wife blocking access to kids - help needed

mr-s_2

hi - looking for some advice on a child access issue, i am based in Scotland

i separated from my wife last year and she has now decided that i can no longer see the kids. i have been paying full maintenance and seeing the kids a few times a week but she has now decided that she doesn't want me seeing the children any more

i am going to see a solicitor ASAP but can anyone advice what the process is for gaining access and how long it'll take before some agreement is made? as you can imagine i'm at my wits end

Andyclockwise

This must be a horrible situation to be in.


As good as this board is you'll get better help on Wikivorce where they have specialist forums covering this type of issue e.g. http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Divorce-Advice/Contact-and-Residency/


It covers Scottish law related questions too afaik.




Good luck with this.

FBaby

Why did she decide on this drastic situation? Usually it comes down to the pwc considering the children are in danger whilst the nrp considers this to be an excuse.

DUTR

FBaby wrote: »

Why did she decide on this drastic situation? Usually it comes down to the pwc considering the children are in danger whilst the nrp considers this to be an excuse.

Or, the PWC or NRP has a new partner.

mr-s_2

FBaby wrote: »

Why did she decide on this drastic situation? Usually it comes down to the pwc considering the children are in danger whilst the nrp considers this to be an excuse.

the children are in no danger whatsoever, i have a great relationship with my kids.

she decided this because i am staying with a friend (he had a spare room when i left home last year) and basically i am not in position to watch both kids overnight. she has said i cannot take see the kids unless i agree to keep them overnight once a week - so basically a catch 22 situation for me. until now i had been seeing them/taking them out 3/4 times a week but she is now blocking this:(

mr-s_2

does anyone know what the process with a solicitor is? how long it takes/expected costs and what sort of results i can expect? i know all cases vary but any advice would be great

wouldthisbeodd

I don't agree with what she's doing but maybe she's trying to force your hand to do something overnight with the children as she feels you won't do anything otherwise and she wants time to herself?

Not ideal but if you've no space where you're staying could you book a cheap Travelodge type room every other week? Cheaper than a solicitor and would mean you could start seeing them again until you get sorted.

Any relatives who wouldn't mind you staying over once a month or so? If she only wants you to have them one night a week you could make it a bit of an adventure for the children as long as it was weekend and didn't disrupt school. How old are they?

mr-s_2

wouldthisbeodd wrote: »

I don't agree with what she's doing but maybe she's trying to force your hand to do something overnight with the children as she feels you won't do anything otherwise and she wants time to herself?

Not ideal but if you've no space where you're staying could you book a cheap Travelodge type room every other week? Cheaper than a solicitor and would mean you could start seeing them again until you get sorted.

Any relatives who wouldn't mind you staying over once a month or so? If she only wants you to have them one night a week you could make it a bit of an adventure for the children as long as it was weekend and didn't disrupt school. How old are they?

yes i think this is what she is trying to do also - i have already had kids away for breaks etc but as a longer term plan it'll not work for either of us. i'd rather just have continued access and if i need to go down the legal route then that's what i'll have to do. i totally understand her need for time to herself and try taking kids out as often as possible to allow for this

wouldthisbeodd

But to see it from her point of view, she still won't get a proper break, the children come back every night, she still has to be available to put them to bed and get get them up. I don't agree with her stopping contact but can see where she's coming from with overnight stays.

The legal route will cost you and will take time. An interim solution like I suggested may be worth it for the situation to calm down. Could you look at overnight fortnightly rather than weekly? Don't forget your child support will reduce if you have them overnight so this could help to pay for a hotel room.

Its not a good situation to be in and ultimately its your children who are going to loose out not seeing their dad. How old are they?

clearingout

so..really you are expecting to be able to see the children as and when, on your terms, without having any of the responsibility of actually parenting them?

If you have been separated a while now, you really need to be looking at what can be done to move things on so that you are in a position to be able to take full responsibility for your children on a very regular basis. Divorce is probably what you need to be looking at to get things finalised so everyone knows where they stand. Having you on the doorstep 3 or 4 times a week isn't great - I know if I had to see my ex that often, there would have been a murder by now! You both need to be able to move on - what are you going to do if you were suddenly to become unwelcome in the spare room?

I am afraid that whilst like others, I don't agree stopping contact is the answer, being a single parent isn't what most people signed up to when they had children with someone. Your ex is probably just trying to get her life back on track - and frankly, this is something that a judge would expect to see as well.

FBaby

So she is blackmailing you because it's been one year that you have made any attempts to find a place for yourself that would allow you to have your kids overnight? Mmmm, selfish attitude to penalise the kids, but I can understand why she would be annoyed if it means that she never gets to go out in the evenings whilst you get to have your fun anytime.

My ex wouldn't have the kids overnight either when they were little because they used to be up at 5am in the mornings and he didn't want to get up and look after them, so he made excuses. He also wanted to have his evening free to go out with his new girlfriend. That was until they moved together, they started to get up later, and suddenly, he demanded to have them overnight!

Not saying your situation is the same, but wondering if there might some similar issues (although I never stopped contact, I would never have done that as I never wanted my kids to lose out because of their dad's selfish attitude).