at a loss how to advise a friend

whitewing

Perhaps he committed the offence against her?

whodathunkit

DigForVictory wrote: »

Can I remind you of the whole rehabilitation of offenders bit - if it's 6 years ago or older, most offences are 'spent'. There are all sorts of criminal convictions - unless you personally know it was a crime against children - the fostering relationship should be left to carry on.

Foster carers, like all jobs working with children and vulnerable people, are exempt from the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act.

whodathunkit

meritaten wrote: »

this is what worries me - she wont tell me what he was convicted of - just says 'he shouldn't be around kids'. I am surmising that it was a sex offence.
she is also a bit of a 'drama queen' - but, she has surprised me with this. she ran into him (literally) months ago - and she said she knows he recognised her - but claimed he didn't. she also hasn't said a word until today - then rang me to ask advice.
she has also asked about him locally and she is still convinced he is this guy she knew. and after doing my own searches - I am leaning towards her being right.
I think I will ring her now and tell her to take it to SS. if anything happened I couldn't live with myself if we did nothing.

So not all that worried then.;)

Mojisola

pol-zeath wrote: »

Do you have any idea of the rigorous checks a foster parent goes through? 6 months or so of interviews, family and friends being interviewed. I would think it highly unlikely that he would be able to change his identiy. Not impossible but unlikely,

So if she gives her information to SS and they know all about it, no harm done.

If he's managed to deceive them, they need to know.

Saturnalia

Is it possible this isn't the same man your friend once knew? If she says he doesn't seem to recognise her, maybe he doesn't know her? How well did your friend know her then-friend's family - could this bloke be a cousin or half-brother of his, therefore very similar in looks and mannerisms? Odd things do happen.

Same applies though - call SS and they'll probably be able to find out if this is the case.

Spendless

meritaten wrote: »

this is what worries me - she wont tell me what he was convicted of - just says 'he shouldn't be around kids'. I am surmising that it was a sex offence.
she is also a bit of a 'drama queen' - but, she has surprised me with this. she ran into him (literally) months ago - and she said she knows he recognised her - but claimed he didn't. she also hasn't said a word until today - then rang me to ask advice.
she has also asked about him locally and she is still convinced he is this guy she knew. and after doing my own searches - I am leaning towards her being right.
I think I will ring her now and tell her to take it to SS. if anything happened I couldn't live with myself if we did nothing.

Could you word it along the lines of 'I've given some thought to what you've told me about Joe Bloggs and IMO if the offence was of a <sexual/violent/drugs related...etc.....> nature I think you should report it'.

That gives you the ability to make a suggestion without saying yes she should, if it turns out to be something small and insignificant that she knows about, whilst not telling her to keep out of it just in case.

Just an idea of course.

pol-zeath

Mojisola wrote: »

So if she gives her information to SS and they know all about it, no harm done.

If he's managed to deceive them, they need to know.

Not just him deceiving SS - There will be family, friends & employers he will have enrolled to assist him with his new identiy - That is why I think this "story" is unlikely.
But there is never any harm in reporting concerns.

hieveryone

Let me get the timeline straight...

Your friend knew this guy 'very well' a few years back.
He 'disappeared' from the area and no one knew where he went.
Your friend then just happens to move in next door to him.
Next door where he now lives with his new wife and building a family.
He has ignored her numerous times despite her 'running into him'.
She is now feeding you stories about his character.
She is withholding vital information that would allow you to make a decision.
She is asking for your validation on whether to report him to the SS.
Your friend, on some level, will know that ANY query to SS will throw up huge questions and unlikely they will say 'oh no problem, a case of mistaken identity - this will likely harm his ability to foster.


How long have you known this 'friend'? Maybe I'm a cynical old cow and been watching too much 24, but something seems fishy to me.

Spendless

meritaten said 'neighbour' not next door neighbour, I took this to be someone who just lived in her neighbourhood not necessarily a door or two away. Friend might not have known he and his wife were fostering until recently.

Thinking I recognised someone who was then acting as though they didn't remember me, would disconcert me. Is it possible he just doesn't remember her though meritaten.

hieveryone

Spendless wrote: »

meritaten said 'neighbour' not next door neighbour, I took this to be someone who just lived in her neighbourhood not necessarily a door or two away. Friend might not have known he and his wife were fostering until recently.

Thinking I recognised someone who was then acting as though they didn't remember me, would disconcert me. Is it possible he just doesn't remember her though meritaten.

Maybe he doesn't want to recognise her - maybe she has caused trouble for him before??