Parents Neighbours

headachesrus

Do your parents want to just not have anything more to do with the lad, or, could the situation be turned around to maybe both of their advantages.


What if your dad were to say to him that "grandson isn't here til whenever, but if you could come around Saturday at 10 and help me in the garden" it might give the lad something constructive and positive to do, and help your dad with anything heavy etc that needs doing. The boy might just need some direction.

Lip_Stick

Hi all,

First of all thank you for the replies, they’re appreciated, and sorry for not replying sooner. I had to unexpectedly go out, and typing on the phone/tablet is a pain.

Ok, I’ll answer any questions/queries that have been asked.

My parents used to have a doorbell, but Mark pulled it off a while ago. It’s not easy to ignore him because he’ll bang at the kitchen window. If they go into, or are in the lounge, he’ll go to the patio windows at the other side of the house and start banging on them and shouting.

Re: social services. I’m sure they know the family as it was them that have apparently said that he shouldn’t be left unsupervised. I think it’s more in a helping capacity rather than known to them because of neglect. I believe this is info from the woman working at the school, who clearly hasn't been paying attention when it comes to the confidentiality part of her courses.

The throwing of the tampon, yes that did go back and forth but Dad hasn’t said anything about the rubbish he’s picked up being thrown back. I think it’s simply because Mark saw me do it that time. I don’t think it’s normally a game, it’s just bits of rubbish thrown in, like parts to broken things.

My Dad has been quite to the point with Mark as he’s getting on his nerves. He has told him to get out the garden and not to come back. Being too soft isn’t a strong point of my Dad’s lol, especially since he’s got older. I do think Mark could well be bored. If there’s anyone out on the street he’ll talk to them, continually asking questions and messing with their stuff.

Someone mentioned Mark is 14, he is in fact 11. It seems his mother is going out for drinks or whatever when she’s out overnight. We happened to see her one Sunday morning a few miles away, dressed up looking like she was doing a walk of shame lol. I think his sisters are 14, with another either 16 or 18. The eldest sister lives away now.

To the last poster. My Dad actually did that with the gardening, and had Mark and my son helping with the veg patch, and it was soon after that Mark pulled the plants out when they were away. Doubtful Dad will try that route again lol.

Stupidly, Dad put a latch lock on the gate. We did warn him it might not be a good idea. The problem with that now, is that visitors can’t get in if it's on, and Mark has a habit of putting the lock on, so if Dad goes out without his key, he’s got problems. A bolt for the gate would be a better idea. The latch was so he could lock the gate from outside if away for the day.

We’ll see how things are going after my parents come back, and I'lll pass on any suggestions, but a word with social services might be an idea, since it appears they’re on their files.

Sorry if I’ve missed any questions!

atrixblue.-MFR-.

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

No are you having a laugh about how social services work? They cant even get round and address really desperate at risk abuse cases never mind this.
I can bet my bottom dollar that they will do nothing or push it off on to another agency.

then redress this at your local council meeting because the social services in my area are on the ball.


Ive been reported to SS through malicious intent from disgruntled neighbors and ex friends, everytime they have turned up here, everytime the have had no concerns what so ever.


perhaps you think they are useless because you've also used them as a weapon toward someone in the past and didn't get the outcome you expected?


SS do not always report back to the reporter and tell of the outcome, and often you wont know they have been to the person concerned.


I do know of a boy on my estate he has autism ADHD, his sister also has autism, the mum was overwhelmed and in a state of depression with it, SS were called upon her as well by local people when the boy went destructive towards everything through frustration, SS has helped her no end, getting the support and structure in place for her and group support for her and helped with issues with schools.


so how ever low you think of your SS Authority and perhaps its a given they are poor in certain area's it doesn't go for all SS authorities in the country.


So yes I do think your having a laugh generalizing SS to be poor as a whole and discouraging OP to try and go down the SS rout due to your opinion.

eskimo26

We get this a lot from our niece who has autistic tendencies and is about 5 years behind her physical age.

Lots of repeated questions over over over over over. Generally about where the foster boys are if they are out. She just keeps asking and asking and asking.

Tenyearstogo

Lip_Stick wrote: »

He goes to a special school and someone Dad knows, who works there, told Dad that Mark is hard for the school to control. There seems to be debate about whether some of his behaviour is his upbringing or his special needs.

Apparently, because of Mark's disability he's not supposed to be left unsupervised, but I'm going on hearsay.

The advice I'm after is really what my parents can do to stop him coming around all the time.

Firstly, I would not be listening to the advice/opinion of a member of school staff who was so unprofessional as to discuss Mark with a member of the public in this way.

Are they the person who told you Mark shouldn't be left unsupervised?

Basic advice for your parents is to go to Marks parents and tell them that he is disturbing them and their quiet time. They need to stop him coming over uninvited.

Your parents shouldn't be trying to discuss this with a child with either behavioural issues or special needs. Discussion should be with his parents. If it persists then they need to contact the authorities every time it happens. Are they keeping a diary?

Lip_Stick

Tenyearstogo wrote: »

Firstly, I would not be listening to the advice/opinion of a member of school staff who was so unprofessional as to discuss Mark with a member of the public in this way.

Are they the person who told you Mark shouldn't be left unsupervised?

Basic advice for your parents is to go to Marks parents and tell them that he is disturbing them and their quiet time. They need to stop him coming over uninvited.

Your parents shouldn't be trying to discuss this with a child with either behavioural issues or special needs. Discussion should be with his parents. If it persists then they need to contact the authorities every time it happens. Are they keeping a diary?

Not sure what you mean about 'discussing' things with Mark. It's impossible to have any sort of discussion with him so that wouldn't happen.

I think I'll advise them to tell Mark's mam he's banned from the garden as my son isn't bothered about playing with him much anyway. I'll mention the diary again, as I suggested it just before they went on their hols.

Lip_Stick

eskimo26 wrote: »

We get this a lot from our niece who has autistic tendencies and is about 5 years behind her physical age.

Lots of repeated questions over over over over over. Generally about where the foster boys are if they are out. She just keeps asking and asking and asking.

Sounds like Mark! He asks where my son is, when he's going to be back, where he is, what is he doing, when's he going to be back. You could be there all day.

Desperado99

Taking it from a slightly difference perspective....


Maybe Age Concern might be able to offer some suggestions, Or their local PCSO (I know that might sound heavy handed, but they might have better suggestions about keeping the garden secure).