New Mums - stay at home or back to work?

barbiedoll

I stayed at home until my son was 3 years old. We lived in a one-bedroomed flat (small mortgage) and we had an ancient car. It was very tough financially, some days the choice was either buying a pint of milk or a newspaper, we couldn't afford both! My DH and I had decided that I would stay at home for the first few years, I was pretty sure that we would only have one child and I didn't want to hand him over to someone else after a few months. I was lucky that DH was on board, he supported us by working very long hours. Babies are so expensive!

I didn't have a "career" as such and I managed to get a part-time job in a local pharmacy, and as it was 2 minutes walk from both my flat and DS's nursery/school, I could drop him there in the morning. We had a childminder for when I was at work during the afternoons, and for the holidays, we found her through the local baby group so she wasn't a stranger to us or DS.

I must admit, I loved being at home and being there for all of the milestones. I really miss our days out to the park, museums, swimming etc (he's now 16 and won't be seen with me in public haha!). But it was nice to get back to work, after 3 years of Teletubbies, Tweenies and Postman Pat, I was climbing the walls with frustration and boredom.

I do feel sorry for couples today, many of them just don't have the choice, the mums (and dads) simply have to work in order to live.
I met a woman recently who had to go into work for a meeting, 3 weeks after her C-section! :eek:

dawnylou

I saved any bonus earned for 5 years in order to be able to afford a full years maternity leave.
I went back in January for 20 hours a week. Our boy is looked after by our parents.

However I am having a meeting with my s/v this week with regards to increasing my hours as I quite simply am not earning enough.

It's hard. I feel guilty leaving him for 20 hours a week and at times when he is upset he goes to one of his Nana's rather than mme which hurts.
Also I struggle to keep on top of housework etc so this is going to be even harder with less time at home.
I really don't know how people manage. I have friends who have more than one child and their homes are spotless. I often feel like a failure both as a mother and a wife.

lulu_92

I am dreading having to answer this question one day. I would love to stay at home until kids went to school but we simply can't afford it, however I don't know how we will work out childcare to fit around our jobs.

MadDogWoman_2

I returned to work full time (condensed hours) when my DD was 9 months old, for financial reasons.

When she was a baby my mum (retired childminder) looked after alongside my DH who worked shifts at the time. When she was 2 she went to a childminding friend of mums once a week, to get her used to being cared for by someone other than family. At 3 she went to playschool for her 15 hours.

I now only work 12 hours a week which enables me to do the school runs, and spend time with her during the school holidays.

MrsSave

I returned to work part time (2 days ish a week) when ds was almost 9 months. I'm now increasing to around 4 days a week (I'm a supply teacher so not set hours). I'd prefer not to work as much, but for financial reasons I have to. I do think given the choice I would still do a day or two per week, to keep a little routine in my life! Ds has been in nursery part time since he was 8 months old and he loves it!

givememoney

I am a mother and grandmother and when I had my first baby in 1976 not many mums went back to work then you left your job to stay home.

It wasn't easy financially but somehow we managed. We drove old bangers and went camping for our holidays.

I feel that women today are expected to work as though bringing up children isn't enough of a job.

I am glad I didn't have to work and I sympathise with women who have to and would rather not.

My daughter works and enjoys it and her two have been in nursery since they were just babies but certainly don't seem any worse for it.

mi_jardin

I went back after the smp finished at nine months, however I only work 12 hours a week now rather than the 32 I did beforehand so I didn't see the point in putting it off.
I work for a supermarket and the hours are more flexible than most places. I work one whole day at the weekend and an evening. It means hubby can look after our son so we don't have any childcare costs. We don't have family close by, but I would rather not use that option anyway.
Financially it doesn't mean a huge wage, but it keeps my pension, savings and shares going which is worth while, plus of course my discount card.
Everyones situation is different, and I would say don't make up your mind until your little one is a few months old. You may be surprised how you feel. Some desperately want to go back to work, and some don't want to be parted from their baby for a single minute.

katiechoc_2

I'm a WAHM mum. I was self employed for two years before our son was born, if I'd been employed we wouldn't have been able to even contemplate having a child. He is now almost 2.5yrs, and until last week has been at home with me full time. He's just started two mornings a week at play school, and as much as I don't want to admit it, I am finding myself almost looking forward to those mornings. Being at home alone with a baby or toddler (working at home or not) is very hard work. Very rewarding of course, but very hard work.

You have to do whatever is right for you and your family, what works for one family will not work for all.

Faerie

I will be going back part time once my maternity leave is up. I am taking the full year off and although I don't particularly love my job I think it'll do me good to go back. To go from being quite good at what I do to learning the ropes of motherhood hit me really hard. I think I'll appreaciate my son more and hopefully be a bit more patient with him, plus it'll give me chance to interact with other adults and feel 'me' again. I think work to me is more than earning money, I just didn't realise that before! I can't go back full time due to childcare costs and I don't want to just yet. I feel guilty saying all that but being a mum is hardwork!

Gillybean

We wanted one of us to be able to stay at home, and it made financial sense for me to leave work. In order to see whether it was viable we went through our finances and cut back wherever we could. Then as soon as I went on maternity leave we stopped using my wages, to see if we could manage.

Fortunately we found we could manage without my income and by not touching my money at all we've now got a small safety net