Opinions.

[simon]

I am 26.

I have been living with my mum and her husband for 2 years.

It is his house. Bought and paid for.

I started to live here due to my own relationship break up and couldn't afford to live alone. I was on part time hours.

Since been here. My mum and her husband argue. A lot. Her husband tries to involve me pretty much every time. Expecting me to take a side.

I know that they always make up again.

I have been keeping the piece, just agreeing with him. Keeping my mouth shut.

I did this because he is helping me out. I.e I don't pay board. And I have been helping him with his business.

I have now found full time and almost have enough to get a flat / rent a place and build up from there.

Personally I would like to stay here, save my money then buy a house.

I find him hard to get on with, work wise and personally, because he is sooo stressful and about most situations.

I don't like getting caught in their arguments.

The way I see it is, he is doing me a favour and as long as I help him and my mum and pay board ASAP now that I am out of money difficulties, that is me respecting / been greatful for the help I received.

Him and my mum are / should be separate relationship. From me.

But he sees it as we are a team / live together, therefor we are all involved in any arguments.

Although the arguments usually blow over its just a matter of time until the next one. When I get caught up in the arguments it's always about how much he has helped me out ect and that he is in debt coz of me. Even though my mum buys my food, maybe his bills have gone up a bit, but it's not the bills he is in debt with, it's his own credit cards.

I even get told I've got a months to get out. Just because I refuse to take a side. As usual. But I know things will blow over in a few days / week. As usual.

I can do my own work full time now and rent a place and build up.

I have never lived in this situation before, never experienced this kind of arguing. Maybe every family has simular arguments ?

I don't like the way arguments make me feel inside, uneasy, angry and sad. I don't want to make any rash decisions,

I don't like how i plan my future when we are ok, I feel happy to stay, save up to buy a house, when we argue I just want out.

Opinions / experiences ??

*Robin*

You're 26 - it's time to be a grown-up; move out.

shoppaholic_returns

26 and still at home:eek::eek:

Surely this is telling you its time to make your own way in life??

balletshoes

It doesn't sound like its a great home life for any of you in the household set-up - I think you'd be happier in your own place OP. Owning isn't everything, you'll get there, but for your peace and peace of mind, I think you're better moving out and into your own place.

pinkshoes

Rent a room in a house share or be someone's lodger.

Use that spare room website.

Time to move out...

schwam66

its crazy the above ppl saying move out cuz your 26......it is crazy but at the same time i know my kids can stay with me till their 40 if it takes that long to save and get a house....thats what i would recommend you do....stay there and save your !!! off.....renting is a fools game and once you start renting you will never be able to save like you would be able to at home....

i would suggest you toss some money in though maybe £100-£150 a month for food and electrics etc. it might help the arguing situation if your step dad is !!!!ed your just leaching off him, i know you said you help with his business but maybe that isnt enough.....

hope it all works out my friend, all the best and good luck in the future!

sulphate

I find it interesting that on any thread where someone is complaining about how hard it is to save up for a house deposit, lots of people say "live at home if you can and save up"

Yet on this kind of thread the comments go along the lines of "you're an adult now so time to act like one"

My now-husband and I lived with my parents for 2 years whilst we saved up for a deposit. Although we only moved in because he went to uni and I couldn't afford to pay the rent on my wage which was very low at the time. It was VERY difficult; lots of arguments, my dad and I don't get on, we never had our own space etc but eventually we saved up enough and bought our house last year. Like i said it was hard but I'm still glad we did it because we wouldn't be in the position we are now otherwise.

jaylee3

Hi Si.

Yeah, 26 isn't a ridiculous age to still be at home. Young men especially tend to stay longer than young women. But if it's not working, then I would leave. 36 maybe But 26 is not that old.

You must pay board and lodgings yes? So if it's unbearable at home or you cannot stay, then how about going into a house share, or rent a room in someone's house??? You should find somewhere that is a cheap as your home with your mother.

Then you can still save.

jaylee3

sulphate wrote: »

I find it interesting that on any thread where someone is complaining about how hard it is to save up for a house deposit, lots of people say "live at home if you can and save up"

Yet on this kind of thread the comments go along the lines of "you're an adult now so time to act like one"

My now-husband and I lived with my parents for 2 years whilst we saved up for a deposit. Although we only moved in because he went to uni and I couldn't afford to pay the rent on my wage which was very low at the time. It was VERY difficult; lots of arguments, my dad and I don't get on, we never had our own space etc but eventually we saved up enough and bought our house last year. Like i said it was hard but I'm still glad we did it because we wouldn't be in the position we are now otherwise.

:T Well done ... Hope you'll be happy. Nothing wrong with staying with parents for a while if you CAN. There is no shame in it. Houses are sooooo expensive these days, that it's becoming more and more common now!

krlyr

Move out. Not because you're 26, but because you're stuck in a bad situation. You are the only one who can control this situation, because you cannot make your stepdad stop involving you in arguments, nor stop your mum being involved in them. Therefore, the one aspect of the situation you can control is removing yourself from the house, especially now you can afford it.

Moving out at 20 was the best thing I did for my relationship with my mum. I love her dearly but we were clashing so much, and the whole having to put up with it because she was putting a roof over my head just added to the arguments.

As suggested, a houseshare may be a way to move out whilst still being able to put some money in savings for a house. I really enjoyed the couple of years I spent in houseshares, I managed to get independence without being totally on my own. It allowed me to afford to do my driving test and buy a car, which helped a lot too.

BigAunty

26 is a terrible age to be living at home if the person has employment income and especially if there are domestic issues.

The OP can find a cheap flat share or lodgings and continue to save, perhaps not at the same pace and rate as living at home, but most people transition from parents houses, into rented accommodation and then buying.

He has two choices - move out or put up with it, though it sounds like his mum's partner is quite likely to throw him out if he stands up to him.

My siblings and I left home at ages 17 to 19. Most of my friends left home at 18 or 19 to attend University or take up jobs in the nearest cities.

I only knew one person to continue to live at home in his 20s and even he had stints of working overseas. Due to his lack of skills and qualifications, he could only get low paid jobs, and because of his expensive hobby and being in an area with few rental opportunties (all expensive, it was an affluent area) he elected to live cheaply at home.

So, yeah, time to cut the apron strings and prioritise independence over your savings target. It will at the very least stop you from being manipulated by that guy, for starters. He will always have a hold over you while he believes, (even incorrectly) that he is subsidising you. And actually, if you aren't contributing towards household bills, he is effectively subsidising you.

I also think its a shame that you take sides against your mother when you prefer to support her, but I can see why there is a lot of pressure on you to be so unsupportive towards her.