Has the time come to transfer Dad to a Care Home

Gavin83

Mr_Toad wrote: »

People are not automatically moved to some second rate, cheaper home the moment the money runs out.

Social services will not pay more than their standard rate unless there are no other options. Therefore it's at the homes discretion if they accept the social services rate. If the person has been there a while they may well accept it but I've known plenty of cases where the resident has been forced to move elsewhere.

GwylimT

Until two years ago we all lived with my grandma as she needed looking after, mentally she was fine, but her arthritis was so bad she couldn't cook or clean, but it started getting to the stage where she struggled to feed herself, dress and clean herself as she had little movement in her fingers.

At this point she had two choices, have a carer come in several times a day when we were at work or go into a home as we couldn't afford for one of use to give up work, plus my wife is quite severely disabled. We tried the carer route for a few weeks but obviously this meant when either myself or the carer wasn't at home gran couldn't eat etc so she decided to try a home temporarily by attending two local homes that also had day centres.

It did take my grandma a long time to feel settled but she is there now, she's happier and she's much better cared for.

Mr_Toad

My only contact with CPA was one of the carers I met on a carers course run by the Alzheimer's Society.

Their experience was far from good, they said the CPA was expensive and excruciatingly slow. There were a couple of others on the course who knew someone who knew someone who'd also had a bad experience, isn't there always!

I certainly wouldn't base any decisions on one persons experience of the CPA or hearsay but I would need to hear directly from other users before making a decision.

Errata

CPA (Care Programme Approach) is an NHS policy on treatment and as such comes at no cost to those it's designed to treat.

Mr_Toad

Errata wrote: »

CPA (Care Programme Approach) is an NHS policy on treatment and as such comes at no cost to those it's designed to treat.

Apologies, I thought we were talking about the Court of Protection.

Just ignore me

nicter

Errata wrote: »

CPA is designed to support people who have with serious cognitive mental health problems such as schizophrenia or bi-polar. Dementia is a functional mental health problem.
What's the difference? The easiest way to understand it is to view cognitive function as the thinking someone does, which has gone wonky but with treatment can get back on the right track, and functional as the brain not being able to function fully because it's been physically damaged by Alzheimers / multi infarct (small strokes).
The link I posted for you explains the target group CPA is designed to treat and help. Google CPA Approach, there is more information out there on the net.

sorry but that's the wrong way round
dementia is an organic illness and schizophrenia etc functional.

Errata

My apologies, and thanks for clarifying. I must have buttoned my head up the wrong way round this morning.

nad1611

Thanks for everyone's comments, a lot of food for thought, not an easy time but has to be faced eitherway, so knowing others have had similar experiences, is good to know.

Mojisola

nad1611 wrote: »

Thanks.I'll look up the book Contented Dementia. As said what is difficult is that whilst I can encourage my brother and other siblings to do the same, we don't all see things the same way. They are all very caring in their own way, it's just that they have I suppose, reached their breaking point before some of us others, so it's a really difficult situation to face.

I do understand.

Dad found it much harder to live in "Mum's reality" because he wanted his wife back as she was and kept trying to correct her when she made mistakes and/or got confused.

He came to see that Mum was much more settled and life was easier for all of us when we took our lead from her.

Mr_Toad

Mojisola wrote: »

I do understand.

Dad found it much harder to live in "Mum's reality" because he wanted his wife back as she was and kept trying to correct her when she made mistakes and/or got confused.

He came to see that Mum was much more settled and life was easier for all of us when we took our lead from her.

This is absolutely spot on.

One of the most surprising things I learned from the carers course run by the Alzheimer's Soc was to lie to them.

They told us that instictively we try to correct them and a favourite phrase is 'you remember'. But of course they don't remember, or if they do it's very patchy and constantly reminding/telling them only confuses and upsets them.

We were told that the kindest thing was, to use your words, take their lead and basically lie.

Mum will ask how Dad is and when is he coming to see her. He died in February and she has no memory of it, or the fact that he spent the last three years in a home with dementia. If you ask her she thinks he's at home. Every time you tell her he's passed away it's like the first time and the pain and loss she feels is massive.

Tell her he's fine and will come and see her later and she's happy. There's absolutely no point in upsetting her.

One of the saddest things was the chap in his 70s on the same carers course who was looking after his wife. He was convinced that if he told her something often enough that she'd remember it, like training a dog. Nothing anyone said to him would convince him otherwise and as a result he was almost constantly angy and frustrated and his wife was confused and upset.

You have to live with dementia to fully understand what a terrible thing it is.