Don't know what to do.

Hatemyself

I really don't what to do,

My feelings for my husband have changed in the last 6 months, we have a son together, we are married, he has 2 daughters from previous relationship, who he hadn't seen for 2 years, and in last 6 months has had contact again.

He can't see why I get so worked up, when it comes to his daughters,
Here are a few examples,

I ask husband to come to our sons new school, for a parents meeting and to visit the school and teachers, he says he has stuff to do and can't come,
His daughter asks him to go to her school with her mother, and he says sure what time ?..,

I ask him to come away with my son and me , he says he doesn't want to come and do something with us,
His daughter asks him to go out and he jumps,,

I have tried saying stuff, and all he says is, he lives with me and our son, and I need to stop being so stupid and stop being jealous that he does stuff with them,

Please help me, am I being insecure and stupid? Or ?

At this moment in time I am in the frame of mind, to tell him our relationship is over, but then I think about our son, and how upset he will be if daddy goes, I hate myself so much,

Person_one

Have you been supportive of him having a relationship with his daughters after all that time he missed out on?

Remember, they are his children just as much as your son is. All three children should be equally important to him, your son shouldn't be coming last but he shouldn't always be coming first either.

Being completely honest, are you a bit jealous?

Hatemyself

No not jealous, !!!!ed off,
The point is,,, I ask him to do stuff ,,,he makes excuses, his daughter asks him, he jumps,,,
So I'm always doing stuff with our son on my own,,, he is now doing stuff with his daughter and his ex !

The more he does this, the more I am swaying to telling him to move out and I'll carry on doing everything on my own, as that's what I seem to be doing anyhow.

go_cat

Sounds like he is trying to make up the last 2 years by spending time with his daughters. If you are not careful this will cause a massive rift, could you do something will all 3 children together ?

PlymouthMaid

If this is what happens consistently I would be quite annoyed too. Sounds like he may be trying to prove himself as a good Dad to the daughters and ex and so jumps whenever they ask (overcompensating). I think he does need to be fairer to you and your son. You need to handle this carefully so that you don't seem resentful of the actual time he spends with them , just make your point that you and your son would like some time too.

Confusedandneedhelp

Hatemyself wrote: »

I really don't what to do,

My feelings for my husband have changed in the last 6 months, we have a son together, we are married, he has 2 daughters from previous relationship, who he hadn't seen for 2 years, and in last 6 months has had contact again.

He can't see why I get so worked up, when it comes to his daughters,
Here are a few examples,

I ask husband to come to our sons new school, for a parents meeting and to visit the school and teachers, he says he has stuff to do and can't come,
His daughter asks him to go to her school with her mother, and he says sure what time ?..,

I ask him to come away with my son and me , he says he doesn't want to come and do something with us,
His daughter asks him to go out and he jumps,,

I have tried saying stuff, and all he says is, he lives with me and our son, and I need to stop being so stupid and stop being jealous that he does stuff with them,

Please help me, am I being insecure and stupid? Or ?

At this moment in time I am in the frame of mind, to tell him our relationship is over, but then I think about our son, and how upset he will be if daddy goes, I hate myself so much,

2 things spring to mind here:

1: he's making up for lost time with his daughters, which I don't think u should hold against him.- if u did split up ud want ur son to have a relationship with him.

2: he's not aware of what he's got at home, easy to do. I did it, I regret it. U get used to it as a constant. Remind him of what he's got, plan a weekend, or longer for the holidays.

**Patty**

The daughters are not the problem here.......he is.

It depends on why contact stopped.......is he over-compensating because he feels guilty? Or is he trying to make up for all the times he missed out?

Either way.....it's not fair on everyone (daughters included!)

I know you're annoyed.....but from the tone of your posts it seems like you feel he should ask first before he does things with the daughters? Although playing happy families with the ex seems a bit :eek:

Confusedandneedhelp

**Patty** wrote: »

The daughters are not the problem here.......he is.

It depends on why contact stopped.......is he over-compensating because he feels guilty? Or is he trying to make up for all the times he missed out?

Either way.....it's not fair on everyone (daughters included!)

I know you're annoyed.....but from the tone of your posts it seems like you feel he should ask first before he does things with the daughters? Although playing happy families with the ex seems a bit :eek:

Depends really, if there's no feelings and it's just co parenting then nothing to worry about. But if there's still feelings then...

missnww

I can totally understand why your upset about this too. The more you resent it though the more your behavior will push him away anyway even if you dont mean it to. Just because he lives with you doesnt give him an excuse not to bother putting any effort in. Try and talk to him without getting into an argument even though your angry and try to sort something out so that you arnt left feeling like you and your son are neglected

Poppie68

You make it sound like you are basically living 2 different lives..is this the case?

Sit him down and explain how you feel...i don't think you are jealous you are angry he seems to be forgetting you and your son need attention as well. Tell him but do it in a calm way, tell him you would like your son and the 2 girls to start spending time together, maybe suggest a short break away,something like centre parcs, the 3 siblings can do things together and your husband will hopefully see the benefit of you all spending time together.

Mojisola

Poppie68 wrote: »

Sit him down and explain how you feel...i don't think you are jealous you are angry he seems to be forgetting you and your son need attention as well. Tell him but do it in a calm way, tell him you would like your son and the 2 girls to start spending time together,

This ^

Get him to make arrangements so that he's seeing his daughters without his ex. It's not usual to pick up with estranged children and start doing things as a family again with the ex.

He also needs to get a balance between the two sets of children - he risks alienating the child he has at home if it looks as if he's putting the other children first.