Cheap Husband Alert

Buzzybee90

torbrex wrote: »

Who gives a crap about what currency it is, my take home pay last year was £3726 so anyone that says £17k is a low wage needs to get their head examined :mad:

£17,000 is a low wage for someone who is obviously quite mature (children in college), it's a graduate starter wage. There's no need for the husband to be treating her like a roommate.

catkins

I think it is totally wrong. In my marriage we only have a joint bank account and ALL money goes into it. There is no "my" money it is all "our" money. Doesn't matter who earns the most.


A marriage should be an equal partnership and yours certainly is not that

girlcalledpanda

I'm all for equal finances too (I say as, currently as a sahm looking for work) but if she is bad with money maybe not? Although him saving for both of them whilst sharing the bills/responsibilities is a good option.

People are strange, my fiance's uncle has some sort of gadget to monitor how much electric his wife uses, she's not allowed a tumble dryer because of it, bizarre!

Confusedandneedhelp

Marriage should be equal, but if both parties arent putting equal in, then its not equal is it?

This is an issue obviously, as at any time when you arent happy its an issue. But perhaps your husband thinks you should be earning more too?

irishjohn

The kids reference indicates that this may be a second marriage, and the children are from the first marriage. They are adults at college so there is 3:1 split as far as blood relations are concerned but a 50:50 split as far as all household bills are concerned. There is no information on what other expenses the husband is required to meet for a family from a previous marriage perhaps?

Perhaps the OP would like to give us a fuller picture or even better sit down and talk to her husband and her adult kids - talk about a fair distribution of cooking and cleaning tasks and developing a sense of independence in her children. For all we know the husband may have to do two jobs to earn that wage and have little free time to help with chores and be saddled with debt from previous marriage

Marshmallow82

torbrex wrote: »

There is always something wrong when someone says that their income is ONLY 30k, some of us have to live on a lot less than that and would never say only.

She will be paying out at least $30k a year for each child in college. You're not comparing like with like

aniahill

catkins wrote: »

I think it is totally wrong. In my marriage we only have a joint bank account and ALL money goes into it. There is no "my" money it is all "our" money. Doesn't matter who earns the most.


A marriage should be an equal partnership and yours certainly is not that

I've just been having discussions about this with friends as I've just married. My husband has poor credit so until he builds his credit and we buy a house together I'll not be financially linked to him. Even so, we have separate money - we have our own accounts and split the bills. I don't want to see where his money's going particularly (especially around Xmas...); once our bills are sorted, our different interests are serviced with our own money and anything together gets split or we alternate paying.

I don't think lack of a joint account equates to an unequal partnership, though if there was the discrepancy as in the OP's post, where one partner is struggling, that's not a partnership. At least if the partner sods off or is made redundant, OP will be well equipped to deal with it on their own!

catkins

Confusedandneedhelp wrote: »

Marriage should be equal, but if both parties arent putting equal in, then its not equal is it?

This is an issue obviously, as at any time when you arent happy its an issue. But perhaps your husband thinks you should be earning more too?

But if you don't both earn the same then you can't both put the same amount in whether you want to or not. In over 30 years of marriage there have been times when I was the higher earner (by quite a lot), OH was the higher earner and now I don't work at all. It has never mattered how much each of us earns, it all goes into one account and is "our" money.

Confusedandneedhelp

catkins wrote: »

But if you don't both earn the same then you can't both put the same amount in whether you want to or not. In over 30 years of marriage there have been times when I was the higher earner (by quite a lot), OH was the higher earner and now I don't work at all. It has never mattered how much each of us earns, it all goes into one account and is "our" money.

Yes but that's 'your' marriage, not the OPs. Clearly they see finances differently.

So if the partner expects to basically put in whatever the OP does, and keep the rest, then that is an issue, but not necessarily one which is 'wrong' on either party.

OP: is asking for joint finances, quite common, especially in marriage and makes sense
OP's Husband: is asking for equal finances, not unreasonable.

Some people work ridiculously hard for £17k, some wrok very little for £70k, but chances are they both hard.

The post title of 'cheap' husband, suggests that the OP is interested in money more than marriage for a start, and perhaps the husband knows this?!

and two, clearly the OP isnt paying the mortgage, bills and two kids through college on £17k!

Snakey

You should have held out for a man who'd pay your way, if that was important to you. I don't think there's a lot you can do about it now since at some point you accepted all of this and if he didn't change while he was trying to court you I can't see why he'd feel motivated to change now.

If there's someone waiting in the wings who is offering you a better deal financially then leave your husband (since you don't seem to like him much) and go with the new guy, but if not then you are probably better staying than leaving - presumably you have a better lifestyle paying just half the household bills than you would if you had to pay them all.

If you don't want to do all the housework then stop doing it all, he/you/the kids then have a choice between paying for a cleaner, living like pigs or splitting the chores equally. Sounds like you've made a rod for your own back there.