Life advice needed

FBaby

I've been there making myself sick with anxiety thinking I wouldn't be able to do it and feeling even more drained at the prospect of failure. I got on with it in tears until I got into it and realised that it wasn't half add bad as I thought it would be. I found I had more energy than I had anticipated and gained even more as I for closet to finishing the task. That was 15 years ago and incredibly I still regularly dream that I suddenly realise that I had never gained the qualification and feel dreadful about it until I wake up and remember that I did accomplish the task!

tom9980

You need to finish, quitting is not an option now. I just finished my last year of uni recently part time knowing that no matter how well I did it was meaningless because my health will forever prevent me being employable.

Completing the last few assignments was hard work and the dissertation even more so because I procrastinate and really need looming deadlines to get my act together. You can't do that with a dissertation so I broke it down in to small manageable 300-500 word chunks to do 5 times per week to get myself through it. Nothing felt better than posting that dissertation in the assignment box two days early.

Might be a good idea to draw up a plan now and show us all then update us with your progress every few days so we can kick you up the backside when your behind.

CharllieSays

I completed a degree whilst working full time and towards the end I felt exactly the same way as you. I was completely exhausted and had no desire to do anything, let alone finish the last few assignments. The thought of having to work in the same field just made me depressed. However, several months after I graduated I had time to calm down again and I'm now very glad I stuck with it. I just needed a break. I would wait until you have the qualification and then reconsider the career. It may be that you are just burnt out and once you have some of your life back then it will change your perspective a bit. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

CIP

Thank you you lovely people your encouragement has made me smile after a long tough day at work! I'm afraid I haven't got anywhere with the work yet but I am planning on posting regular updates on this thread to try and keep me going (as suggested by tom9980)

I am amazed and inspired at what other people have achieved on here - it's amazing!

TopQuark - wow that sounds tough. I am in a similar position in that I am having to re-write 3 chapters of a 40,000 word thesis following my viva. However, I wrote most of it whilst working part time. I am just having to make the changes whilst working full time. Very tough but I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to do whilst working full time. Thanks for your tips and advice.

FBaby - yep that is how I feel most of the time at the moment. Sick with anxiety and I feel like a failure. I feel really down at the thought of trying to get it finished and I continually think about how I am not physically capable of doing the work. I need to try and move on from these thoughts and start to try to re-write the thesis.

Charlliesays - yep I feel completely burnt out. I wish I could stay in bed for a week!!

top_drawer_2

Hello CIP,

I can relate to what you are talking about and I only did a three year degree! I became unwell with anxiety and depression and simply couldn't face my dissertation which due to extensions had been dragged out over two full academic years. My department were a complete waste of space, ironic considering that I was studying for a Psychology degree. Due to finances I had to find part-time work for the second of the two years and it was the hardest thing in the world to come home to academic work as although I only worked reduced hours (9-1pm) by the time I'd accounted for travel / eating etc once I got home (not to mention how I was feeling), it was difficult to go upstairs and face it.

I found that there is NOTHING worse than having to go back to a half-haphazard job and get back into the material again. It all just seemed too BIG for me to manage. I found too that I spent an unbelievable amount of money to make myself feel better, which had no effect on my motivation ironically.

However, what helped me was a logically minded person breaking down the tasks needed to be done i.e rejig para 2,3 to account for new research / re-write introduction to be more to the point. We wrote these down on a table and I allocated days / hours to them. From there I tackled 2 or 3 a day and rewarded myself with something I could FEEL (I made a list of these with this logical minded person) as opposed to a material possession. My feel rewards were: an evening in the bath with a lush bath bomb / a hot choccie with marshmallows and ginger biscuit and smaller ones were a night off (but with no overhanging thing going on because it was a planned night off rather than a "stolen" one).

Since I've gone onto complete a CELTA qualification while working 40 - 50 hours a week /12 hour shifts. I haven't a clue how I managed it apart from seeing myself doing it and not even considering not doing is successfully IYSWIM.

I learned a great deal in both cases about doing "good enough" as I had been setting myself far too high a bar in the first case and aiming for perfection as I truly LOVED Psychology and believed that effort = success.

All the best

whitewing

We heard yesterday that my DH has been shortlisted for a job. Part of the reason was the course that I mentioned earlier in the thread. Even if he doesn't get it, just to know that he has made it to the final few has kept us smiling all day.

CIP

Wow topdrawer that sounds so tough - you did so well to get through it. I can really identify with what you said. I am feeling so exhausted and low. As you say, it all feels very overwhelming. I really like your idea of breaking it all down into a lot smaller chunks that are very specific. The feedback I have been given is all very vague and I need someone to sit down with me and work out what they are actually asking and where the change needs to go. I think I will see if one of my friends can do this with me.

I am feeling very anxious at the moment and am avoiding checking my email as my tutors were expecting a fair amount of work from me this week. I am terrified, which is ridiculous I know.

That's great that you have gone on to do another qualification too topdrawer. Really inspirational that you were able to do this whilst working those really long hours!

Great news about your DH whitewing and very well deserved. Fingers crossed for him.

whitewing

CIP, you were accepted onto the course and you are capable of doing it. Be careful that you are not simply procrastinating by getting friends involved. Set yourself a time limit for tonight and do, say 20 minss or 100 words. It's hardest to get started.

elsien

My pattern for a few months was: allocate day at weekend to spend on assignment.
Spend the first part of the morning doing "vital" displacement activities.
Turn on the computer. Fanny around with emails. Surf the web. Think sod it Ill do it tomorrow.
Repeat pattern the following day until lunchtime. Finally start looking at work. Read tutors comments about it not flowing properly. Realise I've looked at it so many times I can't tell what's good and what's not. Decide I don't care about flow. Start reading/surfing for inspiration. Get sidetracked by info that isn't useful for assignment but is far more interesting. Drag self back to assignment and relook at criteria. Decide I don't understand what they're looking for and throw it over in despair thinking I'll never get it right. Give up for the day, late afternoon having done nothing constructive at all.
Look round house. Realise its a tip. Get cross and upset because I've wasted a whole weekend and achieved nothing and feel crap. Spend the rest of the night beating self up for being a time wasting useless waste of space. Resolve to do better on next days off.
And repeat.

I don't have any hugely useful suggestions as the boot up the backside I needed came when I found out I was being made redundant, and if I didn't finish before then I'd have lost the lot.
But as others have suggested, getting another opinion and breaking it down into less overwhelming chunks is a good starting point. Is there any way at all you could talk to one of your tutors about making their feedback more specific? Sometimes just a bit more clarity is all you need to make the start, then it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming.