Problems with my almost 4 year old little girl

Bettyboop

2nd time retyping this!!!!

Hi All,

I have major difficulties with my little girl. I work 6 hours a days and during this time she is iether at preschool or in the care of a childminder. For many, many days now she has been an absolute monster! Most mornings she is mood, cheeky asks for breakfasts and then nearly always wastes it! I think about her everyday when I am at work and as soon as we have got home hell is let loose. She cries, throws tantrums and sometimes hits me for no reason whatsoever! The more days this goes on I can't wait to take her to bath and put her to bed. By that time I am ready to burst into tears. All the good seems to have gone and this otherwise behaviour has set it. It's making me stressed to the point that I will miscarry or even become ill and that's no exaggeration. She takes almost an hour to eat dinner. We eat together and I try to take my time. Tonight for example I went to answer the phone to find when I got back that she had rubbed half the yogurt into the table! She doesn't listen to me. I speak to her nicely and clearly and she is given lots of love and attention. I must say I am finding this very hard when she is being so ugly to me. How on earth can I child of this age drive a mother down so much? The childminder has said that she is always as good as gold in her care yet when I fetch her I greet her warmly and give her a cuddle and then all the crying, tantrums and you know the rest starts. I really do not know what to do. I have a week off to look after her at the end of the month and I'm already wondering what that is going to be like. I won't deny that I have given her smacks on her bum (no mark has ever been left), but I find that when she has worked me up so much, always refuses to do what I ask, doesn't listen the first couple of times what else can I do. I don't know if it would be worth talking to a Child Psychologist? has anyone had experience with one and how much does it cost? I know that the longer this goes on we will just grow further apart.

Thanks and hope you can help

arthur_dent_2

I really hate to tell you this, but I have a daughter who is 4 at the end of august and this all sounds perfectly normal. My dd has me pulling my hair out, frequently! Meal times are truly attrocious although crossed fingers appear to be improving. Bed times are hell and the constant whinging and crying is enough to send anyone round the bend.

However if you are expecting this is all going to feel about 20 times worse than it is. She will have to get used to a lot of new things when littlun is born and believe it or not she will improve.

Big hugs and sympathy, Denty.

whitewing

Is she getting enough sleep? When my son was that age at nursery and I was working and not spending the time i wanted with him during the day, it was really hard to put him to bed early. He's only ever naughty when he's tired. He's 10 now and on school nights is generally in bed at 7.30pm (up at 6.30/7am)

Bettyboop

Yes, she he is sometimes tired. She sometimes wakes up at 7am or at 05:30am...I do my best to get her back to sleep but she always refuses!

brummiebabe

This isn't going to help much..but at least you'll know you're not alone - I know of many children (my DS2 included!!) who seem to change around the age of 4!! My DS2 was always such a gentle, loving, kind little boy, who never had the terrible 2s etc - since he's hit 4 he's totally changed. Tantrums, hitting, kicking & moody (not all the time - but certainly much more than before!)

My niece is the same (she's nearly 5 now, but all started around her 4th birthday!)

If you're pregnant, this makes it all seem so much harder to deal with!! Maybe she's reacting to the forthcoming arrival? (All children do this in one way or another!!) The best thing I can say is to try (but it's SO hard!!) not to react to the naughty behaviour - this will just make it occur more. Obviously you can't & shouldn't ignore the hitting etc...for this I would put her in time out/naughty step for 4 minutes and then ask for an apology!! But the more minor things (which she's probably doing to get a reaction) -IGNORE!! If she doesn't eat her food, take it away without comment etc...

This makes it seem like I think I know all the answers, believe me nothing is further from the truth!! I have 3 children (7, 4 & 8 months) and each age brings new challenges, what works for one child doesn't work for another!!:rolleyes:

Remember to give lots of cuddles & reassurance. Notice all the good behaviour (if even she's just sat quietly for 5 minutes and eaten some food!!)

Best of luck - believe me, the phase will pass. Is she going to school in September? My DS's nursery teachers say that they've noticed that when children are ready for school - sometimes these kinds of changes in behaviour can occur!!

se999

Have you got blackout curtains in her bedroom. It makes it so that they wake up when fully rested, rather than when the light hits the room.

Moomum

OP you could be describing my nearly 4 year old son down to a T! I was even thinking of looking into a child pyschologist too but am so pleased that everyone seems to think its normal! Huge weight off my shoulders so thanks for starting the post!

lindseykim13

I find sleep is the key to their behaviour. My boys are good as gold when they've gone to bed at 7.30-8ish and are left in bed in the morning till they want to get up, this ensures that they are not tired. If they go to bed late and get up early they fight like anything! They are 5 & 2yrs. I also home educate them so with them 24/7 which i think helps with their behaviour. My eldest originally went to nursery at 3-4 but his behaviour just went down hill, since i have taken him out of school he is back to being the lovely boy he was before. Obviously home education isn't for everyone but see how she goes when you have her for the week. There could be something bothering her at nursery/childminder, the smallest of things can worry them.

Bettyboop

Thanks for the replies so far. I don't have blackout curtains....I have been looking for them though and to just let you know she is starting school in September.

arthur_dent_2

Can I just add my thanks also for this thread. Posted my comments earlier but I assure you, you could be describing my dd without any doubt whatso ever.

Kelinik

Afraid to say it sounds normal to me too. I have 2 primary school aged girls and I clearly remember them both turning into screaming strop monsters around the age of 4 lol! I agree about it being a sign they're ready for school as well, I work in a pre-school (kids aged 2 yrs 9 months up to 4 yrs) and its definitely the oldest ones that are behaving the worst this last term or so - they're ready to move on to bigger and better things now, love em.