Name change after separation?

MsNameChange

Hi there, looking for some guidance on changing my name after separation.

I have been separated now for 11 months with no chance of reconciling the marriage. I took husbands surname after getting married 7 years ago. We have a daughter who has the family name. Recently, when using the married surname for work or in general, I am feeling that the name doesn't belong to me and feel strange using it. Maybe it's part of the acceptance that the marriage is over but I always though that I wouldn't want a different surname to my DD.

I am not thinking of changing her name, as that is who she is, and rightly so, but is it going to be difficult when she starts school in September having a different name, will it confuse her (she is 4) etc - struggling to know what to do and would appreciate anyone who has gone through the same thought process to give me some guidance.

Thank you!!

Pyxis

I did this, many years ago, for the same reasons.

There were moments when it was problematical, having a different surname from the children, but this was more of a slight nuisance than anything.

People who know you through the children, like schools, play groups, etc. will automatically call you by their surname.

I found that the best thing to do, when people called me 'Mrs. Children'sSurname', was to immediately point out that I had a different surname, and remind them again, if they slipped up. If you don't, you end up being called by your old name, constantly!

It was something I really wanted to do, so I put up with the nuisance factor. If I hadn't felt so strongly, it may not have been worth the nuisance.

The children didn't care, because it was done when they were quite young, so they grew up with me having a different name. From that point of view, I think it's better to do it sooner rather than later.

I hope that helps.

wik

when Mr <insert kids surname> and I seperated I instantly reverted back to being MsWik.. I was living in Scotland at the time and its very easy there - no deed poll stuff! you just write a letter to bank, national insurance folks, doctors, schools etc stating that of so and so date you shall be known as...

I only ever got one letter from school calling me Mrs <kids surname> and after a very pointed letter back to them it was never repeated!
My kids never even worried that I now have a different name.. I am just mum

wik

ohhh missed saying my youngest DD was 4 at the time, and it has never phased her at all...

maman

wik wrote: »

when Mr <insert kids surname> and I seperated I instantly reverted back to being MsWik.. I was living in Scotland at the time and its very easy there - no deed poll stuff! you just write a letter to bank, national insurance folks, doctors, schools etc stating that of so and so date you shall be known as...

I only ever got one letter from school calling me Mrs <kids surname> and after a very pointed letter back to them it was never repeated!
My kids never even worried that I now have a different name.. I am just mum

AFAIK it's the same in England. You can call yourself what you like provided you aren't trying to defraud anyone.


Schools are very used to parents having different names to children and many will address letters home to the Parent/Carer of Child xxx as it's such a minefield.


I chose to keep my old surname, partly for my DD who was youngish (9) at the time and partly as it was my 'professional' name that I was known by in work circles. I've never changed it although I've since remarried.


It could be your daughter is so young she doesn't know what your name is other than Mum!

TrickyWicky

MsNameChange wrote: »

I am not thinking of changing her name, as that is who she is, and rightly so

Only thing I will point out is something that my cousin (in your situation) said a while back: Travelling through ports can be difficult as they often don't believe that she's the childs mother with a different surname to the child.

pandora205

It's very common for children to have different surnames from their parents, so school won't bat an eyelid and neither will anyone else. It's quite common for women to retain their surnames after marriage too, and in several cultures this is routine.

I've not heard of anyone who has had problems travelling through customs. I went abroad many time with mine after my name change and didn't have any problems.

Pyxis

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Only thing I will point out is something that my cousin (in your situation) said a while back: Travelling through ports can be difficult as they often don't believe that she's the childs mother with a different surname to the child.

You could always take a copy of your deed poll. Talking of which, you'd need one if you want to change your bank details, passport, etc.

Pricivius

Pyxis wrote: »

You could always take a copy of your deed poll. Talking of which, you'd need one if you want to change your bank details, passport, etc.

As Maman points out, you do not need to use deed poll to change your name. Just tell all the relevant authorities, banks, etc and start using your new name. I did this almost 30 years ago without a problem since. Passport is in my 'new' name and bank accounts etc...

Tenyearstogo

My son was four when I reverted back to my maiden name. I just told him that it was my married name previously, but when I split up from his dad I went back to my maiden name. He didn't care at all and was never confused.

He's almost sixteen and we've never had an issue at airports. We travel with my new husband and our younger son. I have kept my maiden name and youngest son has my husband surname so that's three surnames in our family. Never any problems.

Pyxis

Pricivius wrote: »

As Maman points out, you do not need to use deed poll to change your name. Just tell all the relevant authorities, banks, etc and start using your new name. I did this almost 30 years ago without a problem since. Passport is in my 'new' name and bank accounts etc...

True, but since then, we've had 9/11, and due to the extra security arising from that, plus the new money-laundering regulations, it would appear that you can now get very little official stuff changed without legal proof of name change.

Tip: if you go down the Deed poll route, make sure you ask the solicitor for several 'certified copies', which means you can send off several name-change details at once, as they can take a while to come back to you. In a lot of cases, your own photocopies won't be accepted.

Just another thought, if you're reverting to your maiden name, and it's your birth name, it's probably possible to just use your birth certificate, with your marriage certificate or decree absolute!