Life advice needed

whitewing

What comments were made on your first draft? Were you disappointed and muddling up the disappointment so that you can't process the comments dispassionately.

Someone I knew recently was so gutted at a review of his essay that he was just focussing on how rude he thought the comments were, when in fact a rewrite taking on board all the comments were what he needed to do. The reviewer must have spent a considerable amount of time on the comments 0 they were blunt but necessary to guide the author to the high standard.

Timeflies

I agree with egoode and theoretica - can you ask for a little time off to give you some breathing room and reduce your stress levels?

I completed a qualification last year that took me five years to complete. The final part was extremely hard work, while working full time.

It turned out my employer had a study leave policy, where you could apply for 5 days paid leave to complete a qualification that may be useful in the workplace. I also took ten days' annual leave, and just slogged it out. Because my job was 5 days on, 2 days off, I found it useful to add an extra day's leave or two to several weekends - you can get a lot done if you work flat out for three days. I pretty much cancelled my social life and outside interests and got through the tedium that is doing nothing but working at your job and your qualification.

I was honest with my colleagues about how I was getting on, which provided more support than just saying "fine, thanks." They'd ask how was the weekend's work, and I'd say I wanted to have completed a 3,000 word section, but I only got 1,800 words done because one part was really hard, required a lot of extra reading or whatever, and they did empathise. You might be surprised how many people from work take an interest in your progress; one chap in a completely different work area would stop me in the corridor and ask how it was going.

I really wanted to finish the qualification, I had already worked hard for 4 years, and didn't want to throw it away. I was on my last chance time extension too! I also found it helped motivate me to write list of all the things I'd rather be doing than studying (you can then tick these things off when you've finished and you have your spare time back :beer:)

My advice would be, make the career decision afterward, this is a qualification you've worked here for, and you're almost there. Chin up, and good luck with the final slog:T

CIP

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to post.

Whitewing - I am really not a morning person at all I struggle to get up for work as it is but I will give that a go. At least I would know that when I got home I wouldn't have to work for as long. I was disappointed with the outcome of the first hand in although I feel the comments were fair. I just don't have any desire for this work to be of the high standard that the university want it to be. Although I do as I want the qualification!

Egoode and theoretica - thanks you both make really good points. I think I really do need to separate the qualification and the job in my head. I just keep thinking how awful it would look on my CV if I quit something right near the end. I am also not qualified to do anything else! Yes I would still have good qualifications but everything has been working up to this. At least if I complete the qualification, I will be able to show that I am able to work to a certain level. I think I am unlikely to return to the career (full time anyway) but would hope that I could still find a fairly well paid job that I enjoy if I complete this qualification.

I am thinking about money a lot here but that's mainly because I want to clear my debts asap.

Well done on completing your qualification timeflies - that's amazing and some really helpful tips there that I will try.

I am really embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I have already taken 2 weeks or so off work plus 2 study days and didn't get anything done. Feel like a massive failure and that this is such a big opportunity missed. I may be able to take another few study days but I don't have any other holiday left to take plus can't afford to not work full time. What a mess I have got myself in. I seem to make things harder for myself.

oldestgnome

I too have been putting off an assignment that I need to complete to finish a qualification that work are paying for me to do so I understand the pressure of needing to complete something but struggling to find the time and motivation required. I too have had time to do it but chosen to read/surf the net instead of completing it. You have been given some excellent advice. Break it down into smaller sections and write a bit at a time. Whenever fits with your schedule but do not allow yourself to procrastinate and not complete it as you will be disappointed with yourself in the long run. Good luck!

Timeflies

Oh, I may have missed that bit out CIP- I certainly wasted some leave and got nothing done too! I got myself into a similar mess, felt stressed and like a failure. Maybe you've taken the long way round, but you can get there!:T

How about going to your boss and saying, my study is going really badly and it's making me feel stressed. I could really use another 5 days leave to get some of it done, and I'm happy to take it as unpaid. Or, could I possibly work longer hours across fewer days, like a 9 day fortnight or 4 day week for a few weeks, so I can set aside a chunk of time for studying. As your qualification is work - related, I hope they'd be supportive.

I'd definitely advocate adding odd days to a weekend to maximise the use of the days, rather than having a whole week off and spending half of it navel gazing. That way you can assign a smaller goal (e.g. rewrite one section) to each weekend.

Good luck!

CIP

Good luck to you too oldestgnome - it really is tough isn't it?! I'm sure you will get there too. You're right when you say I would be really disappointed if I didn't get it done and hence don't get the qualification.

Thanks timeflies that reassures me a lot to know I'm not the only one who has wasted lots of leave! The silly thing is, I spend all my time when I'm not working either feeling really guilty as I should be working or completely avoiding it which then leads to feeling even more guilty. I need to break the cycle!

I think I need to get another real chunk of time to make some real headway on it. I will ask my boss about 3-5 days further study leave, probably will be unpaid but maybe that will motivate me further?! The extra day to a weekend is a good idea too as it's so much easier to procrastinate when you know you have a week off.

I'm still feeling stuck with knowing how to actually understand what is required of me in re-writing the assignment. I know that that's something I need to work out myself though or try and get some support from the uni with.

whitewing

All the things that you are beating yourself up for are all things that we have experienced too. My DH took two essays on holiday with us once and I actually marched him to the library in the seaside town and told him we'd come back for him at closing time (late night too). He was in such a huff (more cross with himself and I was a bit cross because he got himself into thinking that he couldn't start it if he didn't have 8 clear hours on a day to do it, then come the weekend he would faff about until mid-afternoon having it hanging over him and resenting it taking up his free time. Can't say that I was impressed that deadlines for before our holiday were extended over the holiday). But when he heard that he had passed the course, we were both so pleased.

Why don't you do a spider diagram or plan as if you were starting from scratch and then take that to your tutor as a starting point.

CIP

Thanks whitewing - that made me laugh about your DH. That's dedication taking it away on holiday with you! Sounds like you really supported him well with it all.

Thanks - I think I will make my spider diagram/plan tomorrow night and then discuss with my partner. I feel unable to talk with my tutors at the moment as they have been very unsympathetic in the past. They are expecting to receive some completed work from me this week but I am no where near completing any of re-drafted chapters.

whitewing

Desperation not dedication! Wouldn't have minded but he'd already pulled an all-nighter. (We went on public transport so no safety risk, I hasten to add).

Why don't you show a few people at work too? They may give you some ideas (doublecheck anything they present as facts).

Go to your tutors with specific questions: so I need to add this bit? Is this what this comment means?

With stuff I was struggling with, I used to find sometimes that I needed to focus on the number of words. So an introduction was 300 words. I would even start again from scratch sometimes. You can always paste in from the original essay.

If you are more of a chatty person, make up some powerpoint slides, and then talk through the bullet points. Record yourself and then transcribe it. Anything to break yourself out of the rut.

TopQuark

Dear OP,

I can understand the difficulty of your situation. I wrote my PhD thesis (chemistry) in my spare time,whilst working full-time in a new position. It took me a year to finish the ~ 40,000 words, submit it and then wait for the viva date (3 months later). It was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm just finishing a part-time MBA now whilst working full-time and it has been tough at times, but never as difficult as writing up my research degree, which was such a personal piece of work.

My advice would be (i) you must finish it. If it causes irregularities on your CV then it will look bad and could potentially harm your future prospects. No-one likes a quitter, so keep this in mind. (ii) You need to draw a line under what has happened so far - the missed study opportunities etc. That is done, move on. Dwelling on 'coulda, shoulda woulda' will put you into reverse, so every time these thoughts crop up, make an effort to quash them and don't waste time one them. (iii) You need to accept that you are going to have to go through a bit of pain to get this finished. It is so very difficult to get the PC out at the end of a hard day and analyse data/write, but you must accept that this needs to be endured.

Remember that in life, we generally tend to regret more the things we didn't do, than the the things we did. If you don't finish this, you will regret it, maybe forever. You will carry that feeling of failure that you are currently experiencing, around with you all the time. Let that be your motivation! And whe you have completed it, you will come out the other side feeling great, even if you decide not to use the qualification directly in your career. No-one can take your education away from you, you will have it always.

Best of luck!
TQ