Name change after separation?

peachyprice

MsNameChange wrote: »

I am not thinking of changing her name, as that is who she is, and rightly so, but is it going to be difficult when she starts school in September having a different name, will it confuse her (she is 4) etc - struggling to know what to do and would appreciate anyone who has gone through the same thought process to give me some guidance.

Thank you!!

I can't think why your daughter will be confused.

The school, if talking to her will address you mum/mummy i.e, 'Can you please ask Mummy to see me after school'. If they are writing to you they address letters to Parent/Guardian of Child's Name.

The only thing that may happen is that the school will call you Mrs Married Name when speaking to you if they're not aware that you are now Ms/Miss/Mrs Maiden Name, but you get used to answering to both names, it's sometimes easier to go with it rather than keep reminding them of your name.

She will get used to seeing post at home with your maiden name and will know that that is you.

I did at one time use my maiden name, my two eldest had my first husbands surname and my youngest had her dad's surname, to this day post still comes for me in three different surnames, none of the children have ever found this confusing or upsetting.

I've never had any problems travelling with children with different surnames either, but I do understand a few have been questioned, usually coming back into the UK. This is the exception rather than the norm though. I think the closest we ever got was when one immigration officer asked my sons where their father was (they were travelling with me and my husband) to which they replied 'at work probably'.

peachyprice

Pyxis wrote: »

True, but since then, we've had 9/11, and due to the extra security arising from that, plus the new money-laundering regulations, it would appear that you can now get very little official stuff changed without legal proof of name change.

Tip: if you go down the Deed poll route, make sure you ask the solicitor for several 'certified copies', which means you can send off several name-change details at once, as they can take a while to come back to you. In a lot of cases, your own photocopies won't be accepted.

Just another thought, if you're reverting to your maiden name, and it's your birth name, it's probably possible to just use your birth certificate, with your marriage certificate or decree absolute!

You don't need a deed poll or anything else official to revert back to your maiden name. You don't lose it when you marry, it's your name for life.

All you need to do it tell people you are using the name on your birth certificate, you can do this whether or not you divorce so a decree absolute isn't needed to do so.

Snakey

Why not change her name? It's only a name. When you got married, you didn't see taking your husband's name as no longer being "who you are". I don't know much about kids but four doesn't sound that old, and before she starts school i.e. before anyone knows her, has to be the best time to do it (she won't then be in a position of needing to explain it to anybody).

And then you remove all sorts of confusion (well, you don't, you just shift it to your ex-husband who will have all the problems that you would have had - but if you are the custodial parent then it makes sense for you to have the easier ride of it as it will be an issue for you more often).

peachyprice

Snakey wrote: »

Why not change her name? It's only a name. When you got married, you didn't see taking your husband's name as no longer being "who you are". I don't know much about kids but four doesn't sound that old, and before she starts school i.e. before anyone knows her, has to be the best time to do it (she won't then be in a position of needing to explain it to anybody).

And then you remove all sorts of confusion (well, you don't, you just shift it to your ex-husband who will have all the problems that you would have had - but if you are the custodial parent then it makes sense for you to have the easier ride of it as it will be an issue for you more often).

That's wrong, on so many levels.

tea_lover

Why on earth should the child have her name changed?? Fortunately it seems as if the OP isn't even considering this.

As others have said, you don't need a deel poll to do this, just let people/organisations know what you're changing to.

Lovelyjoolz

tea_lover wrote: »

Why on earth should the child have her name changed?? Fortunately it seems as if the OP isn't even considering this.

Why shouldn't the child's name be changed?? She's only four. It's not going to make one jot of difference to her.

It makes far more sense for the child to have the same name as the parent they live with than to have the name of the non resident parent.

Mojisola

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

Why shouldn't the child's name be changed?? She's only four. It's not going to make one jot of difference to her.

It makes far more sense for the child to have the same name as the parent they live with than to have the name of the non resident parent.

Her father would have to agree to the name change.

peachyprice

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

Why shouldn't the child's name be changed?? She's only four. It's not going to make one jot of difference to her.

It makes far more sense for the child to have the same name as the parent they live with than to have the name of the non resident parent.

And if the mother remarries do you think it's OK to change it again? How many different surnames do you think it's OK for a child to have?

What difference does it make which parents name she has, as long as she knows who she is? What's the big deal in having to have the same name as a resident parent? A different surname makes absolutely no difference, to anything. We're not living in the 1950's, there's no stigma, so no need to mess with a child's identity.

It's a sad state of affairs when children don't know their background because of selfish name changes by a parent.

Lovelyjoolz

peachyprice wrote: »

And if the mother remarries do you think it's OK to change it again? How many different surnames do you think it's OK for a child to have?

What difference does it make which parents name she has, as long as she knows who she is? What's the big deal in having to have the same name as a resident parent? A different surname makes absolutely no difference, to anything. We're not living in the 1950's, there's no stigma, so no need to mess with a child's identity.

It's a sad state of affairs when children don't know their background because of selfish name changes by a parent.

Where did I mention stigma of any kind?? This is nothing to do with social stigma. It's about the practicalities of life. I took it on faith that post #10 is true, and if it is so then it seems perfectly logical for the child's name to be the same of that of it's mother. I can't imagine anything more distressing for either parent or child than to be accused at customs of child trafficking. Why would anyone risk that?

In an ideal world, we would all stop fannying around with names changes all together. It seems to be an almost entirely British hang up. Very few other countries find it necessary and I've always thought it ridiculous. I would never change my name under any circumstances and my children would have my name, no one elses. Sooooo much simpler!

Mojisola

Lovelyjoolz wrote: »

I can't imagine anything more distressing for either parent or child than to be accused at customs of child trafficking. Why would anyone risk that?

I would never change my name under any circumstances and my children would have my name, no one elses. Sooooo much simpler!

So it would be alright for the children's father to be accused of child trafficking because his children had a different surname to his?