wife blocking access to kids - help needed

duchy

Top_Girl wrote: »

You're a dad, you need a home to have your children in, you've had long enough to arrange this.

This is I suspect the way the children's mother feels too and why she's making a stand. OP whilst you're probably enjoying being the kids' pal they need you to be their parent too and that means having somewhere they can call home with you too.

houseimprover

FBaby wrote: »

Why did she decide on this drastic situation? Usually it comes down to the pwc considering the children are in danger whilst the nrp considers this to be an excuse.

Usually...I doubt it, rather presumptuous

FBaby

houseimprover wrote: »

Usually...I doubt it, rather presumptuous

It's not presumptious at all and made no indication that I believe the pwc is normally right. As a matter of act, I think that many pwcs are very overprotective and consider anything different to what they would do a danger. I think that it is rarely the case that the children are really in danger, however from experience, these nrps are not always very good at dealing with it, concentrating on providing reassurance that the children are safe instead of reminding the pwc of their rights, which is what often result in the pwc stopping contact.

Ultimately, parents have to work together. A parent who is worried IS going to be a parent who is going to protect. The best way to deal with such a parent is to provide the reassurance they are after. Of course, that is up to an acceptable level, we are not talking about calling every hours to say that littl Johnny is ok and alive!

In the case of the OP though, it doesn't seem to be the issue, more frustration around overnight stays.

newcook

While I don’t agree with the action that your ex has taken, Im guessing that this is the only action that will make you pull your finger out.
Before she stopped access, you were having your cake and eating it leaving your ex to have little time for a social life (and dare I say it – a sex life) as she would need to be home when you dropped the children back and it would be too early days to introduce a new man into their lives if a boyfriend stopped over.
In the meantime, you are able to drop the kids back home and go for a few beers with your mates.

By forcing your hand to get yourself a place of your own, she can start to get her life back on track too. You said yourself, you split up last year – you have had plenty of time to organize a more permanent place for yourself where the children can stay, even a 1 bedroom place with a sofabed will be acceptable.

She hasn’t said you can never see the kids again, just that you need to have somewhere for them to stay overnight – if you can afford a solicitor im pretty sure you can afford a deposit on a rented flat.

TBagpuss

Ideally, you need to sort ou domewhere to stay overnight where the childnre can stay.
If you cannot do that yet, then it may help if you can give your wife more information about when you epect to be in that position - is it dependent on the outcome of finacial proceedigns between you, for instance, are you saving for a deposit, if so, how long before you expect to be able to rent somewhere.

Also think about the structure of the contact. Unfortuantely if you don't have more than just a room, then it may be that contact is limited as there is little to do with the kids - it may help if you are able to structure contact a bit more - plan days out (this need not be expensive - could be days out in local parks or nature reserves, free local museums etc.)

While it may be frustrating for her if she feels that you are not taking responsibility for the children , the fact remains hat the contact if for the beenfit of the children , not you or her. Stoppin all contact becuase you cannot have the childnre overnight is completely unreasonable.

I would sugges t that you look for a local solicitor - many offer initial free consulations and will be able to give you some pointers. Be aware that if you make an application to court you are likely to do better if you can showe constructive plansfor contact, and can expelain how this will benefit the children.

In the mean time, and depending on their ages, get in contact with their schools and ask to be kept in the loop about their education, go to parents evenings, demonstrate that you are involved. Send them cards and post cards - don't say anything negative about their mum, just little bits of news about yourself, ask them about their hobbies etc.

duchy

I do think it is very telling that the OP speaks in terms of watching the kids rather than spending time with them.