Why do spouses leave each other after a dramatic weightloss

ska_lover

Suprise supriseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

we can have a lorra lorra laffs

Gingernutty

Sometimes it's the other half who instigates the split.

The quiet, cuddly woman they could boss around is gone, she's maybe showing up his poor lifestyle habits, she's going out to the gym, to WW or SW, getting a social life beyond him, meeting new people and, perhaps jealousy creeps in as well. She's getting a bit of confidence and looking good.

She may leave because she doesn't like the person he's become.

Homeownertobe

Whenever one half of a couple changes that drastically - and it's as much a mental change as a physical one - the other has to adapt or they could find themselves with nothing in common. Just my two penneth.

FBaby

I think it is not surprising at all that this happens. The reality is that many people who are overweight, even more those who wish they weren't (hence the desire to lose the weight), suffer from a serious lack of self-esteem and confidence. As a result, a number of them will stay with partners because they can't stand the idea of being alone and don't think anyone else could want them. When they lose the weight, they realise that they can take control of their lives and make drastic changes that will lead to them feeling happier.

There is also the fact that some people do fall in love with a partner lacking self-esteem because it reassures them that they need them and therefore won't leave. Even when the partner truly love them and wants to be with them forever, they start to lose their confidence and control and that can turn them in very difficult and unpleasant partners.

prowla

Maybe they realise that they are in a place they don't want to be, and the weight loss is just a part of it.

I know a lady who is overweight, and she and her husband have split, but she still needs to get herself sorted on the weight front.

So the sequence is the opposite to the OP.

pinkshoes

The obvious reason is that perhaps the main thing they had in common was eating????

So if someone goes on a diet, that means changing eating habits, which are a big part of most relationships.

It could also be self esteem e.g. Over eating is due to a lack of confidence, therefore perhaps would settle for a partner that isn't right, as you feel you won't get anyone better, but when the wait goes and the confidence takes its place...

onlyroz

This thread has echos of the one about the woman who was told by her partner that he didn't find her attractive anymore.

Attractiveness is about more than physical appearance - and often your appearance is a consequence of your underlying attitude. So if you lack confidence or become complacent you might become overweight. The reverse can also happen - so if you make the decision to lose weight your confidence might improve, and also your attitude to other aspects of your life. And as a result of these changes you might well find yourself reassessing your relationship, and your partner might well do the same.

Morglin

spender wrote: »

I know a couple of friends who were both very large but both lost a vast amount of weight. However they went from being in what I though were happy marriages to both of them eventually leaving their partners. Both took more care of their hair and makeup and left for other men.

I can only suppose they discovered a new lease of life

It raises self esteem, and if the relationship wasn't right, they have the confidence to go out and find someone better.

Lin

Tenyearstogo

Gingernutty wrote: »

Sometimes it's the other half who instigates the split.

The quiet, cuddly woman they could boss around is gone, she's maybe showing up his poor lifestyle habits, she's going out to the gym, to WW or SW, getting a social life beyond him, meeting new people and, perhaps jealousy creeps in as well. She's getting a bit of confidence and looking good.

She may leave because she doesn't like the person he's become.

I was overweight and my ex kept telling me I was fat. I went and lost a lot of weight. Ex stopped calling me fat.

A few months down the line, he told me I was too skinny and that I was better fat.

At no point during that weight loss did he compliment me on my new figure. I'd apparently gone from being too fat to too thin without being his optimum weight.

It wasn't the weight loss that caused me to leave but it was the weight loss that enabled me to see the state of my relationship.

lulu_92

My OH and I lost loads of weight last year and if anything it brought us closer together. I suppose it's because we made it a team effort.

Started back on the diet on Monday and have lost 2lbs already - just received a lovely text from OH congratulating me. (I weigh myself every morning and log the weight on the calendar - 1lb a day so far )