My mum has cancer! UPDATED

masonsmum

As the title says my mum found out on Wednesday she has breast cancer, I am really struggling with it at the moment and cant really talk to anyone as I feel I have to put a brave face on for the sake of my mum and I dont want to talk to DH about it either, I dont know why as he is very understanding and patient but he says I am shutting him out?

She is 52 and was requested for a routine mamogramm 4 weeks ago, she received a recall letter last week and we sort of brushed it off that it was just a blurry image etc etc however on Wednesday they did a further mammogram of just 1 area of her left breast, an ultrasound and biopsies then they told her that she did have breast cancer and she would require surgery but they were not sure what yet?

I am totally devastated, I am very very close to my mum we see and speak to each other every day. I am trying to think positive that they have got the cancer early as she wasnt showing any symptoms and she is very well in herself.

She has to go back to the screening unit on Wednesday and then see the surgeons on Friday to discuss the next steps, its all the uncertainty at the moment and all the ifs and buts are continually going through my head. Mum also has a holiday booked to go to Spain in 2 weeks and for some reason she seems to think she can put surgery off and go her hols whereas I think I would rather get the operation over with asap.

I just hoped some of you lovely folks who had been through the same thing could advise and offer some advice on treatment, timescales and emotional issues as well, thanks in advance xx

silvercar

Of course it is a shock at the moment, and I am not surprised that you or your mum can't think clearly.

The point of the screening programme is to spot cancers early before they have spread. The chances are high that this one will have been spotted early. Not only does that reduce the chances of it having spread, but hopefully the treatment will be less invasive.

heartbreak_star

My mum has literally just finished 3 weeks of radiotherapy a week or so ago. She was diagnosed in March and had her full mastectomy surgery about 1-2 weeks after diagnosis.

They had to wait another couple of weeks for lymph node results, then she had radiotherapy in May as they found some rogue cells in the 4 lymph nodes the surgeon removed.

Throughout it all she's remained upbeat, the main issue she found was that the hormone tablets she had to take made her really sicky. She has literally sailed through her treatment otherwise! Her next appointment for checks and things is in about 4 weeks.

Silvercar's right. The whole purpose of the screenings is to find these things so they can be sorted. Mum's was found on a routine mammogram too.

Hopefully your mum's treatment will be just as smooth, OP!

HBS x

moneysniffer

I'm very sorry to hear, it must have been a shock. What are your reasons for not talking to your DH about it? I can see why he might feel a bit upset that you aren't turning to him for emotional support when you need it, that's what partners are for

I know sometimes it feels easier just to hold on to all these emotions, you don't want to burden other people with your problems, etc.etc. but he is your DH - he is there to listen to you and to support you, but he can't do that unless you talk to him. I know it's difficult - I'm also one of those people who keeps everything bottled up, so I know the feeling! But it will be easier to get through when the person who is helping you through it knows what you're feeling.

Polaria

I totally agree with Silvercar.

One of my close relatives was diagnosed with breast cancer in December, so I understand that the period between the discovery of the cancer and the determination of the treatment is very stressful but you can only wait for Friday's appointment.



Pol

KatieDee

My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in Christmas 2013. It came as a complete bolt from the blue as she had always been very healthy. She had to have surgery to remove the lump (which was grade 3, very aggressive) and further surgery to remove some lymph-nodes in her left arm after abnormal cells were found there. She was given the all clear just before Christmas of this year and is now in remission, back to work and soldiering on just like before!

What you're feeling is completely normal. What makes cancer so difficult is the fact that no two cases are the same and everything is so uncertain. It seems as though you're the last one to know everything and your mind starts working overtime with all the possibilities. The good news is that breast cancer, in the majority of cases, is one of the easiest cancers to treat and treatment has an amazingly good success rate.

I would advise you to visit the Macmillan website. I wouldn't advise reading too much into cancer it as a lot of it can be very worrying, but Macmillan have an amazing chat group that includes those dealing with cancer, carers, family members...everybody you can think of. When I first found out about my mum and I didn't know what to think or do, I visited there and received the most amazing support.

I found that initially, I just couldn't work out how I felt so I just focused on helping my mum. I made sure I was always available if she needed to talk, offered to help with the house work when she started treatment and tried to keep things as normal as possible.

There is so much to talk about but you'll find your way. I really only came to terms with it after my mum had beaten cancer, as I found it too difficult to think about when she was going through treatment. I remember the moment my parents told me like it was yesterday though.

I wish you all the best of luck.

ada-or-ardor

My mum had breast cancer too, and sadly it was very aggressive and she didn't survive. As posters above has said, no two cases are the same: the most important things I think you can do at this early stage are:

1. Stay positive, for yourself and for your dear mum.
2. Help your mum with the practical AND the emotional things. She'll be going through her own range of emotions. You should be able to find some local support groups for both the sufferer and their family, which I wish I had accepted my mum's invite when she was suffering.
3. Keep up with the good times. It's so lucky you have a close relationship, and it's important you remember to do all the things you've been doing over the decades to keep that. The diagnosis doesn't define her - she's still your lovely mum and don't let this dark cloud hang over everything.

I sincerely wish you all the best, and hope that your mum gets better very soon, masonsmum. Stay strong! xx

fufu_banterwaite

The thing is what can you do? You have to deal with these things as best you can, it is something thousands of people go through it every year. Be positive, but be realistic and be strong for your mum.

Let your mum go on her holiday and comeback and have the operation afterwards. Unless she has private health care she might be waiting anyway.

I am an only child, my mum had six miscarriages and a still born baby before I was born and as such we were very very close. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1995 when I was 16 and she was 52. She died in 2001. My dad was then diagnosed with cancer in 2008.

None of us here know what is going to happen, neither do you or your mum. Just make the most of the time you have with her and do your best to make it as filled with happiness and joy as possible.

Faith177

Hi Hun

Was in same position as you last May.

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer she had no symptoms just a lump which was originally thought to be a cyst.

The first few weeks are awful because you don't know what is going to happen or what to expect. My best piece of advice is stay positive especially your mum. My mum was upbeat the whole way through and she had a very good response to the chemo.

She is just coming to the end of treatment now she had chemo every 3 weeks from May to Aug then had surgery at the end of Sept she then went on to radiotherapy in Nov-Dec having that everyday. She is now on herceptin every 3 weeks and had two doses left now.

Her hair has grown back and she looks fantastic! In fact she looks better than before she got sick. She put on a lot if weight from the steroid injections but by doing weight watchers and going walking every Saturday had lost it all and then some.

If you need any advice or just want to talk please pm me

Good luck to your mum xx

Mojisola

masonsmum wrote: »

I dont want to talk to DH about it either, I dont know why as he is very understanding and patient but he says I am shutting him out?

Support each other - he'll be upset as well, both for your Mum and for you.

Even if all you can say is that you can't get your thoughts straight at the moment and can't talk about it but that you're really grateful that he's there for you, don't shut him out completely.

bluenoseam

Only thing I'm going to add from here is that right about now she needs someone who'll support her 100% in whatever she choses - even if sometimes it seems like a mistake. Thing to remember is that if she's told her clinicians & they're happy for her to go then they're reasonably confident in their prognosis. (Flip side is if she hasn't then she really needs to as it could be that her travel insurance would be invalid for travel which could prove costly!)

Go onto the MacMillan forums, they've got people on there who've been in your shoes, it's not all patients who post there, it's often people around them who sometimes need someone to talk to as well.