Has the time come to transfer Dad to a Care Home

betsie

Hi
I had to do exactly this just over a year ago so I know exactly how you feel. I still cry just thinking about the car drive from his home to the care home, I had to wear sun glasses as I cried all the way there and didn't want him too see.

We didn't get social services involved, you don't need to if you don't want to if you are self funding ( in my experience they are not really interested if you are paying yourself). We found a home we liked, they came and assessed him then we took him the next day. I informed his dr ( who knew he had dementia although he was never officially diagnosed).

My dad has no memory span at all and is doubly incontinent but is not aggressive. He is quite happy in the home, at first he kept getting up yo come home with us when we visited but that only lasted a couple of months.

It is hard and the guilt doesn't go but I know he is safe and we couldn't keep him safe at home (we had the police helicopters looking for him twice). I also know my dad would not have wanted me to make myself ill trying to care for him, and this disease is much harder for the careers then the person who has it. You also know things will not get better, unfortunately he will only get worse.

There is an excellent forum, google Alzheimer's forum, has loads of info.

Re funding, are you claiming attendance allowance? It is
not means tested and is an extra few hundred a month towards care home fees.

My first step would be to find a care home you like ( my dad's one is like a big house and they all sit together in the living room in the day. They have armchair keep fit and entertainers in, they have also started going on day trips). You can always try him for a week or two on respite before you make the final decision.

Please pm me if you have any questions.

carefullycautious

You will need to inform any potential homes of the aggression as some wont take aggressive patients.

A full assessment of his needs will help identify the best environment for him.

A very sad time but his safety and you and your families well being is imperative.

nad1611

Thanks again. I hadn't even thought about the fact that they might not take aggressive people. Having said that there's only been two icidents and I'm sure you'd agree some people are better at reading situations than others. For example if Dad had been with me I really don't think the situation would have escalated to the point where he would have tried striking me. I feel as long as Dad's not posing a threat to himself or others then as far as possible he should be allowed to go out of the house and walk down the road, because he wouldn't get far because he'd be tired and we can follow. I think sometimes we need to get creative about how we manage things and we need to decide if our actions are always necessary, is it necessary to say no for example, couldn't we say yes and then distract

Anyway it's all academic because my brother can't continue, but I just wish there was another way

nad1611

Has anyone had any experience with a CPA (Care Programme Approach) and a person with Dementia?

Errata

nad1611 wrote: »

Has anyone had any experience with a CPA (Care Programme Approach) and a person with Dementia?

CPA is designed for people with severe mental health problems.
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/mental-health/Pages/care-programme-approach.aspx

Mojisola

Mum was much happier after I read "Contented Dementia" and put those ideas into practice.

Dad didn't go into a home as a dementia patient (although he deteriorated before he died) but I looked for a home that dealt with people in a similar way.

Brighton_belle

Mojisola wrote: »

Mum was much happier after I read "Contented Dementia" and put those ideas into practice.

Dad didn't go into a home as a dementia patient (although he deteriorated before he died) but I looked for a home that dealt with people in a similar way.

Mojisola, I just want to say a huge thank you for all your posts on various threads on this subject and dealing with aging parents/death etc. I'm a few stages behind what you have experiences, but moving through them and I do find your posts incredibly helpful, informative and supportive.

Mojisola

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Mojisola, I just want to say a huge thank you for all your posts on various threads on this subject and dealing with aging parents/death etc. I'm a few stages behind what you have experiences, but moving through them and I do find your posts incredibly helpful, informative and supportive.

I'm glad to be of help. The thing I found so difficult to start with was that no-one offered information, help and ideas. It was down to everyone in that situation to learn everything from scratch.

Forums like MSE are brilliant for sharing experiences.

nad1611

Thanks.I'll look up the book Contented Dementia. As said what is difficult is that whilst I can encourage my brother and other siblings to do the same, we don't all see things the same way. They are all very caring in their own way, it's just that they have I suppose, reached their breaking point before some of us others, so it's a really difficult situation to face.

I couldn't agree more with finding information, it's all about doing your research, I wonder what on earth it would be like without the internet, as it's ordainairy people that I gain most help and real first hand experience from. Let's hope that this new set up with care at home will be what's needed and who knows we may keep him at home that bit longer.

Would still really like to hear from anyone with first hand experience of the CPA approach, I know what it is, but would like to know about it with specific regard to Dementia.

Errata

CPA is designed to support people who have with serious cognitive mental health problems such as schizophrenia or bi-polar. Dementia is a functional mental health problem.
What's the difference? The easiest way to understand it is to view cognitive function as the thinking someone does, which has gone wonky but with treatment can get back on the right track, and functional as the brain not being able to function fully because it's been physically damaged by Alzheimers / multi infarct (small strokes).
The link I posted for you explains the target group CPA is designed to treat and help. Google CPA Approach, there is more information out there on the net.