Want my OH to have more of a social life.

JIL

While my husband watches his rubbish on TV I surf the net, which is how I came to find this site!
Maybe he is like most of his friends, in that its not unusual for people to come home from a long day at work, have dinner do a couple of bits round the house and watch TV before bed and doing it all again the following day.
Talk to him see if he's happy and content with how things are.

missbiggles1

Nicolefury wrote: »

Been married for 5 years, been together for 9. Husbands social circle has decreased over time. If he's not at work (and he does work hard for the four of us) he's at home.

I love him to bits but would love him to have a social life himself and so I could get some me time - fed up of him moaning through the soaps, and more importantly for him to get out a bit more.

Obviously I don't want to push him into a scenario where he's up to no good I just think he secretly misses his social life just needs a push towards something that would give him that.

Any suggestions?

Why not turn the soaps off, talk to him and enjoy his company?

Torry_Quine

JIL wrote: »

While my husband watches his rubbish on TV I surf the net, which is how I came to find this site!
Maybe he is like most of his friends, in that its not unusual for people to come home from a long day at work, have dinner do a couple of bits round the house and watch TV before bed and doing it all again the following day.
Talk to him see if he's happy and content with how things are.

Sounds like my life. We have supper, clean up and watch TV together. Once a week we go together and meet up with friends. I don't understand this whole idea that it's essential to do things individually although there's nothing wrong with it per se.

Anatidaephobia

Is he interested in sports? Playing golf, football and snooker keeps my partner busy and has also helped him make new friends.

happycomper22

Think you need to ask your hubby how HE feels, he may be happy enough, not everyone has to have a busy social life. If he is happy as he is, I'd let him be.

jozxyqk

This thread could have been written about me. I had a good circle of friends in my twenties but we basically scattered for work etc. Nearest family is 2 hours away so we're quite isolated (though this is not necessarily a bad thing iyswim).

My commute is 1 hr each way on a good day so I'm lucky if I get home for 6. Then it's helping with the LO (nearly 2 yo) or doing chores, so not much me time at all. Same goes for my wife but she seems happy browsing online on her phone all evening.

I don't really know anyone in the local area so I may look at some of the suggestions made above. Although I enjoy my life and my own company, I miss socialising.

minerva_windsong

I agree with everyone who said ask him if it's what he wants. I've never been a particularly sociable person and I can get quite grumpy if I'm out after work several nights in a row, so it might just be that that's the way he is. But it also might just be that he hasn't found the thing he likes - so if he does want to do things out of the house it might be worth pointing him towards things like Meetup as others have suggested.


The other thing I would ask is if he feels like he can't go out - even if you've never said anything to this effect, it might be that he thinks his role is to work, come home and be with his family. Just saying that it's OK if he wants to do something outside work and home might be the 'permission' he needs to get out of the house.


And if all else fails, can you not watch your soaps online? If you've got a TV license you should be able to watch them over the internet as broadcast.

jozxyqk

minerva_windsong wrote: »

The other thing I would ask is if he feels like he can't go out - even if you've never said anything to this effect, it might be that he thinks his role is to work, come home and be with his family. Just saying that it's OK if he wants to do something outside work and home might be the 'permission' he needs to get out of the house.

That is very perceptive and is something I relate to.

Tropez

My wife tends to try and prod me into going out a bit more often. I think her concern is I work mostly from home and I spend a lot of my free time at home.

Truth is though most of my friends have moved away from the area, married and/or had kids. It's difficult to meet up with them and I don't have the inclination to try and meet new people. I'm not really a people-person. I met a few people on the course I was on last year, exchanged numbers and all that but I doubt we'll be talking much by the end of this year because that course is over and what we had in common isn't there any more.

I'm happy enough just to go out with her or one of my old friends when they're actually available. Other than that, between trying to write a novel, following several sports, films and TV shows there's enough to keep me plenty occupied at home and I would much rather do that than try and acquire new friends.

onomatopoeia99

Ask him if he wants to go out more. He may not, we don't all want to be out doing stuff often in the evenings. If he doesn't then that problem is solved.

Get another telly for the bedroom / spare room / kitchen / somewhere else so you can watch soaps in peace (I can understand why he would moan about them, whenever I accidentally land on Eastenders they're all shouting at one another).

If the real problem is that you want some time on your own, then say so. Us chaps aren't mind readers. I can certainly empathize with you wanting that, quiet time to recharge my internal batteries was the one thing I really missed (and didn't realise how much I needed) when I was with my ex and her children.