at a loss how to advise a friend

Alikay

As well as the enhanced DBS check, our GP had to answer a questionnaire, DH's employer had to give a written reference and 2 friends (who weren't a couple) and one extended family member were visited and questioned about us for up to an hour (asked about our history, strengths and weaknesses, parenting of our kids, relationship with each other etc). In addition our 3 children were interviewed in our home without us in the room, and we each had many sessions both together and apart with the social worker. The bank was also contacted to verify that we were financially sound too.

I can only imagine that the local authority or IFA who approved this couple have been very lax on their checks, or maybe the wife was already fostering when the man came on the scene and, again, vetting procedures weren't followed.

Either way, she needs to contact the police or SS, and follow up to check they're doing something.

SnowyOwl_2

Why doesn't she try to find him under his original name? Google, 192.com facebook are all good starting points. Some people do have lookalikes, it's not beyond possibility that there are two men who happen to look similar.

Alikay

SnowyOwl wrote: »

Some people do have lookalikes, it's not beyond possibility that there are two men who happen to look similar.

This is a possibility: There's a woman who works in the supermarket I go to who looks exactly like my cousin, and even has similar mannerisms and expressions. No relationship to each other whatsoever ( yes, I asked :rotfl:)

whodathunkit

Wouldn't most people just go up to someone they recognised and say "Don't I know you?"

whitewing

Not, perhaps, if they know them because they committed a crime....

duchy

If she is certain she knows who he is and is certain the crime was such a bad one-why would she be looking for validation from an acquaintance /neighbour ? Surely she'd just contact SS ?
If on the other hand she wants to make a bit of drama for someone a whispering campaign by dropping hints to neighbours without saying specifically what she is accusing him of would be quite effective.

I'd keep out of it Meri- If she brings it up again I'd say to her she needs to decide for herself as she is the one who knows all the "facts".

That said I'm sure SS investigate all complaints malicious or otherwise -so would verify if all the correct checks were done. I doubt groundless accusations against fosterers are uncommon.

cheepskate_2

I think you should say to her , that if she thinks it warrants a visit to Social Services, then for her to go and report it, as you cannot make that decision as you don't have all facts only have hearsay. . If she is incorrect the man will be able to prove who he is.

I would then totally forget what she said and never repeat it.

Believe it or not , there are people who spread vicious rumors about people and this is how they do it.....through gullible other people who spread the initial lie....while the initial person just needs to sit back

peachyprice

meritaten wrote: »

I have done a search on ancestry and other sites and tbh - the name he is using seems bogus - I cannot find any records other than electoral roll and his marriage to his latest partner. the name my friend says is his real name - checks out, but nothing after the time my friend says he 'disappeared' from that area.

meritaten wrote: »

she is still convinced he is this guy she knew. and after doing my own searches - I am leaning towards her being right.

So you've spent an hour on so on the internet and think you may have established a link, don't you think that SS, with the greater resources they have at their disposal would have made that link too? Either it's not the same person or they don't see him as any threat.

People do change their names, for all sorts of reasons, but why would a man who 'shouldn't be around children' go to all the effort of making himself disappear for years only to move back into the same area where he's bound to be recognised and put himself through all the background checks for fostering?

It just doesn't make sense.

tea_lover

meritaten wrote: »

I have done a search on ancestry and other sites and tbh - the name he is using seems bogus - I cannot find any records other than electoral roll and his marriage to his latest partner. the name my friend says is his real name - checks out, but nothing after the time my friend says he 'disappeared' from that area.

So you couldn't find any evidence of a conviction under his 'real' name?

growler834

There is a chance that this man has changed his name (for whatever reasons) by deed poll & SS are aware of it.

There is a chance that he has done this because he wanted to get away from his previous life & turn over a new leaf in which case he may want to 'ignore' anyone he comes across, like your friend, as it reminds him of his past life.

If this man is the same as the one your friend used to know, and he has committed any kind of sexual offence, he will be on the Sex Offenders list & the Police will know if he has changed his name - if the Police know then SS would know when doing their checks.

As others have said, if your friend doesn't tell you the full tale don't get involved. Let her decide what she is going to do & let her get on with it.