money v quality of life?

serious_saver

I'm another vote for the 3 month trial. Spend a bit of time living off the equivalent of the lower wages and see how you manage. If you decide at the end to change jobs then you'll have some extra money in your account to help you transition.

I have recently chosen money over quality of life. I now have a 2 hour commute each way. The only way I am coping is that I know it's only for a year and it will help get our mortgage down before we renew next year. I can't wait to be working closer to home again!

74jax

Can you all not move closer to work?

i would hire a cleaner, we have one just once a fortnight and it's an absolute godsend.

Do you work weekends? I would try and make weekends as full and happy and stressfree family/friends time as possible.

pinkteapot

To share my similar experience:

Almost two years ago, I left my highly-paid job in the city for a local job.

I used to commute 2.5 hours a day (more when the trains were screwed up), now it's a 15 minute bike ride to work.

I had absolutely no passion for what I was doing - now I'm in a different job that I love.

I used to be so tired every evening that I'd just eat, slump in front of the TV for an hour, then go to bed. Now I'm doing things most evenings. Getting home at 5:30 instead of 7:30 makes a massive difference.

I earn a quarter of what I did before, but I've never been happier.

I do feel guilty sometimes. I'm married, but we don't have kids yet. Our lives would have been quite different if I'd stuck at the city career - we'd have been in a very different wealth position, could have sent any kids we have to private school if we'd wanted to, would have been mortgage-free much quicker, etc.

My husband was fully supportive as he knew how miserable I was. I worry more about the money I've given up than he does.

We're fortunate in that we're still comfortably off and able to put a decent amount aside each month for the future. It hasn't put our budget right on the edge. I think that if it had, the transition would have been considerably harder. We've cut back on our monthly spending quite a bit, but also only given up frivolities. To distract myself from work, I'd be in the London shops every lunch hour buying stuff I didn't need! Not any more. We also go on fewer holidays now, but I used to book lots of holidays because I felt like I needed them.

We were good at saving already so the main difference is to how much we're putting away each month.

As others have said, this has to be a joint conversation with your partner. You need to run through exactly what difference it would make to your budget, spending and saving. If you're unsure, you could try cutting back to your new spending limit for a couple of months, to see how it feels and see how much you have to give up.

Agree with getting a cleaner - we got one when we both used to commute (DH escaped to a local job a few years before me, but he's in a profession where he earns as much locally as he did when commuting anyway). Somehow I've managed to get away with keeping ours even though I earn less. We also only have ours fortnightly but it's a godsend and gives us more time to do what we want at weekends.

DigForVictory

+1 for quality of life AFTER a detailed chat with first spouse & then family. More spreadsheets to do a budget...

Ask in as not-leading way as you can, but try showing them the musts, nice-to-have & can-live-withouts "game" & see if they're all able to cope with the idea of a bundle less money. They may be willing to abandon quite a lot to have more time with you - children can be very generous!
Er, then there is the possibility of OH working maybe? Even part-time?

I'd guess unless you have a seriously materialistic family, that they'll support you & come up with all sorts of ways of doing just fine thanks on a lower income, and seeing more of you.

All the very best - and so much better to Plan this than to figure it on the fly from a sickbed....

Alikay

I would always choose quality of life over money (unless lack of money would affect life in an even greater way such as losing your home, of course).

Children are young for such a short time and 12/13 hours a day, 5 days a week is too long to be away from them IMO as it leaves so little time to spend together once you take away the average 10 /11 hours that a child is asleep.

If you take a job locally you will probably find your actual useable income isn't halved at all by the time you factor in lower tax and other deductions, petrol and paying for your physio....you may even find cutting down on wine doesn't seem much of a sacrifice once you don't need it to relax after work!

BucksLady

We only have one 'childhood' and I'm sure most of us reflect upon special times spent with parents, and not on material possessions gained. This is such a special time in your lives, so enjoy it

skintchick

I'd always choose quality of life. Work should only ever facilitate you having the life you want, not take over the life you have.

Do you like your job? If you do, then why not ask them about felxible working, working from home, going part time etc.

If you don't then yes look for something else!

Finances can always be made to work out. I'm a SAHM and we live in a very expensive town on one wage of around 43k, which is not very much for where we live (although plenty for other areas). Around here you pay 100k a bedroom for an ex-council house and at least 200k a bedroom otherwise. That's how pricey it is round here. But we have a three-bed ex-council house with massive garden, a cleaner, and a nice life that doesn't feel deprived. It can be done.

Think about what's really important to you and make your decisions based on that.

tillyenna

Just to add a counterpoint to those going 'see your kids over earning money'


My mam worked full time, with a horrific commute to earn good money for our family, we had a nanny to look after us growing up, and I love her - it's like having an extra parent :-D I had the best of both worlds, a 'parent' figure that was fun and around all day to entertain me, or pick me up straight after school, and was able to do all the hobbies I enjoyed (riding, ballet, music lessons) - my mam managed to fund my brother and me through independent education, which I am immensely grateful for, I know the value of my schooling.


She quit her job when I was 7 and retrained as a teacher (to spend more time with us) - I never saw much of her STILL (teaching means working ALL HOURS). As an adult, I can appreciate her quality of life is better now, and she loves her job, which is awesome - from a child's perspective, I loved it when she worked far away and we had our nanny looking after us


Oh, and for reference, yes I was spoilt rotten - there was a period as a teenager when I was indeed "spoiled" but I'm out of that now and grateful for everything she's given us financially and otherwise.

lika_86

pinkparrott wrote: »

I'm trying to decide what to do with my immediate future, I have a very good well paid job - I know I am extremely lucky compared to many. However I feel I have no quality of life .
I work full time and also commute between 3-3 1\2 hours a day ,I leave the house at 7:30 work 9-6 and get home between 7:30 and 8pm.
I have a good oh and 2 kids ages 6 and 8. But I feel like most ,that I' m constantly juggling and struggling to maintain thing's like keeping on top of housework and trying to spend a bit of quality time with my kids. The only me time I get in the time in the car each day driving,
The driving is affecting my back and I'm having to see a physio twice a month.
The moneys good but to be honest it isn't making me any happier,I spoil the kids ,who are starting to act like sploilt brats, probably to compensate not bring around, and I Aldo eat and drink too much.
I want to give my job up / look for one closer to home as I probably could get one in the city near to me (30 mins train ride) but it would be at least 1\2 the pay. We could survive just would have to get back on track and cut back on frivolaties / wine etc.
Only problem is I feel irresponsible towards my kids /family and feel I should get on with it and just stick it out.
I also have some health issues that I'm trying to sort out with my doc ,which is making me more tired than usual ,so maybe things just getting on top of me a bit

You don't mention whether your OH works or not, it would be useful to know whether your children have one parent already around all the time or not.

Can you get the train to work rather than drive? This would (presumably) shorten the commute and potentially allow you to get there earlier and leave earlier too. It would also allow you to do those annoying but time consuming tasks like checking emails etc before you actually get to work so that you can get straight on with the job. If not, could you discuss with your employer about leaving at say 4pm and then logging in from home after your children have gone to bed?

I agree with those who said to get a cleaner, if you're earning enough then it frees up your evening/weekend time.

It's all very well saying that it's time over money with them, but I work with a lot of people who were given every advantage in life and it does make things so much easier, as long as you can maintain some sort of balance.

time2deal

I think not having enough money to live the life you want can be pretty stressful too. So I would say balance the idea of being at home more, with ensuring you are not putting yourself in financial stress - now or in the future.

Don't forget you can go back to more work in 10 years or so. As I get older I realise how much time flies! If you keep up your contacts, maybe work 3 days a week, then in 10 years you can try to get back into the job if you enjoy it.

I am 'lucky' in a way. I got cancer last year and got a large payout that is funding some major lifestyle changes. I am leaving my city job, and once our baby arrives in a few months we will leave a London lifestyle (which we love) to go back to family and friends. Being sick was a major wakeup call. I realised there was no point earning more as I just spent it on lifestyle things. May as well earn less and spend less, we end up in the same net position. That's the theory anyway... maybe in a years time I will change my tune!