Life advice needed

CIP

Hi all,

I am a usual poster on these boards but am using a different username as I want to keep this post completely anonymous. I wasn't sure where to post this really but I feel like this is the best place.

I have been working towards a particular career (I would rather not say what exactly) for a very long time and am very close to fully achieving this goal. However, as time has gone on I have realised that actually I don't think this career is for me. I constantly feel burnt out emotionally and drained. I have also been feeling quite low at times. I realised that this job probably wasn't for me a while ago but due to the amount of debt I have and the time I have invested in this career, I felt like I couldn't give it up (when I probably should have!) All this has also had a negative impact on my relationships due to the stress I have been under.

As I said, I am now very close to being awarded this qualification but still have one last hurdle to get over. I have to re-write a huge piece of work in order to actually pass the course. I have been trying to re-write this for a while now and am now left with very limited time to do it. I haven't really completed any of the re-writing yet as I feel like my brain just can't cope. I don't know how to do it. I am trying to do this whilst working full time in the job that is making me feel stressed and unwell. People keep asking me how I am getting on with the work and I say fine as I feel too ashamed to admit that I haven't really started on it yet.

I'm not sure what I'm asking from the forum really. Just wanted to see what people thought about this situation and whether they had any ideas/tips to try and help me get through it? I feel like I have to get the qualification now as I am so close to the end, even though I may not want to do the job. I just don't know where to find the emotional resources and brain power to see this through to completion.

I realise that there are people on here managing a lot more difficult situations than I but I really would appreciate any advice/help. Thanks.

savingmummy

I think as your almost done the finest thing would be to complete it.
You may just be feeling highly stressed and exhausted with it!
Once its done you may well feel differently, if you don`t at least you have the qualification to fall back on.


I`m assuming your at college/uni, do you have anyone you can talk too? tutor? others doing the same?

CIP

Thanks for your reply savingmummy - yes I am at uni although I no longer really have contact with them. This is a qualification that I have been working towards for about 10 years (I had to undertake a degree prior to this also).

Unfortunately I don't really have anyone that I feel I can talk to about it. Friends and family repeatedly just say to me that I am nearly there now and when I try to explain that I am really struggling, they don't seem to understand. My tutors are very unsympathetic and I don't feel well supported by them at all. I am the only person left out of my year group who is yet to finish and other people were not given as much to re-write.

Maybe I am just being a bit 'oh woe is me' but I really feel unable to cope at the moment.

London50

Hi

I think I do understand your feelings,even if you were not to take the job after you pass you will have the choice to do so sometime in the future if you wanted to. As you say you have invested time and money and you sound to me like a person that wants to see things through to the end and for that I applaud you.
I do think though that as hard as it would be you need to put it aside for a while and try to push it from your mind. If you could find another "outlet" {a short break away, a few nights out with friends or family ect} then after come back to it refreshed it may be easier to then tackle the re write. I am sure it would not be easy but I think you are like a student cramming for the test and your brain is just overloaded.
I do not know if this is of any help, but I hope that you can get the result you seem to want deep down and that in time you are able {if YOU want it} to get the job position e it in a few months or years.

Good luck to you :0)

whitewing

Perhaps you are so worried about working in this field that you are subconsciously sabotaging your essay. I would get the qualification is it shows ability to learn at that level, and then have a bloody good rest before deciding what you want to do.

Set yourself 30 min chunks of time to work on your essay and force yourself to do something to it during that time.

skint_chick

Can you extend the rewrite for another semester? Or is this the final chance to rewrite and it has to be done - does it need to be amazing quality to get the mark you need or can you just rejig it a bit and it'll be ok? I'm struggling with a similar situation I have 8 weeks to finish my research and I just can't get any enthusiasm for it at all and find anything to do to put it off - it makes me so stressed thinking I have to write x number of words a day but I just don't know where to start despite endless plans of action.

I think sometimes we just have to make a start somewhere to get going - can you bribe yourself with some kind of reward for spending a few hours on it - or a couple of hours one night and take the next night off?

SavingPennies_2

Your tutors may be useless but the uni will have counsellors (or whatever term you uni uses) who will be able to help you, if you speak to the student services they can put you in touch with someone. They are there to give not just emotional but practical support too. You should be able to get an extension and Id then take a complete break from it for say a week (set a specific time frame), relax and recharge then go back to it and just get it done, don't procrastinate just start it and once started it will be easier. I think as hard as it may be, it will be harder to feel you have wasted ten years if you done do it. Even if you decide to not take the career path you will have the qualification so you may find something else you can do with the qualification, again this is something the uni counsellors can help with.

CIP

Thank you lovely people for all your replies.

I think what I am also finding hard is that I am actually working doing the job now but have to finish the course in order to get the qualification. Therefore, I am trying to finish a qualification that is really hard whilst working full time in a job that I don't know if I want to do but is what the qualification is for, if that makes sense?!

skintchick I really feel for you too, particularly with the action plan scenario!! I don't think I can extend the re-write unfortunately. It needs to be of pretty high quality I really need to try and bribe myself with something. I always seem to reward myself before I have actually done anything, which obviously isn't helpful. Case in point - I spent loads of money recently because I was feeling down about all this which obviously doesn't help.

I am really struggling to find the time to get the work done too. Again this is my own fault because I have wasted loads of time. I am just finding it so tough to be motivated after a long and stressful day at work. I know that lots of people work full time and study though.

Whitewing you are probably right. Part of me feels that I must be able to rewrite it because I managed to write it in the first place. I just can't seem to understand any of it anymore.

Thanks savingpennies - I will give them a ring and see what I can do. It's a shame that my tutors haven't been more helpful. I just feel that they aren't sympathetic at all. I am currently avoiding them

Thanks again to you all for your replies.

whitewing

I used to find it harder to push myself to work late at night. Try getting up earlier and doing 60-90 minutes before you go to work. That way evenings are still chill out.

egoode

I would approach your boss and see if you can get leave so you can just concentrate on completing the rewrite. If you can then set yourself a timetable on what you need to do to complete your qualification. It may also mean telling your partner, family and friends not to contact you while you do this unless it's you needing to take a break.

I think when you are so close it's not worth stopping now. However by completing it doesn't mean you need to stay in that career and most qualifications/careers have some sort of cross over if you want to move in another direction.

theoretica

I think you need to separate the qualification form the job. Finish the qualification because you have started, put a lot of time and effort into it and it is worthwhile to do. Also, maybe, the University lose funding if you don't. Do you need to work full time, could you ask for a little unpaid leave to do this?

Then think about what you want to do with the rest of your life - perhaps something which is related, but not the obvious use of the qualification or perhaps something completely different. You won't be by any means the first person to say have PhD in neuroscience and become a dressmaker or equivalent.