How to get over loneliness and lack of social life?

kingslayer

I feel loneliness quite a lot, and I don't really have a social life. I have a couple of friends I see, but they have no desire to change their situation, and their attitudes rub off on to me. I enjoy seeing them, but sometimes I just wish I had a larger social circle and more friends who I can be around as opposed to the same people all the time.

On top of that, my family don't speak to each other and my siblings are almost twice my age with their own families. I have my father, but sometimes I feel like I need to look out for him, as he is getting older, his health is decreasing and he usually spends most days at home, unless he goes fishing.

My friend's mum is good to talk to, but she has enough stress and I don't want to start talking about me, me, me with her. I don't know, I mean it's always good to have someone to talk to about worries, but I just don't really have anyone to confide in tbh. Taking this into consideration, it does make me feel quite lonely like I don't have anybody that really cares, but not just that, a social life would be great and some new friends.

I really don't know how to meet new people. I am starting a GCSE course next week, with the aim to resit them next year, so hopefully I can meet new people then, but it's forming friendships that I find a bit more difficult.

Has anyone else had the same problems? How did things change for you? Did it take a long while?

gardengull

Hi there, your GCSE course sounds a great way to start things off. Relationships (of all types) been when you see people on regular basis and get used to them.
Accept EVERY opportunity to go out and meet people (within your budget). Make the an effort to go out whenever you can, even if you don't fancy whatever it is - have a go!
Good luck

jaylee3

kingslayer wrote: »

I feel loneliness quite a lot, and I don't really have a social life. I have a couple of friends I see, but they have no desire to change their situation, and their attitudes rub off on to me. I enjoy seeing them, but sometimes I just wish I had a larger social circle and more friends who I can be around as opposed to the same people all the time.

My friend's mum is good to talk to, but she has enough stress and I don't want to start talking about me, me, me with her. I don't know, I mean it's always good to have someone to talk to about worries, but I just don't really have anyone to confide in tbh. Taking this into consideration, it does make me feel quite lonely like I don't have anybody that really cares, but not just that, a social life would be great and some new friends.

I think the phrase that needs to be applied applied to this thread is 'deja vu.'

I wonder which direction THIS thread is going in? :cool:

ska_lover

sounds like you are making a good start with the gcse thing - good luck

Tropez

Round Table club, 18 to 35 clubs, join a gym, join a sports club, join meetup groups, get involved in community groups, join a film club, once you've done your GCSE sign up for other courses, the OU do some short courses which are basically a week or a few weeks away so you'll be surrounded by people with your interests who will want to get to know you because they won't have their friends there.

To be honest, if you want a better social life it's not hard. You just have to jump in and get involved in things and there's plenty of things you can get involved in. Support a football team? Join the supporters club!

Truth is, whatever your interests, there will be people who share them who have a community that you can join and start getting to know people.

kingslayer

Tropez wrote: »

Round Table club, 18 to 35 clubs, join a gym, join a sports club, join meetup groups, get involved in community groups, join a film club, once you've done your GCSE sign up for other courses, the OU do some short courses which are basically a week or a few weeks away so you'll be surrounded by people with your interests who will want to get to know you because they won't have their friends there.

To be honest, if you want a better social life it's not hard. You just have to jump in and get involved in things and there's plenty of things you can get involved in. Support a football team? Join the supporters club!

Truth is, whatever your interests, there will be people who share them who have a community that you can join and start getting to know people.

I am a member of a gym, but I don't actually make friends with people there. The clubs that you mentioned sound good, but are they full of people who are twice my age or more? Don't get me wrong, i like talking to older people, but socialising with them seems a bit awkward.

Actually, yes OU short courses sound good. Are those the free ones? I remember someone providing a link, but I've lost the link.

Yeah it probably isn't hard tbh. I just get very overwhelmed and anxious about meeting new people. Sometimes I try too hard and end up struggling to make friendships.

tea_lover

kingslayer wrote: »

Don't get me wrong, i like talking to older people, but socialising with them seems a bit awkward.

Classic!! :rotfl:

Counting_Pennies_2

How old are you? I would say if you are 18+ you now fit in with the adult bracket of life.


You will find if we are 20, 30 or 40 we like the same things!

Tropez

kingslayer wrote: »

I am a member of a gym, but I don't actually make friends with people there. The clubs that you mentioned sound good, but are they full of people who are twice my age or more? Don't get me wrong, i like talking to older people, but socialising with them seems a bit awkward.

Actually, yes OU short courses sound good. Are those the free ones? I remember someone providing a link, but I've lost the link.

Yeah it probably isn't hard tbh. I just get very overwhelmed and anxious about meeting new people. Sometimes I try too hard and end up struggling to make friendships.

I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing you're quite young given that you think socialising with people older than yourself is awkward (although you don't mind dating them ). People are people, age is just a number. Okay, I wouldn't suggest hanging around a high school yard and trying to get pally with some 14 year olds but once you reach adulthood, it doesn't really matter.

Anyway, Round Table's membership is predominantly 20s and 30s, with a few in their 40s. 18-35 clubs are, as you might expect from the name, for people 18 to 35 and thus through simple laws of averages contain more people in their 20s for the most part.

The courses that take you away from home (residential courses I seem to recall they were called) are not usually free, no, but there's usually some sort of financial support option available.

And the thing is, don't try too hard. When trying to make friends what you want is for people to want to get to know you, not listening to you tell them everything about you in the first few minutes. Every time you answer a question, provide answers that leave yourself open to more questions. This way, you don't monopolise the conversation and you make yourself seem interesting, even if you don't believe yourself to be that interesting. If people want to know more, they'll ask you. Don't try hard, don't start overanalysing things and don't be too eager.

kingslayer

tea_lover wrote: »

Classic!! :rotfl:

Okay, sometimes when I say things they come out they can be misconstrued. What I mean is that me being 25 and socialising with someone in their late 40's, 50's, or even 60's would maybe feel like I have to refrain from being myself. With people my own age I could act a goofball (under the influence of alcohol or when I'm comfortable) but around older people i would MAYBE feel like I need to act reserved and mature in their presence.

Pollycat

kingslayer wrote: »

I am a member of a gym, but I don't actually make friends with people there. The clubs that you mentioned sound good, but are they full of people who are twice my age or more? Don't get me wrong, i like talking to older people, but socialising with them seems a bit awkward.

Actually, yes OU short courses sound good. Are those the free ones? I remember someone providing a link, but I've lost the link.

Yeah it probably isn't hard tbh. I just get very overwhelmed and anxious about meeting new people. Sometimes I try too hard and end up struggling to make friendships.

Tropez came up with some good suggestions but you sound pretty negative.

Instead of asking if they are full of people twice your age, go off and find out for yourself.

Instead of saying you've lost the link to OU courses, Google it.
It's not hard. :cool:

Lots of adult education classes in our area so probably the same in yours but they are not going to come knocking at your door and invite you, you need to get off your bum and find out what's available.

I think you need to try to be more proactive about changing your life if you're not happy.


And if, as some of your other posts suggest, you have issues with health, go and see if your GP can help.