upset Mummy,leaving toddler at daycare

ceegee

Justie wrote: »

Is he upset because he can feel your tension?

That's what I wondered. Are you "positive" when talking to him about going, or are you unwittingly encouraging him by being apologetic about it? If you say things like "I'm sorry but you really must go" then it will come across to him as if nursery is a bad place to be. But if you inject some enthusiasm into it and tell him what a fun and exciting place it is then your enthusiasm will probably rub off onto him.

By the way......this Mummy lark is extremely difficult! We have no training for it and are thrown in at the deep end, so to speak. You have to learn as you go along. Listen to as many other Mummys as you can and see what they do. Some of what they do might not be the way you would do things, but by the same token you can learn an awful lot!

Take heart....we've all been there and we know just how you are feeling!

ooo000ooo

My OH is a childminder, one of the kids she looked after for a while had her parents wound up something shocking about being dropped off - howling and screaming, refusing to get out of the car, clinging on to their legs and telling them she was scared of me (i didn't do anything on her) The father used to wait round the corner until he saw me leaving and then spend 20 minutes trying to calm her down before leaving and on several occasions he gave into her and took her back home again. It was starting to really get to my oh as, as soon as they'd left, the kid sulked for a while (about 5minutes) and then started playing with the other kids.
She had to tell the father that he was to put her into the car, bring her up with no discussion on the way, hand her over to the OH at the front door and leave straight away.
Within 2 days the child was walking in the front door herself all smiles, waving goodbye to her dad (who sat in the car looking totally gobsmacked) and straight into play with everyone else.

barbie_babe

I have four children and my first three loved going to playgroup in the mornings so they could mix with other children. But my fourth child hated the thought of leaving me. She would scream until she was sick. So I helped other mums in my area take over a mums and tots group then when we had loads of people coming we starting doing two days a week.
I also found two other mums and tots groups that were just out of my area which took half an hour to walk to. So she and I had four days out every week together. This really worked well for me and her and she went to school Pre School at 3 and was fine. She only went mornings so we could carry on with are afternoon groups. When she went to school full time she hugged me and ran off to play with her friends she was so happy. Every child is different and I think as a mum you must do what’s right for both of you.
Even if you can’t get a mums and tots group together in hall why not get a group of friends together and take it in turns going to each others house for the day.
I think what I did with daughter might work well for your little boy.

wendym

My daughter's first child was ready and thrilled to go to nursery. Her second (same age, same circumstances) was distraught. So was my daughter.

She is lumbered with a husband who doesn't believe in 'failure' but followed her instincts and decided to say that the visits to nursery had been on a 'let's just see how this goes' basis.

Two or three months later, her daughter asked if she was now big enough to go to nursery, so they tried again and she happily waved goodbye.

Unless you have no choice, going with your instinct is usually right, and things change so quickly when they're little.

Merlot

I do really feel for you OP, my youngest was exactly the same, he would scream, cling on to my legs when I went to drop him at nursery, he was 2.5 at the time. I tried it for a week and I couldn't bear it any longer, he simply was not happy and I was so upset after leaving him screaming, I burst into tears every morning after leaving him. I decided to try another playgroup in the town a week later, and to my utter amazement he loved it from day one.

In my opinion I would pull your child out of nursery and try another one, it might just work.

Being a mother is one of the most difficult things in life, you want to protect your child and make them happy, trust your instincts, only you truly knows your child.

I wish you all the best in finding a solution, in the meantime I am sending you a hug:grouphug: .

Merlot

Carmina_Piranha_3

we've been talking this morning about this, some of us are getting places for our tots to start in september. they are summer babies so aren't 2 yet and it's pretty scary to think that in a year they have to go into nursery, and the following year into full time formal education.

the girl i was talking to is doing it for her daughter's benefit - she doesn't HAVE to go anywhere, and neither does mine. she's more positive about it than i am, i have asked for the info but haven't actually decided to go through with it, but there's the worry that if i don't choose the sept term all the places will go because we only get one nursery intake here.

she thinks she will just drop her daughter off and go, she doesn't think the hanging around and gradually spending less time there is a good idea. but i'm going to stay. my toddler is a wimp and i want to see what ages the other kids are, how structured things are and how the staff handle the children. i know that some of the kids there are almost 5 (they are in proper nursery in the afternoon so they are going to this playgroup until they start school) so if that happens next year some of the children will be almost twice my son's age and i don't know how he would cope with that if playtime is a free-for-all and the bigger kids are allowed to take control and tell the littlies that they aren't allowed on the equipment - i've seen that happen so often at toddler groups.

anyway, i was just wondering if there's an issue with another child, maybe somebody frightens him? have you been in and stayed for a bit to see how well organised they are? are the children in groups with a keyworker or all in a big group?

i used to be adamant that no child of mine would ever be dropped off anywhere before nursery age but each child is different so i am adjusting my views. you really shouldn't feel guilty - yes perhaps you are getting a bit of a break while your child is in playgroup but you got a break during the lunchtime nap and didn't feel guilty for that for some children these playgroups really are for their benefit and mum getting a break is incidental.

loopy_lass

Awwww, isnt this all difficult for us, i am not saying anyone is right or wrong, all i can tell you is what and why i did what i did:

i went through a similar situation with my daughter and creche at college, some 16yrs ago. I chose then to stay at home with her as neither of us could settle. She has now reached the age of 16 and i went back to full time work, now 3 and a half months in, she is stressing, i am stressing, we are missing each other and im now considering packing work up to stay at home again, although she is to go to college in sept.

She is a perfectly normal healthy happy kid, but to my mind, she is the most precious thing i have responsibility to, and no work, money or anything will ever come before that. Im not prepared to put myself or my child through any unecessary anxiety ... end of, time cannot be turned back, i have enjoyed my child, yes i have struggled financially, i have been lonely and sometimes a little board, but wow have i got a happy, well balance, honest, caring, great kid!

just my opinion

Loops

Yorkshire-Lady_3

As a childminder the only advice I can offer is that 2 afternoons is too 'bitty'. In my experience, the children who settle best are the ones which come more sessions/days. My eldest DD went mon/tues to nursery and had forgotten about it til I pulled up again on the monday. For 6 weeks they hd to prise her off me. I, too felt dreadful. We then swapped her days and added an extra so that she went mon/wed/fri. Problem solved.

Hope this helps.

Sally x

brainache_2

Hi
I am a volunteer in a playgroup and am studying for my NVQ3 in childcare, from what i have learned so far i would question the settling in policy of your nursery. Your child should have a keyworker who he/she can form a bond with and who is there to welcome your child. I know I have some children who follow me around all day and some who won't come near me. The place should be welcoming and perhaps have suggested you could stay until they are settled. Some children have comfort toys to bring with them which certainly helps.
I think they should be reassuring you more and going through an action plan to help your child settle in. I would also think about whether your child is tired in the afternoons - would a morning place be better?? this seems to work with some of our children.
Most children who have been really upset at first settle in and it is amazing how different they are after a time, it is my aim to get them to settle in and become confident and enjoy their time.
Hope this helps

Savvy_Sue

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

they are summer babies so aren't 2 yet and it's pretty scary to think that in a year they have to go into nursery,

No they don't. Just because the places are free, doesn't mean the child has to go if it's not right for them.

to the OP, when you said your child starts to get upset from the morning, that didn't sound right. Plenty of children kick off at first then calm down as soon as mum is out of sight, but stressing all day must spoil the whole day.