upset Mummy,leaving toddler at daycare

jopsey

Today I broke my heart crying and was physically sick after leaving my son at nursery .(I know i'm not the first )

He is 2 years 3 month's old and he started 6 weeks ago ,only 2 afternoon sessions a week .
The first 2 weeks were fine he just waved see you later mum .. no probs but then it went down hill and each week he is getting worse .

Don't really know what I am asking but think I feel guilty because I don't " need" him to go to nursery ,but I thought he was ready .


The nursery staff are lovely and said this is quite common ,but why do i feel evil leaving him ,He is even getting upset from early breakfast time till we leave to go at 1pm.

My reaction is give it another week and see if it's any better if DP takes him,DP thinks we should just knock it on the head now if it's getting us both this upset .

I really appreciate peoples opinons/advice as you have helped so much with other child issues

How fantastic but hard is this Mummy lark ?

Poppy9

Trust your instincts. Ask can you stay with him for an hour or so at nursery to see how he interacts with other children. There maybe a child who he feels overpowered by. I know from friends that they have moved nurseries with their children as they were not settling and they were often happier at the new nursery. Sometimes it's nothing you can put your finger on.

I was lucky with my DD in that she only objected for about 3 mornings of going to nursery and that was only when I came to leave. I don't know what triggered it off as she had been going for over 8 months but the staff were excellent and would ring me through the morning to tell me how she was so I wouldn't fret. She was fine again after that but if she hadn't settled back down and had been getting stressed before we left the house I would have taken her out of there.

I know it's hard and you need a break, have you considered swapping a morning or afternoon with a friend in a similar positon. You have hers for a session and she reciprocates so you both have a break. I did this with friends I met at mother and toddler group.

jopsey

thanks for reply ,
we use to go to load's of sure start club's some with him in creche some where I stayed and played , he was fine after the initial settling in,but most of the club's have stopped due to funding and he really missed being with the other children thats why I got him a place at nursery .


I can leave him with my parent's if I need a break ,and also have some friend's like you mentioned I have met at playgroup.

latley he has been as good as gold seems to be getting over his terrible two patch nicely ,but this seems to be setting him back.

thanks again

Poppy9

Ask your health visitor about clubs or ring your local churches as they usually run clubs. They don't try to recruit you and usually just charge £1.

For surestart clubs ring your local council and ask to speak to the Surestart co-ordinator and ask where they have clubs. Still plenty of money coming from Govt. for this initiative but they may have moved the areas where they are running clubs.

buxtonrabbitgreen

I took one of my DD's to playgroup (as it was then) at about 2 and a half and after the first session, she cried at the door, didn't want to go in etc. I tried for about 2 weeks then gave up as she obviously didn't enjoy it. At 3 she got a place at the nursery run by the local school and loved it right from the off. I don't know if it was because it seemed to be much better organized, structured ,and quieter or because she was just that bit older.Maybe a bit of both. Like you I didn't need to take her but just fancied a bit of time for myself. To me it wasn't worth her distress. Maybe if you can leave it a while then try again he will take to it better.

TheWaltons_3

My DD is getting like this going to the childminders. I felt so guilty this morning I almost kept her home... but hubby said if I do that whenever she kicks off.. I'll be taking her to work with me!

they calm down when we go anyway!

jopsey

Poppy9 wrote: »

Ask your health visitor about clubs or ring your local churches as they usually run clubs. They don't try to recruit you and usually just charge £1.

For surestart clubs ring your local council and ask to speak to the Surestart co-ordinator and ask where they have clubs. Still plenty of money coming from Govt. for this initiative but they may have moved the areas where they are running clubs.

I am a surestart volunteer so am in touch with surestart weekly ,it is just a problem with our local area regarding budget ect and hopefully in by sept it should be sorted.

I also went to church mums and tot's from him being 3 months old but that has just folded as was part funded by surestart ,we the Mum's are trying to get it back running and had a meeting last week.

It is really sad the area I live in use to have something on every day sometimes twice a day , now we are down to twice a week ,with one club being on when he is in nursery.:cool:

jopsey

TheWaltons wrote: »

My DD is getting like this going to the childminders. I felt so guilty this morning I almost kept her home... but hubby said if I do that whenever she kicks off.. I'll be taking her to work with me!

they calm down when we go anyway!

I know that's why I have carried on they learn so quickly don't they?

As the calming down I know he does but when I pick him up he sob's till we get home .

I think it's just that urge to protect you child that overwelm's you and mine today was on top form :rotfl:

Justie

Is he upset because he can feel your tension? If you're feeling guilty cos you don't HAVE to put him in childcare then he may be picking up on that. If the staff say he's fine when he's there then it may not be him who is worried about nursery.

If he is having problems with the nursery though then I would arrange to visit for part of a session - I wouldn't go in with him at the beginning of the session though as children often settle better without their parent there but arrange to go in towards the end where you can see how he is when he's not expecting you to be there.

Becles

Have you talked to staff about behaviour after you have gone?

My eldest was a nightmare when I dropped him off at playgroup. He would cling to my leg and scream "pleeeeaasssee don't leeeeeaaaavvvveee me" and generally act like a right drama queen.

Once I'd left the building, staff said he just got on a played with stuff as normal and was happy as larry. My other son was a small baby at the time, and I think he was just doing it so I'd feel unsettled leaving him and wouldn't enjoy time on my own with just the baby.

My youngest son didn't like me leaving either, but again he was ok when I'd gone. He really took a shine to one staff member, so I used to leave him holding her hand and say "you have fun with Mimi, and I'll get all the boring ironing and hoovering done while you are here". He seemed to settle better knowing that if he was at home, he wouldn't have my attention as I'd be busy.

lindseykim13

I couldnt bare to leave my child when it is upsetting them. I felt like you when my DS started nursery so i looked into home education. You dont need any qualifications to do it. If you dont want to send your child at the moment there is no harm in waiting another year or never send them. They dont legally have to be educated until they are 5 and even then, the law is to give them an education not just to be sent to school, you are more than entitled to keep your child at home untill you feel they either want to go to school or they never have to if they dont want. Check out education-otherwise.org its not for everyone, just thought i'd let people know it is a real option as not many people know it even exsists. A child will learn more when they are in a place and environment they want to be in and are happy. All the best.