Tonight I've hit rock bottom...

Youngandfoolish

Hi

well....where do I start? I've finally hit rock bottom. I've just had to pick myself up from the floor (quite literally) and thought i'd try and put my life back together and get some advice from those older and wiser on these boards.

To cut a long story short....I'm a gambling addict and have been for years on and off. It started when I was 18 and i'm now 27. I've struggled with debt because of it and I owe around £12k altogether.

Basically, i would coast along winning and losing but always managing to make payments to my credit cards....that was until a few weeks ago. I took out a payday loan and then took out another to help repay that one.

Tonight, i managed to blow every penny I have and use all the credit available to me, because of gambling online. I have no idea how i'm going to pay these creditors and the thought of them contacting me in the next week or so makes me physically sick.

There is no use in posting a SOA as I have nowhere i could save (only people i owe are mobile company and the credit card and loan companies) I live at home, dont pay for food, dont go out, etc.

Im not even sure why I've posted all of this now, but have to admit, in a weird way, I do feel a sense of relief.

I hope this is the start of something new for me and I hope I can sort myself out. Thanks for listening.

UsernameAlreadyExists

First step is realisation.
The fact you you've recognised the problem, the cause, and have posted is the start.


Bank of Mum & Dad strikes me as the immediate short-term get out, but it should come at a cost to you. Do they even know?

Youngandfoolish

UsernameAlreadyExists wrote: »

First step is realisation.
The fact you you've recognised the problem, the cause, and have posted is the start.


Bank of Mum & Dad strikes me as the immediate short-term get out, but it should come at a cost to you. Do they even know?

Thanks for the response.

Unfortunately my parents aren't an option. They have been under a lot of stress themselves lately (almost divorcing) and I fear adding to it will only make things worse for them. I do however, have other family members who I will try.

It's just very hard knowing I kept this secret for years thinking I could get myself out of debt, and in the end its come to this.

UsernameAlreadyExists

Define "this". You've hit the bottom, and you've realised it. That's a good thing. Some people don't.


A £12K debt is not a nice thing to have hanging around your neck, but at the same time it could be worse. A lot worse. You could end up getting a loan to pay a loan, to pay a loan ad infinitum and it could spiral horrifically out of control to bankruptcy. Nip this at the bud. Now.


You need to clear those payday loans, on time, and not suffer any of the ridiculous penalties associated with late or missed payments. You need to 'fess up to someone who can bail you out before 4000% (or whatever stupid figure it is) become a serious problem. And you need to pay them back.


If there's someone that can help in your family, then eat a large slice of humble pie, go cap in hand, and approach them, sooner rather than later. Anyone with any fiscal sense shouldn't allow you to drop any lower .... but, as I said before, it should be at a price to you. Bailouts are not, and should not be free. You need to make some serious sacrifices. You need to go cold turkey on the gambling, because you've know it's not the solution. Jackpots happen in films, not real life. You need to be cut off the internet so you simply can't lose any more.


I assume you have an income to make a repayment plan?

gocurlygirl

could not just read and leave,want to wish you luck and say turn to your family,even though they are stressed I am sure they would want to support you.

techno_saver

Hi.
If you haven't found it already, the GamCare forum is a very good source of advice and support.

Monkeyballs

Hi Y&F,

I'm an ex-addict (which is a daft thing to say, see below for why) and number one - you're an idiot.

You're not an idiot for having a problem and realising the problem and that you have to do something about is great you're an idiot for not accepting the fact that you have a problem and stating that you want it to stop and that you want to take back control!

LOL, ok so I'm not entirely serious but if you see it as a challenge as opposed to a problem then you're going to own it and do the right thing no matter what!

So, first thing's first - do self exclusion on all gambling sites you have accounts with and look into ways to block all gambling sites from on your computer... I never had a problem with online gambling (just FOBT's) but someone will come along with a suggestion probably or check out other forums or maybe even ask one of the addiction charities (I.e. GamCare - see point 3).

Second, go into all betting shops and places you gamble and ask to be self excluded (take the longest possible term and tell them it's for all branches) - some places will need you to provide 2x passport size photos so have some of those handy if you can, some places may offer to take a photo for you if you have access to a printer then do them at home... If not then you may need to look into selling something to get a tenner to buy two sets of four passport photos... Don't be embarrassed when you go in, the guy behind the desk will likely be really supportive

Third, call and speak to GamCare who will chat with you to understand ways in which they can offer support and also look into offering free counselling (one to one, face to face is best IMO). TALK and OPEN UP to them, they're excellent. Is there a GA meeting running nearby you could go to? They're very friendly and nothing to be scared or ashamed of

CHALLENGE YOURSELF - this can all be done in a single day if you put your mind to it!

Next, I doubt you'll be in the right frame of mind to speak to your creditors straight off the bat so call one of the debt charities... I recommend Step Change (their site is stepchange.org) to discuss your best option.

You've not mentioned what your income is but I'm guessing it's low... This will influence what is suggested to you but for £12k with I'm guessing no real assets I'm thinking DMP or DRO (I'd personally go DMP route, SC or whoever will explain more)...

A DMP will address all the creditors which you have and also allow you a realistic budget to get a life back!!! Your credit file will be trashed (which I'm guessing is already the case anyway) but for a gambler, not having easy access to credit is a good thing

It's free, it's easy, it's being done by thousands of people every month who are in worse positions than you!

CHALLENGE - You can turn your life around and get started on all of the above in two days (one if you really push yourself ).

Now why did I say that claiming to be an "ex-addict" is a daft thing to say? Because the addiction is still there, I've just learned my triggers and can control my actions and that's probably true for 99% or "ex-addicts"

Do it!

Edit: If you're anything like me then you'll be too busy beating yourself up to want to spend money on yourself which means that sticking to a DMP and a budget is a doddle LOL I never want to spend anything on myself and while I'm not minted, my DMP is ticking along and I eat well

MB

Willowpop

Hey youngandfoolish(and now getting wiser)
Monkeyballs is right…1st step now is to get excluded from the sites you have a accounts with online. I'm sure you can also get controls put on the computer to stop you making any more new accounts…if the controls are password protected then can you ask your parents to put a password in or a friend and ask them not to tell you what the password is so you can't take the controls off when you're tempted.

I would also write down all that you're feeling right now. Put it all onto a bit of paper and put it in a drawer. Then, if you're tempted to gamble again, read what you've written on that bit of paper and hopefully remembering the feelings you have now will make you realise that gambling more money isn't going to help.

Don't try to go it alone, I think Monkeyballs mentioned a charity aimed specifically at gambling. That would seem like a good place to start, and perhaps stepchange as well to sort out how you can pay your debts back and not leave yourself totally stuck.
You can get out of this, but it will take a bit of discipline on your part.
There are lots of folk here who have been in the same, or very similar positions as you're in right now and there is a lot of support here, so make sure you use it.

Muhren

Hi Youngandfoolish,

First of all well done for coming on here and admitting you have a problem as I know how hard that must have been for you.

Secondly some great advice from monkeyballs, I too am a recovering gambling addict as you can see my debts are quite substantial and all from gambling so would like to add to what has already been said.

The first I would do would is get some software to block all gambling sites on your computer (without this I don't think I would have been able to stop) I use K9 which is free, you will have to get someone else to put in a password so that you cannot access it.

I would then get rid of your phone if you have access to the internet from it (you could also get some money from selling it) and go for a basic phone without any access to the net.

Try and get yourself along to your nearest GA meeting as people there will be able to give you some great advice, it might not be for you but definately give it a go. I didn't like it to start with but stuck with it.

I know you must be feeling absolutely sh*t right now but you can turn things around. It might not make you feel any better right now but I have heard some terrible stories at GA but people have still managed to come out the ther side smiling. It will take time but as each day goes on you will start to feel a little better about things.

All the best and let us know how you get on.

Monkeyballs

Willowpop wrote: »

if the controls are password protected then can you ask your parents to put a password in or a friend and ask them not to tell you what the password is so you can't take the controls off when you're tempted

Great idea but if you don't want to ask anyone else then you can write the first eight random letters, numbers and "special" characters that come to mind on a piece of paper, use that and then throw it away. Don't feel pressured to tell anyone you'd rather not until you are ready... Another reason why calling the charities and posting here are helpful

Willowpop wrote: »

I would also write down all that you're feeling right now. Put it all onto a bit of paper and put it in a drawer. Then, if you're tempted to gamble again, read what you've written on that bit of paper and hopefully remembering the feelings you have now will make you realise that gambling more money isn't going to help)

Another great idea, but go one step further and have it in your wallet?

Muhren wrote: »

Get rid of your phone if you have access to the internet from it (you could also get some money from selling it) and go for a basic phone without any access to the net

Never thought of that! Sell it AFTER excluding yourself though to remove temptation... I never had to worry about gambling on my phone as it's a brick

MB

its_maths_not_magic

Welcome to the forum. Well you've made that first, all important step of recognising you have a problem - so that's great, because now you know you can do something about it.

I just wanted to let you know that there is a great resource for addicts of all kinds called SMART recovery. It uses modern behavioural techniques and is science based. They have a great website full of help, so that may be of help to you.