Why do spouses leave each other after a dramatic weightloss

spender

I know a couple of friends who were both very large but both lost a vast amount of weight. However they went from being in what I though were happy marriages to both of them eventually leaving their partners. Both took more care of their hair and makeup and left for other men.

I can only suppose they discovered a new lease of life

jetplane

I think you may be right. Possibly they have low self esteem or don't have the confidence to leave an unhappy relationship, none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. Once they lose weight their self esteem or confidence may improve and they have the energy to leave. On the other hand perhaps they are flattered by the new found attention, particularly if they're not used to it.

jaylee3

The question is, does the person lose weight and improve their looks in order to attract a member of the opposite sex, so they can leave? (Because people rarely leave until they have found someone else.) Or do they lose the weight and then leave because they find someone else or no longer find their partner attractive?

I have known a couple of cases where one partner lost lots of weight (one case it was the man, the other case, the woman,) and the partner that did not lose the weight left the partner that did! They claimed that their personalities changed totally after the dramatic weight loss. How the personalities changed, I don't know.

raven83

Yep.......can relate to this!

Hermia

jaylee3 wrote: »

The question is, does the person lose weight and improve their looks in order to attract a member of the opposite sex, so they can leave? (Because people rarely leave until they have found someone else.) Or do they lose the weight and then leave because they find someone else or no longer find their partner attractive?

I have known a couple of cases where one partner lost lots of weight (one case it was the man, the other case, the woman,) and the partner that did not lose the weight left the partner that did! They claimed that their personalities changed totally after the dramatic weight loss. How the personalities changed, I don't know.

I have heard people say this about people simply because that person had become more confident. I think sometimes people like their partner to be a little insecure.

I think making any change in your life can make you reassess your relationship.

VestanPance

Two factors would spring to my mind. One being that the lifestyle you live to become overweight would be very different to the one you live when you are active and healthy. That would suggest a different approach to many aspects of your life, which if one partner had done and the other not could be in conflict. I'm very sporty and most other sporty people I know are coupled up with like minded people.

The second would be people being flattered and their heads turning as they start to gather attention from others that either they've never had before, or not had in a long time.

andygb

Because they are very shallow people.

raven83

andygb wrote: »

Because they are very shallow people.

Nothing to do with being "shallow" but when you are used to looking a certain way and then drastically look different, it does make you re-evaluate your life in all areas. When you look a certain way, maybe you get used to settling with someone that really you're not happy and then losing weight gives you the confidence to go after what you really want!

andygb

raven83 wrote: »

Nothing to do with being "shallow" but when you are used to looking a certain way and then drastically look different, it does make you re-evaluate your life in all areas. When you look a certain way, maybe you get used to settling with someone that really you're not happy and then losing weight gives you the confidence to go after what you really want!

That is "materialism", and should not be applied to relationships IMO.

ska_lover

I think they are shallow too. If you were overweight and in a relationship, why is that relationship not good enough anymore once you have lost the weight, and feel you can do better?

Surely the unhappiness was already there - within the relationship?

Seems that the unhappiness reference the female being overweight is projected on to the poor OH - and then he is dumped like a sack of hot horse cra'p when she gets off her butt and sorts out her own issues

jaylee3

yes it IS shallow - and pretty cruel IMO, to leave someone when you lose a load of weight, especially if it's because you deem them as not being good enough for you anymore, as many do.

I must say that I have known a few people lose a lot of weight, and harp on about it, and how much better they feel and look, and how 'if I can do it ANYone can,' and they get really massively full of themselves and their new body, their new image, and how super duper healthy they are.

Then they regain the weight. Must admit, it amuses me greatly when this happens.

Not because I am a spiteful cow, but because they made such a song and a dance of losing it, and they spent so much time judging everyone who was still fat. So it serves them bloody well right, when they regain it all. It's hilarious when that happens IMO..

It would also serve them right, if the new partner they have, (that they left the old one for,) leaves THEM when they regain their weight!