Opinions.

Buzzybee90

BigAunty wrote: »

26 is a terrible age to be living at home if the person has employment income and especially if there are domestic issues.

The OP can find a cheap flat share or lodgings and continue to save, perhaps not at the same pace and rate as living at home, but most people transition from parents houses, into rented accommodation and then buying.

He has two choices - move out or put up with it, though it sounds like his mum's partner is quite likely to throw him out if he stands up to him.

My siblings and I left home at ages 17 to 19. Most of my friends left home at 18 or 19 to attend University or take up jobs in the nearest cities.

I only knew one person to continue to live at home in his 20s and even he had stints of working overseas. Due to his lack of skills and qualifications, he could only get low paid jobs, and because of his expensive hobby and being in an area with few rental opportunties (all expensive, it was an affluent area) he elected to live cheaply at home.

So, yeah, time to cut the apron strings and prioritise independence over your savings target. It will at the very least stop you from being manipulated by that guy, for starters. He will always have a hold over you while he believes, (even incorrectly) that he is subsidising you. And actually, if you aren't contributing towards household bills, he is effectively subsidising you.

I also think its a shame that you take sides against your mother when you prefer to support her, but I can see why there is a lot of pressure on you to be so unsupportive towards her.

Let's not overreact here, there's nothing terrible about living at home at 26, especially as the OP has left home before.

ska_lover

Move out. You being there is probably putting a strain on their relationship in itself

dktreesea

It sounds to me like some of the reason for the arguments is your mum's husband feels some of the funds he could be using for himself are going on supporting you.

It may be your Mum's perogative to support you, but it certainly shouldn't be her husband's burden.

Do the right thing. Pay him rent for your room and board, or move out and pay it to someone else.

BigAunty

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Let's not overreact here, there's nothing terrible about living at home at 26, especially as the OP has left home before.

There's nothing particularly great about living at home at the age of 26, and especially when you've boomeranged back.

Seanymph

If being there means you can save money, and being elsewhere means you can't, then the money you are saving is being subsidised - possibly by him.

Does your mum work? Is she contributing to your keep? Have they been married long? Did he raise you? Is your father supporting you too?

All these things will be feeding into how your stepfather feels.

Obviously if this argument KEEPS happening then he has issues that aren't being addressed.

Don't wait for it to be a row, sit and talk to him, tell him you appreciate his support, and ask him how you can best make it more equitable for him and see what he says.

Or talk to your mum and get her to have the conversation with him.

Generally OH's kids talk to him, mine talk to me, and we discuss it together and agree what to do.

Sometimes we don't agree though then we have to sort it out.

I think to expect him to support you is ok, given some circumstances, and a bit cheeky in others - but obviously he feels under a lot of pressure and isn't coping with it.

ska_lover

BigAunty wrote: »

There's nothing particularly great about living at home at the age of 26, and especially when you've boomeranged back.

Absolutely, I mean - how long are parents supposed to fund their children, until the children reach middle age??

The stepdad clearly wants the OP out. I understand his POV. At 26 years old, the very LEAST op should be doing for imposing on their lives is to be paying her way.

Some parents actually have plans of what they are going to do when the children have flown the coop. But seemingly these days, they aren't expected to want to spend their hard earned money and time on themselves

ManofLeisure_2

Crikey, what a strange set-up. To be honest OP, I think your mother's husband is rather manipulative. He has made you feel indebted to him by heping you out financially, but in return you are expected to take his side when an argument breaks out. My advice is to walk away and make a new life for yourself.

Seanymph

I rather thought the argument was ABOUT the OP - and what the Stepfather wanted was the OP to understand the problem rather than 'side' with him in a domestic that was unrelated to his presence.

meritaten

can I take a different point of view on this? when he argues with your mum he expects you to take his side - and you do. against your mum?
I am glad I am NOT your mother - she has an argument with him about you and ..........you turn round and take HIS side! and she buys your food and I expect a bit more...........and you take his side? you sitting there 'agreeing' with him - that is taking his side! why not just walk away? refuse to get involved? disappear to your room?
He has bought you. you and him are browbeating your mother into submission.
yes you should dam well keep out of it - or take mums side! because this horrible man is using you and you are letting him.you haven't once thought how this is affecting your mum have you? its plain from your post its all about YOU!
for once, think what this is doing to your mother - how its affecting her!
Perhaps she would like to leave but can't, because she thinks you are doing absolutely fine and dandy there! I would live with the devil if it benefited my child.
Talk to her - between the both of you surely you could find somewhere else to live away from this person.

dktreesea

ManofLeisure wrote: »

Crikey, what a strange set-up. To be honest OP, I think your mother's husband is rather manipulative. He has made you feel indebted to him by heping you out financially, but in return you are expected to take his side when an argument breaks out. My advice is to walk away and make a new life for yourself.

The thing is with the mother's husband, he may have had no experience, up to now, of living with any of her children, i.e. they might have net when the children were all grown up and flown the coop.

It sounds to me that he has agreed to something, his wife's son moving back in, without being fully honest with his partner as to whether he wanted to do that, and has now found himself out of pocket because of it.