OH sister got engaged - we gave them a card and gift - too much???

Anatidaephobia

I've only ever given cards and a bottle of something as an engagement gift. However, when discussing it with my mum, she told me I should be giving people "proper presents" as that's what you're supposed to do. Thinking back to recent engagements among friends, I have no knowledge of anybody giving a gift that was bigger than a bottle of wine or whatever.

But I don't think it matters. If you WANT to give a gift then that's totally fine. The problem with gifts is that people often feel pressured to provide one and only do it because of social expectation. You've done it because you wanted to so that's lovely.

System

I think the idea of the gift buying stemmed from the old days when young women bought little bits for their bottom drawer.

We had a few hideous gifts when I got engaged to my first husband but was grateful of them nonetheless as it was the thought that counts. The chocolate brown bedspread comes out occasionally when he's decorating. Its 35 years old but as hideous now as it was then.

BitterAndTwisted

I've been known to buy people little gifts for absolutely no reason at all, other than I like them and thought of them when I saw it.

No-one needs a reason/excuse to give a gift if that's what they like to do.

Giving a gift on engagement is very sweet and thoughtful. I hope they appreciate you, OP!

aileth

I wouldn't worry at all. I'm not a card person and would probably give a bottle of wine or something.

Not having an engagement party isn't strange, each to their own. We never had one because I thought it was a pointless waste of money better spent on our wedding, but I can see the appeal especially if it's a long engagement.

arbrighton

We've had cards from his family, my colleagues (it's cards for pretty much a drop of a hat at work it seems) and one family friend. No gifts and we've not had a party

arbroath_lass

We got loads of gifts when we got engaged (but it was 26 years ago) - all very much "bottom drawer" stuff (dishes, bedding, etc - very much like smaller wedding presents). We didn't have a party.


I would give an engagement gift to family members and close friends. Maybe just a card to others.

Mrs_Soup

I got one engagement gift only- from my grandmother which was lovely but seemd a little old fashioned even 10 years ago. That siad it is surely never worng to give a gift and I'm sure your inlaws were pleased.

Bella73

As it's family I can't see a problem with card and gift. For friends it would depend. Some we get card and gift for, some a card and some nothing depending on how close we are to them.

meritaten

its family - you can buy them a card and gift if you want.
for an engagement if its announced formally and a party follows then I do get a small gift and a card.
if its informal - then its just a card. (unless they are family or I am particularly close to them).
tbh - a gift is never inappropriate! doesnt everyone like presents?

orangeslimes

meritaten wrote: »

its family - you can buy them a card and gift if you want.
for an engagement if its announced formally and a party follows then I do get a small gift and a card.
if its informal - then its just a card. (unless they are family or I am particularly close to them).
tbh - a gift is never inappropriate! doesnt everyone like presents?

I have a friend who expressly forbade people to buy her "random tat" or anything that she hasn't asked for...I think I told her she was boring and didn't get her a birthday present (or maybe I relented and gave her a voucher I can't remember)- but I suppose my friend's reasons made sense in that she said would just throw the stuff out, and she didn't want clutter, but that's a tangent.

However I agree with everyone above. You have given the gift now anyway so why worry about them. The worst possible outcome is that they don't really like the gift, but they will still think you are nice for giving something.