My mum has cancer! UPDATED

Mrs_Optimist

I am coming at it from your husbands perspective. My FIL has just been diagnosed with terminal lung & throat cancer. He has no symptoms apart from a sore throat! My husband is devastated and cannot deal with it - he is blocking me out and I am trying to keep it together for everyone, kids, DH, FIL, BIL. Please don't shut your DH out - he wants to help support you. And I agree with the posters who say that you have to just go with what the patient wants. My FIL is opting for chemo - prognosis is 6 months without treatment, 18 months (if he is lucky) with, he is devastated at having to lose his hair, give up his driving licence, but he wants a shot at prolonging his life, and we will support him with that, although I am dreading what is to come and not sure how I will keep it together for everyone. Sorry, I am waffling, I am just as numb as you, and will watch this thread with interest.


Hugs to you and your Mum.


Mrs O x

aggypanthus

Masonsmum, go on holiday, my timeline was just over 4 wks from diagnosis to op.

Survival rates are excellent. I look back on 7 months which I can now forget about.

aggypanthus

Mrs_Optimist wrote: »

I am coming at it from your husbands perspective. My FIL has just been diagnosed with terminal lung & throat cancer. He has no symptoms apart from a sore throat! My husband is devastated and cannot deal with it - he is blocking me out and I am trying to keep it together for everyone, kids, DH, FIL, BIL. Please don't shut your DH out - he wants to help support you. And I agree with the posters who say that you have to just go with what the patient wants. My FIL is opting for chemo - prognosis is 6 months without treatment, 18 months (if he is lucky) with, he is devastated at having to lose his hair, give up his driving licence, but he wants a shot at prolonging his life, and we will support him with that, although I am dreading what is to come and not sure how I will keep it together for everyone. Sorry, I am waffling, I am just as numb as you, and will watch this thread with interest.


Hugs to you and your Mum.



Mrs O x

Sorry for your bad news.you will all find they ways to adjust and cope. X

moomoomama27

My mum has breast cancer, I found registering on the breast cancer forums of cancer research really helped. There's a separate forums for families supporting a cancer diagnosis.

nuttywoman

I`m going into hospital in the morning for an op to remove my cancer that was diagnosed only 3 weeks ago after my routine mammogram - thank god I go for them because I`ve had no symptoms at all .
I`ve been told its less than 1 cm in size so I bless those mammogram machines for picking it up .
Today I`ve had a radio active injection in my breast then tomorrow morning when I go into hosp I have to have a wire and dye inserted before I go to theatre .
Its all very scary but everyone at the hospital have been great can`t fault any of the 3 hospitals I`ve been to these last few weeks .
Its been a total shock to me and my family and friends so I know how you and your mum are going through xx

brenda10

masonsmum wrote: »

As the title says my mum found out on Wednesday she has breast cancer, I am really struggling with it at the moment and cant really talk to anyone as I feel I have to put a brave face on for the sake of my mum and I dont want to talk to DH about it either, I dont know why as he is very understanding and patient but he says I am shutting him out?

She is 52 and was requested for a routine mamogramm 4 weeks ago, she received a recall letter last week and we sort of brushed it off that it was just a blurry image etc etc however on Wednesday they did a further mammogram of just 1 area of her left breast, an ultrasound and biopsies then they told her that she did have breast cancer and she would require surgery but they were not sure what yet?

I am totally devastated, I am very very close to my mum we see and speak to each other every day. I am trying to think positive that they have got the cancer early as she wasnt showing any symptoms and she is very well in herself.

She has to go back to the screening unit on Wednesday and then see the surgeons on Friday to discuss the next steps, its all the uncertainty at the moment and all the ifs and buts are continually going through my head. Mum also has a holiday booked to go to Spain in 2 weeks and for some reason she seems to think she can put surgery off and go her hols whereas I think I would rather get the operation over with asap.

I just hoped some of you lovely folks who had been through the same thing could advise and offer some advice on treatment, timescales and emotional issues as well, thanks in advance xx

Your story was my story, ditto, I went for breast lump removal, no surgery as it was too extensive, returned had mastectomy, 10 axillary nodes removed and I was so incredibly lucky to not require the chemotherapy which was lined up. I was 50 and I am still here.
My daughter didn't know about first surgery as she lived overseas but I did have to tell her when further surgery required, I actually rang her boyfriend and told him to go visit her and I would call her so I can empathise with you and your worry.
Just take it one step at a time and do seek the support of your partner, it will help you and in turn you will cope and that will make it easier for your Mum. Take care.
I am living proof that there is a good prognosis for early detection, I was called for a routine mammogram, they told me there was something noticed, I went for further scan and was sent home and they told me all was ok and 3 hours later after a discussion with medical staff I was told to come back, I was stunned! I had the wire put in etc and lump was ?small, turned out to be extensive and when I went for my planned lumpectomy I returned home not having a lumpectomy, it was too extensive BUT I am still here, so your Mum's story is so similar. Best Wishes to you and your Mum. xxx

Horace

Sorry to hear about your mum OP. Be there as much as you can, however, don't put off going on your hols. My mum told me about her youngest brother tonight as he had been diagnosed with bowel cancer over Easter, it has now spread to his lymph nodes and he is frightened as there is too much information to read as it is all too medical. I suggested to my mum (and I shall suggest it to you) to look at the Cancer Help website which was originally set up by a former boss of mine who is a leading cancer specialist and it is now run by Cancer Research UK. It answers questions in a simple not overly medical way and explains things relating to various cancers really well.

http://www.cancerresearch.org/cancer-help

Be there as much as you can, be lead by what your mum wants, be informed yourself so you are not frightened by what may happen and can be more of a support.

marisco_2

I cant add to all the wonderful advice given already. Just wanted to say I am very sorry to hear of all your worries and I hope that your mum will be okay. Take care.

boo2410

Hi masonsmum,

Just wanted to say as everyone else has that treatment for breast cancer these days is amazing and your Mum will get the best possible care. I was diagnosed in Feb 2010 with a couple of tumours, one of them quite large. Anyway, after talking to the consultant we decided I would have chemo first (6 sessions) to try and shrink them before surgery. It worked and I ended up having a lumpectomy and a couple of lymph nodes out which were thankfully clear. Finished of with about six weeks of radiotherapy and have been on tamoxifen ever since and hopefully all will be well.

I found the easiest way to deal with it all was to carry on as normally as possible for as much as I could including going to work. My son was 6 (I was 45) and I didn't want him to know I was ill (he didn't even question when my hair got very thin on the ground :rotfl::rotfl:). Even the chemo was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be, the worst bit was the time it took, being at the hospital for pretty much a whole day.

Your Mum might well just be happy for everyone to carry on as normal so go and enjoy your holiday and be there for her when you get back.

Sending my good wishes to you and your Mum.

Boo

scrappie_2

Hi masonsmum

Hope that you are OK. I was in this exact position in 2012.
It is frightening as anything, but it does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel - you just can't see it right now.

Please PM me if you feel like a chat, I'm more than happy to talk through my experience.

The one thing I would say is let your mum take whatever time she needs to process this information - provided the medical staff agree that it's safe to do so.

You might want her to have surgery 'NOW' but she might need a few weeks to come to terms with all that is going on. Don't rush her.

Take care, it does get better xx