Want my OH to have more of a social life.

andyslowrider

Your original question could easily have been written by my partner to describe our relationship. What my partner fails to understand (or at least fails to admit that she understands), is that I don't want more of a social life - if anything, I'd rather have less of one.

I work hard and look forward to spending time with my family, playing with the kids or just relaxing ahead of another hard day at work. Being encouraged (as she calls it - I'd say pressured) to go out or to have friends round, or, worse still, to get home and find friends or extended family already here, really doesn't help.

I realise that I might be a little more curmudgeonly than many, but the point is, as some of the other replies have said, your husband may be quite happy as he is. Talk to him and find out his real thoughts on the issue - don't just assume that you know best.

Stephenph

More than 1 TV in a family is a must. We all have different interests, and it ends the "who has the remote" argument.
Does he have any hobbies. If so and there is room, there is always teh "garden shed", but you both sound a bit young for that.
Has he thought of joining a local charity committee?
Men do need hobbies or interests to stop them becoming couch potatoes.
As you get older the problem is falling asleep in front of the TV, and switching channels endlessly to find the least worst programme! With iPlayer choices have become almost endless!

CharlieRabbit01

Nicolefury wrote: »

Hi all,

Bit of a follow up,

Sat down with DH last night to talk about this and he admits he is climbing the walls a little at home and would like some time out of the house and doing his own thing really - talked about the suggestions and I think he's going to contact Round Table as he'd like the male company and I've flicked through the Facebook and they seemingly do lots of larking about and community stuff.

Thanks to everybody for all the ideas I think he's going to look into them too

Will be nice to have quality time apart so we have lots of talk about when he comes home from his newly expanded social life!

We have a round table where I live they are great, they organise the fireworks, the charity bike ride etc I think they meet twice a month in the pub.

But it depends on what he wants to do. My OH is happy being in the house, I don't mind we have 2 tv's so we don't have to watch the same things its his life not mine.

Choirgirl

To the OP's husband, and any other gentleman reading this and thinking "that sounds like me too", may I please suggest - join a choir! Particularly a mixed one, that is one with both ladies and men. Any chaps wishing to join my choir are always welcomed with open arms, as there is generally a female:male imbalance of numbers. You DON'T need to be a fantastic singer, we DON'T make prospective new members stand and audition in front of everyone, and you DON'T have to be able to read music!

We DO...
- offer a chance to learn a skill, in a 'fun' way - depending on the choir you choose, it can be 'pop' songs, good old 1950s/60s/70s stuff, traditional 'classical', gospel... we're currently learning Vivaldi's "Gloria" and a medley of James Bond theme songs :T
- enjoy a social night for a couple of hours once a week where you don't have to spend the whole time talking to people - you're together, but focused on something else (i.e. the conductor at the front)
- have people come along telling us "well, I haven't sung since school... I quite enjoyed it then... can I just have a go?"

Have a look at the website "British Choirs on the Net", or simply Google "choirs in [insert your local town/area]". Research proves that singing is good for your physical and mental health and social life. Give it a go... happy singing :wave:

DigForVictory

If the gentleman has expressed an interest in trying something outside that won't trigger his wife's anxieties, then may I add my voice (sorry) to the find a choir suggestion?

Or possibly, and because I'm distinctly biased, consider helping at Scouts? (I doubt the CRB will be an issue no matter what they're calling it this year, and between the two of you, you should be able to come up with a couple of references?) Even one night a week hock deep in the fountain of youth is refreshing. (My apologies for suggesting this just as most of the young 'uns have gone on summer holidays but the Scouts (10.5-14 yo) may well still meet.)

And ignore the "it's only an hour a week" line. It's 6-10 given prep & gossip, so that should give you a fair lump of Me time!

CKgeordieinlondon

My husband doesnt work full time and I'm quite jealous of all his free time so I try to fill it for him.I found him a day time art group because I knew he'd enjoy it but sometimes they need a shove.
He also goes to the gym and plays poker in the pub once a week. (probably shouldn't recommend poker , he's very good but it could lead others into trouble)

Despite all this he still talks over the TV no matter whats on. My brother in laws the same they're not bored they just like talking

CharlieRabbit01

DigForVictory wrote: »

If the gentleman has expressed an interest in trying something outside that won't trigger his wife's anxieties, then may I add my voice (sorry) to the find a choir suggestion?

Or possibly, and because I'm distinctly biased, consider helping at Scouts? (I doubt the CRB will be an issue no matter what they're calling it this year, and between the two of you, you should be able to come up with a couple of references?) Even one night a week hock deep in the fountain of youth is refreshing. (My apologies for suggesting this just as most of the young 'uns have gone on summer holidays but the Scouts (10.5-14 yo) may well still meet.)

And ignore the "it's only an hour a week" line. It's 6-10 given prep & gossip, so that should give you a fair lump of Me time!

I agree with DFV.

My scouts have also broken up for the summer. our meet for adult helpers is 6-9:30 but you can put in more if you wished.

It was a bit daunting at first but I've attended 6 meetings and I love it.

carras

I don't have a OH but I do have a Baby Brother. I also have a chronic illness which initiated a refusal to marry and reproduce but I did have a passion for the work I did.

Social mobility comments a make me laugh, I was VERY socially mobile right up to the point I started a mortgage. By then I had worked in London, returned to the NE hit the glass ceiling so then moved to Lancashire. Shortly after becoming a home owner my Baby Brother became a 'temporary lodger'.

A year later Mum joined us, that was 1982.

Mum died in 2009 but the blue eyed boy is still there!

In 2012 I threw in the sponge and moved 10 miles away to a retirement apartment. Its on the flat, with loads of buses and plenty of shops unlike my home for the last 30 years.

Baby Brother is currently working his notice, jobs are being shipped to India (!) and he will be free. Not sure that I will be as his social life seems to have withered since he announced his forthcoming freedom. I am filling my diary with loads of appointments I can not break but he is already speculating about joining me at U3A.

Rats!

bristle66

Ever struck you that it might by you who should go out and not him? Maybe he needs me-time too? Could be a night in with the kids, some decent telly or a DVD, and a couple of beers might do him a lot of good. At the same time, you getting out with your mates or whatever, gives you a bit more freedom. I don't know why women are always pushing their men out of the door.