How to get over loneliness and lack of social life?

wrightman90

kingslayer wrote: »

I feel loneliness quite a lot, and I don't really have a social life. I have a couple of friends I see, but they have no desire to change their situation, and their attitudes rub off on to me. I enjoy seeing them, but sometimes I just wish I had a larger social circle and more friends who I can be around as opposed to the same people all the time.

On top of that, my family don't speak to each other and my siblings are almost twice my age with their own families. I have my father, but sometimes I feel like I need to look out for him, as he is getting older, his health is decreasing and he usually spends most days at home, unless he goes fishing.

My friend's mum is good to talk to, but she has enough stress and I don't want to start talking about me, me, me with her. I don't know, I mean it's always good to have someone to talk to about worries, but I just don't really have anyone to confide in tbh. Taking this into consideration, it does make me feel quite lonely like I don't have anybody that really cares, but not just that, a social life would be great and some new friends.

I really don't know how to meet new people. I am starting a GCSE course next week, with the aim to resit them next year, so hopefully I can meet new people then, but it's forming friendships that I find a bit more difficult.

Has anyone else had the same problems? How did things change for you? Did it take a long while?

Get a bar job (socialise), get your studies done, and then travel! Your old friends will always be there, so go and meet new people. Also, try a new sport, join a running club?

VestanPance

kingslayer wrote: »

Okay, sometimes when I say things they come out they can be misconstrued. What I mean is that me being 25 and socialising with someone in their late 40's, 50's, or even 60's would maybe feel like I have to refrain from being myself. With people my own age I could act a goofball (under the influence of alcohol or when I'm comfortable) but around older people i would MAYBE feel like I need to act reserved and mature in their presence.

Worst troll ever!

There are no older goofballs or idiots. You hit 40 and suddenly you are reserved and mature but also possibly answering your door to a stranger in revealing underwear type of reserved and mature! :rotfl:

kingslayer

Tropez wrote: »

I don't know how old you are but I'm guessing you're quite young given that you think socialising with people older than yourself is awkward (although you don't mind dating them ). People are people, age is just a number. Okay, I wouldn't suggest hanging around a high school yard and trying to get pally with some 14 year olds but once you reach adulthood, it doesn't really matter.

Anyway, Round Table's membership is predominantly 20s and 30s, with a few in their 40s. 18-35 clubs are, as you might expect from the name, for people 18 to 35 and thus through simple laws of averages contain more people in their 20s for the most part.

The courses that take you away from home (residential courses I seem to recall they were called) are not usually free, no, but there's usually some sort of financial support option available.

And the thing is, don't try too hard. When trying to make friends what you want is for people to want to get to know you, not listening to you tell them everything about you in the first few minutes. Every time you answer a question, provide answers that leave yourself open to more questions. This way, you don't monopolise the conversation and you make yourself seem interesting, even if you don't believe yourself to be that interesting. If people want to know more, they'll ask you. Don't try hard, don't start overanalysing things and don't be too eager.

I didn't mean that in a rude way. I just haven't socialised with older people before. I have always socialised with people my own age or younger, so when it comes to socialising with people twice my age, i tend to go into myself as i'm not used to being around older people.

I will look into those classes as they sound good. It is quite daunting for me to meet new people. I either become quiet and don't say a lot, or i only socialise with one or two people, mainly because i don't know how to be the loud/talkative one in a group.

Oh, the OU online courses i was thinking of are free 6 week short courses i can take online. I wasn't really thinking of moving away to study right now, as i have to go on this GCSE course which starts soon.

Yeah, thanks for the advice. I will take it all on board.

kingslayer

Pollycat wrote: »

Tropez came up with some good suggestions but you sound pretty negative.

Instead of asking if they are full of people twice your age, go off and find out for yourself.

Instead of saying you've lost the link to OU courses, Google it.
It's not hard. :cool:

Lots of adult education classes in our area so probably the same in yours but they are not going to come knocking at your door and invite you, you need to get off your bum and find out what's available.

I think you need to try to be more proactive about changing your life if you're not happy.


And if, as some of your other posts suggest, you have issues with health, go and see if your GP can help.

I agree with you on both parts in bold, but i am trying to sort myself out and aim to be more proactive. I just lost a lot of motivation and self confidence over the years, which i'm trying to build up again, that is all.

Thanks for the advice, though.

tea_lover

kingslayer wrote: »

I just haven't socialised with older people before. I have always socialised with people my own age or younger, so when it comes to socialising with people twice my age, i tend to go into myself as i'm not used to being around older people.

I wouldn't call unprotected sex on a first meeting "going into yourself" (quite the opposite :rotfl:)

If that's you being shy and reserved I dread to think what you'd be like as an extrovert!

time2deal

I'd say accusing one of your few friends of stealing your USB stick when you most likely lost/dropped/forgot it won't help with the social life.

SailorSam

The idea of going to do nightschool classes at a local college is a good idea to meet people, but the short OU course is just going to mean you'll spend more time at home in front of your computer.

purpleshoes_2

kingslayer wrote: »

Okay, sometimes when I say things they come out they can be misconstrued. What I mean is that me being 25 and socialising with someone in their late 40's, 50's, or even 60's would maybe feel like I have to refrain from being myself. With people my own age I could act a goofball (under the influence of alcohol or when I'm comfortable) but around older people i would MAYBE feel like I need to act reserved and mature in their presence.

You want to date older women, but you cant socialise with people in that age group?

Meet up is full of different groups. There are groups specifically for 20 and 30 somethings, other groups for 40s and over and some groups will have people in them from 20-60 and beyond

The only way you'll know is if you get off your backside, join a few and get out there and meet people.

Or just carry on the way you are, your call.

Tropez

SailorSam wrote: »

The idea of going to do nightschool classes at a local college is a good idea to meet people, but the short OU course is just going to mean you'll spend more time at home in front of your computer.

I didn't mean those short courses when I mentioned the OU.

The OU run some courses that are weekend, week-long or a few weeks long and where you stay on a campus, or in some form of accommodation, have classes throughout the day, socialise at lunch and at night.

They're not the cheapest thing ever and I'm not sure what grants are available but if you're looking to meet people it's not a bad shout. You're going to be with a bunch of people sharing your interests who likely won't have their friends with them and because you're in a learning environment you can have discussions on the course which naturally gravitate to more active socialising once you're done.

I went on a couple of different ones in my early 20s, they were quite a bit of fun.

Here's an example of one - http://www.open.ac.uk/courses/modules/axr272

Indie_Kid

kingslayer wrote: »

Okay, sometimes when I say things they come out they can be misconstrued. What I mean is that me being 25 and socialising with someone in their late 40's, 50's, or even 60's would maybe feel like I have to refrain from being myself. With people my own age I could act a goofball (under the influence of alcohol or when I'm comfortable) but around older people i would MAYBE feel like I need to act reserved and mature in their presence.

I'm members of 2 groups where I'm one of the youngest. (youngest at one and the youngest at the other is 11 - I'm 25)

A lot of the people at both groups are somewhere between 40 & 70. I find age makes no difference at all. In fact, there's a man at one of the groups who is about 67 who I talk to a lot about stuff.