Coping with loneliness

BritAbroad

I feel lonely a lot of the time (at least 60% of the time), and sometimes it gets overwhelming. Wondering if anyone has any practical tips for accepting and embracing it? It's not about meeting new people and making friends, I want to be able to be comfortable with the situation as it is. I have tried to meet new people without success and every time I try and don't succeed it chips away at my self-confidence, which is why I want to be able to accept the situation. I do have a lovely OH but he's been through a lot recently and I don't want to burden him.

summerof0763

am sure if you told your oh they would love to help
I don't even have an oh, and like you struggle with lonliness
I tried seeing if there were any meet up clubs near me, that might be an idea for both you and oh.
but big hugs I know what lonliness feels like xx

good_advice

Hiya, many would give a lot to live like you in the USA, in a home with over 6 bedrooms. I have looked at your other posts.

Have you a cat or dog? they are always company.
Put the radio on and start crafting or tidying up.
I love being at home. Set daily tasks to keep busey.

catkins

I assume you don't live alone as you have an OH so when are you lonely? Are you at home and your OH working? I don't work mainly due to my health and my OH works full time (often long hours and sometimes away from home).


At first I used to get lonely but now it doesn't really bother me - I get a bit down occasionally when OH is away as I don't like him being away from home.


I don't know if you have any hobbies or interests but I try and keep myself busy during the day, not just with keeping the house clean and tidy but also I read, I might do some knitting or sewing (am useless at sewing but trying to get better). I sometimes get the bus into my local town and have a wander round the shops, treat myself to a coffee or even lunch, go to the library (I often spend ages in there!). I don't really have any friends so I go alone.


I also find that a lot of my time is taken up with my dogs. I try and walk them 2 or 3 times a day so that is time out of the house (at least half an hour each walk but usually more like an hour) and then brushing them, feeding them, playing with them all takes time. I almost always meet people on my walks, some I know and some new ones and chat to them.


Obviously I know nothing about you or your health etc but do you have a dog? If not would it be possible for you to think of helping someone out by walking their dog or doing dog boarding? I know pets can't answer you but they do seem to make you feel less lonely and, as I say, when you walk a dog you find lots of people speak and you may even make friends that way

Mojisola

BritAbroad wrote: »

I feel lonely a lot of the time (at least 60% of the time), and sometimes it gets overwhelming. Wondering if anyone has any practical tips for accepting and embracing it?

It's not about meeting new people and making friends, I want to be able to be comfortable with the situation as it is. I have tried to meet new people without success and every time I try and don't succeed it chips away at my self-confidence, which is why I want to be able to accept the situation.

Rather than trying to make new friends, have you tried volunteering to help other people? There's nothing like seeing how big other people's problems are to help you appreciate what you've got.

Other than that, have you tried some sort of mindfulness training or meditation?

heartbreak_star

Do you/could you work? If not, another vote for volunteering - maybe a kids' summer camp, they should be coming up soon

HBS x

ManofLeisure_2

I think we 'all' feel lonely at some point in our lives, and it's quite normal to do so. However, loneliness is often a transient stage - it doesn't have to last forever. If you are able to identify the reasons as to why you feel 'lonely', then changes can be made

pickledonionspaceraider

Bazzinga...you are at peace. Yes it really is as easy as that - you are in control of your own mind

BritAbroad

I think I know why I'm lonely - I don't have many friends - really only one nearby with whom I can have a proper conversation. A couple have young kids and I can never see them without them, and they are constantly distracted by the kids when I do see them. Another couple of folk I would have considered friends have done some very hurtful things, so I've learned to keep my distance.

I do have pets, though not a dog. OH is scared of dogs. There are also practical reasons why we couldn't have a dog just now anyway.

I do volunteer, I've been volunteering at the same place for a couple of years. I do like it but haven't made any friends there, though the volunteers will all pass the time of day. Same with the gym. I did look for a meet up group but the only one near me was a mother and kids playgroup thing.

There are days when I'll go out and wander round the shops, maybe even buy something just so I can chat with the cashier for a few seconds. Other times I can be in a busy place and feel so, so alone I want to cry.

I've felt like this for a long time now, at least 9 months. It's getting worse though. TBH, every time I've tried to make new friends it hasn't happened and I've ended up feeling worse, so I'd prefer to get comfortable with the loneliness and then if I do manage to make some more friends in the future it becomes a bonus.

I do enjoy crafts and reading but lately I've been unable to concentrate to do either. I have a million and one things that need doing in the house but I've done almost everything that I can do single-handed and I don't have anyone who can help me with the heavy lifting for the bigger jobs (OH had an accident so is unable to help). I have to do all the housework at the moment and all the driving - I loathe housework at the best of times so it's getting me down!

FBaby

It does sound like you are in a need a a few friends. I understand you've tried that but didn't succeed. I have moved many times and had had to build new relationships each time. I have found that it takes a long time of sticking to a routine and seeing the same people before it gets to the stage of starting a friendship. Many nods, timid smiles, shy hellos before it turns into a short conversation and then more.

Remember that others will feel like you too, so don't hesitate to make the first steps to getting to know someone better, they might be hugely grateful for it.

minimoneysaver

What State are you in? I used to live in Ohio, by Cleveland. There were loads of local crafting groups for various things.

Failing that, how about getting a part time job? It would remove you from the house and give you a sense of purpose.