My mum has cancer! UPDATED

Sooty1975

Hello, please don't worry. Same thing happened to my Mum 5 years ago (age 67), the lump was so small she did not find it herself it took a routine mammogram to detect it, only 2mm. It had not spread to the nodes so that was lucky. she had a small section of her breast removed and 8 sessions of radiotherapy and has been on tamoxithen for 5 years in january. Fingers crossed all has been ok up to now, so honestly the good thing is it was caught quickly and hopefully has not spread. xx

amberfinn53

I feel for you, my mum also has recently just had surgery for a stage 3 tumour, she starts chemo next week, she is 50.

She is my complete world, we are closest than close, she really is my best friend.

I just found so far, you just have to be really strong. Also np e honest, if your scared tell her, if your nervous tell her, deal with it TOGETHER.

If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me anytime.

I have recently moved to a new area and so don't really have anyone to talk about it with, my mum is a nurse so is very aware of all the details and is very factual about it all.

Good luck with everything!

Errata

Sorry your mum's news wasn't the best. Breast cancer is very common, very well understood and with an excellent survival rate. If you need some support to talk things through Macmillan has a free helpline for patients and relatives - info on their website.
A word of caution. Your mum must declare her diagnosis to her travel insurance company, they may refuse to cover her. Perhaps you could talk to them on your mum's behalf?

rpc

Maggies and Macmillan can be a great source of help/support for you as well as your mum.

My parents have both been frequency visitors to Maggies and it has helped my mum no end (it's my dad who has cancer).

Talk to your husband. He probably wants to support you, so let him. Don't try to go it alone. He probably needs help too - while you wouldn't believe it from what you read on here, spouses do form attachments to their inlaws a lot of the time.

Errata wrote: »

A word of caution. Your mum must declare her diagnosis to her travel insurance company, they may refuse to cover her. Perhaps you could talk to them on your mum's behalf?

Last time I looked at this, a declaration of cancer (and some other serious medical issues) would lead to one of three outcomes:

1 - they consider underwriting at an additional charge
2 - they void the policy and refund the premium
3 - they permit a cancellation claim even if the usual requirements don't apply

Failing to declare would invalidate the cover. Insurers probably differ.

aggypanthus

Just been through it myself, probably some Hospital too.
pm me later if you want to.
Its easy to think the worst but try not to freak out.

growler834

The holiday/insurance/operation problem happened to me. Tell your mum to contact her insurance & explain the situation to them (it will be void if she doesn't). If she had no symptoms & has not suffered anything in the last 2 years that could be connected to her diagnosis I can't see why they would have a problem with her insurance. They will just ask her to get her consultant to sign a form to say she is not going on holiday against their advice or for medical treatment. When she goes on Wednesday & Friday she must talk to the staff about her holiday plans - they will then tell her what time scale they are looking at to carry out surgery. It may be that they can't do it for 3 or 4 weeks & it's up to her then if she still wishes to continue with her holiday. If they say they can operate in the next 2 weeks & they think it vital that it's done sooner rather than later, your mum should then be able to cancel the holiday & get her money back.

In my case I went for a routine check up with my cancer consultant 4 days before a 3 week holiday. I had been in remission (malignant melanoma) for 8 years & was only seeing my consultant for her research purposes. She found a lump in my groin that turned out to be the cancer that had returned & spread 13 years after initially being diagnosed. There had been no symptoms or warning of it. I got the results the day before my holiday! I phoned my insurers who were happy to continue with my cover if I still wanted to go on holiday or they would refund me. My consultant couldn't operate on me for 3 weeks & advised that I take the holiday. I did - it wasn't the best holiday of my life but it was better than sitting for 3 weeks looking at 4 walls & worrying myself to death. I had the op 3 days after my return & I'm still here 5 years later to tell the tale.

As others have advised - contact Macmillan - they are brilliant to talk to whether you are a sufferer or a relative & they will help you understand how you & your mum feel about this shock diagnosis. I can see it from both viewpoints, as a patient & as a daughter (my mum died of ovarian cancer 4 weeks ago) so I understand how helpless you feel. As a patient you can make decisions that make you feel partly in control but as a relative you can't, so it's best to keep busy with practical issues until you feel you can talk to your mum & family (I got all the benefits etc sorted out for my parents - something they hadn't contemplated).
Good luck to your mum for a successful treatment & to you & your family to cope with this terrible disease.

masonsmum

Thanks so much to everyone that has taken the time to reply or PM'd me. It is such a tough time for everyone involved my family have had it hard over the years as we lost my brother in a house fire 8 years ago when he was only 19, Im an only one now and my dad is currently in the process of getting tested for early dementia too.

I need to try and let my mum deal with it in her own way I suppose, she says she cant be worrying about how me and my dad are coping and she needs us to be strong. DH and I are off to Tenerife next week with the kids too and once again the uncertainty of when her surgery will be etc is making me apprehensive about my own holiday too! xx

bluenoseam

I know it's going to sound like me being heartless, but do try to NOT think about it whatsoever, half the problem in this situation is overthinking things. It's a scary time, but there's no need to go making it worse for yourselves by worrying about things which you can't control - way to look at it is this, if it was SERIOUS they'd have operated by now. (So sayeth the man who was dragged in within 72hrs of presenting with something that didn't look right!)

I've been on both sides as both the family & the patient and it is a lot easier for me to say these things because of that, I know everyone reacts differently, but well, it's best to look at the positives. Thinking about the bad side of things is what causes problems & will cause sleepless nights, believe me you'll have more than enough of those anyway so don't go giving yourself them just now!

PlymouthMaid

Try not to worry but let your Mum talk. She will go through the whole gamut of emotion during the next few months. I wanted to post to say that treatment these days is very good indeed. My sister and my mum have both survived breast cancer (15 years for sister and 5 for Mum so far). There have been traumatic moments such as the mastectomy and it can change your life but cross those bridges when you come to them. I would get the surgery done asap but if time go on holiday. Good luck to your Mum.

Errata

masonsmum wrote: »

Thanks so much to everyone that has taken the time to reply or PM'd me. It is such a tough time for everyone involved my family have had it hard over the years as we lost my brother in a house fire 8 years ago when he was only 19, Im an only one now and my dad is currently in the process of getting tested for early dementia too.

I need to try and let my mum deal with it in her own way I suppose, she says she cant be worrying about how me and my dad are coping and she needs us to be strong. DH and I are off to Tenerife next week with the kids too and once again the uncertainty of when her surgery will be etc is making me apprehensive about my own holiday too! xx

Do as she asks and be strong - it's such a small thing to do for her. Think of her feelings, not your own.