Bl@@dy families.

Person_one

You not telling him this piece of family history probably seems to him like a bit of a power trip. You have privileged information about his father that he can't get anywhere else and you refuse to share.

Put yourself in his shoes, if it were the other way around and he knew something about your mum that had shaped a substantial part of your family's past, would you want to know or would you be happy to accept his judgement that it was better you didn't?

mountainofdebt

well on the basis that my family would have kept the UN busy I can appreciate why the OP doesn't want to get involved.

Unless the story given to her by her mum matches that given by the Uncle would it be even wise to tell the cousin what she knows?

(I must admit I like Elsein's idea though !)

Mojisola

fin7 wrote: »

I know what happened first off from my mum, later from her brother, he took the decision not to tell his kids, I don't know why.

I would abide by his father's decision.

justme111

Well op , you probably.will not like to read it - my opinion from what you said that you were very wrong in giving the issue so much importance and placing yourself in.a position of a unique guardian of family secrects. By keeping it secret its precisely.you who makes a big deal out of what happened years ago between brothers who since made up and died. If you souch did not want to tell anybody about it you.should not have mentioned you know the topic of fall out , I believe its borderline rude telling people "I know but I.am not going to tell you".
Re your communication with the cousin - it sounds bizarre .
Your.story sounds as if protagonists were in.need of mental health help, not forum advice.

fin7

I just feel that there would be no benefit in dragging things up, if the text messages I've had off him are anything to go by I do feel that history is going to repeat itself, something that I had so wanted to aviod.

When he found out that our great grandmother had been born in a workhouse he was devastated, that is something his own father could have told him, at the same time the reaction I got from him was surprising to say the least. Maybe that's why his father chose not to tell him, I really don't know.

fin7

justme111 wrote: »

Well op , you probably.will not like to read it - my opinion from what you said that you were very wrong in giving the issue so much importance and placing yourself in.a position of a unique guardian of family secrects. By keeping it secret its precisely.you who makes a big deal out of what happened years ago between brothers who since made up and died. If you souch did not want to tell anybody about it you.should not have mentioned you know the topic of fall out , I believe its borderline rude telling people "I know but I.am not going to tell you".
Re your communication with the cousin - it sounds bizarre .
Your.story sounds as if protagonists were in.need of mental health help, not forum advice.

Actually Ive never said to him " I know but I'm not going to tell you" he knows that both myself and my brother know, how he knows that is anyone guess. I'm wondering if he plagued his father about it, his father chose not to tell his three.

And, if you'd taken the time to actually read the post, it was between a brother and a sister.

GobbledyGook

What do his siblings think?

I think if there's likely to be a big fall out anyway I'd tell him. Secrets can be haunting, especially if he's got something into his head that he thinks it is or for whatever reason thinks it's something to do with him.

It shaped a large part of his life you can't blame him for being curious and wanting to know why the first time they met their grandfather was when he was dying. It's his family history as much as yours.

paigesaunt

Sounds like it's already been dragged up Fin, have you discussed it with your brother, if so what are his thoughts, doesn't seem fair you're getting all the abuse.

Is it really a big deal, you say no good will come of telling him, but would any bad come from telling him either, he may be thinking all sorts, and driving himself mad
Horrible situation to be in

ab.da54

What does your cousin's wife think, fin7? Has she given you any knowledge why your cousin wants to know so badly?

Have you looked into the pros and the cons of telling him or keeping quiet?

I think, above all, the abusive messages should not continue. Your cousin does not have the right to be sending messages of that sort to you.

justme111

fin7 wrote: »

And, if you'd taken the time to actually read the post, it was between a brother and a sister.

That changes the situation completwly !