How to instill a work ethic into a 10 year old boy?

Counting_Pennies_2

I wonder if you can all help.


My DS aged 10 is due to sit important entrance exams for a school he really wants to go to in a few months time.


He is really keen on the school, really wants to attend and we have been paying for him to see a tutor to give him an idea of what it is to sit a paper and what will be required of him.


The problem is he really does not want to do the homework.


I feel dreadfully cruel forcing him. The tutor said he needs to learn to work hard and play hard. He really wants to go to the school, but he doesn't want to put in any effort ahead of it.


The tutor element on its own is not necessarily a big issue. If he is not capable of passing the entrance exam then he wont get in. The bit that worries me is in a year he will be having the same amount of homework in whatever school he goes to, and he just doesn't want to do it.


When I say you need to work hard now to get good results to get a good job etc, he just shrugs.


Any tips on how to instill a work ethic into him. I would just like him to take pride in his work and want to try hard


I am aware I am about to get slated for tutoring him, and being a pushy mother. I come from a background where I had no opportunities offered to me and I ended up with a poor education, ending up in dead end jobs. My husband was given every opportunity available to him, worked hard and has done well for himself. I just want to offer the best to my son.

bylromarha

My soon to be 10 year old struggles with homework too. We have arguements/tantrums/stress outs every weekend over a 10 minute piece of writing, and have done for the past 2 years. All the positive reinforcement, bribery, timers, consequences in the world have been tried and none work.

So no help to offer, except an understanding that getting a 10 year old to do homework can be hell.

Horace

Things are different now with all the access to technology.

Thinking back to that age I was allowed to watch tv for half an hour after I came home from school and then I had to get the books out to do my homework, cleared the table and relaying it for dinner, clearing it at the end of dinner before knuckling down to the books. The way my parents looked at it was I either did my homework and was then allowed to watch some tv or I didn't watch tv at all if I didn't do the work.

If your son wants to go to that particular school then it must be made clear that he does the work as the homework he will get is twice the amount he gets now.

FBaby

I think the easiest for those whom homework is a terrible chore is to get them used to a routine. Agree on what is likely to suits him better and then tell him that there is no way around it. If he tries to argue that he is tired, hungry, feeling unwell or whatever else, don't rise to it, just say that he still got to do it. Never agree to 'I'll do it later I promise'. Then always make sure he gets a reward afterwards.

Once he gets used to the routine, it won't be so stressful and once he realises that it really pays off, it will be easier for hin to take initiatives to organise himself.

Ultimately though, he needs to understand that homework is not a choice but something that needs to be done and you certainly shouldn't feel guilty for making him do it.

marisco_2

Counting_Pennies wrote: »

I just want to offer the best to my son.

That is exactly what you have done. You have provided your son with every opportunity to help him do well and to succeed. It is up to him now to make the most of his abilities and potential, and to try and achieve for himself. As much as you may want to step in and guide him, you cant do that for him.

He is old enough now at 10, to fathom out that he needs to make choices. Either he can put in lots of effort and apply himself, with the end result being that he could achieve his goal. Or he doesn't bother to and will have to deal with the fact, that he may miss out on being admitted to a school he really wishes to attend.

Give him reassurances that you just want him to try his very best and expect nothing more. Then step back and see what he does. This is all part and parcel of the learning curve for children as they grow up. I hope no-one on this thread does slate you. To me you come across as a very caring mum who just wants the very best for her son. That is to be applauded.

meritaten

I agree with marisco - you have done your best and given all the help a parent can. Now its up to him. but, if he doesn't get into this school please don't despair. some kids just don't get into schoolwork until the final couple of years. then they will work like demons.

Spendless

bylromarha wrote: »

My soon to be 10 year old struggles with homework too. We have arguements/tantrums/stress outs every weekend over a 10 minute piece of writing, and have done for the past 2 years. All the positive reinforcement, bribery, timers, consequences in the world have been tried and none work.

So no help to offer, except an understanding that getting a 10 year old to do homework can be hell.

Huh same as ^^^^^ only my son is 14 (rolls eyes!). However I will say when son came home at the beginning of yr 9 with an application for a Uni outreach programme that his school participated in, he filled in the form with just a little guidance from us (ie suggestions what to put). Son struggles with descriptive writing and I'm currently paying for private tuition to help with this, but part of the application was to write about a recent discovery connected to the subject and he managed to get a place on the course when others in his year didn't.

On repeating the story to the HoY when we sat discussing son's option choices she said to me 'that it proves he is capable of doing it if that's what he wants'

That's the only thing I can say to you, how badly does your son want to go to this particular school? Can you encourage him that way?

mountainofdebt

Actually unless the alternatives are totally dire I think I might be tempted to let him suffer the consequences of failing.

Person_one

I'm 29, doing my second degree and I still hate doing my homework sometimes! He'll probably hate it until its something he finds genuinely interesting or exciting. The idea of a good job is just too distant and unreal to be much of a motivator for a 10 year old.

I don't think you need to worry too much about him not having a work ethic though, I believe the main influence on that front is what is modelled by parents.

Mojisola

Does he really want to go to that school or does he think that you really want him to?

What happens in other areas of his life regarding delayed gratification? Is the problem just related to homework or is he like this about everything?

ViolaLass

I wouldn't give up on a 10-year-old, it's too soon.

For context, my mother had to nag me every day to do my music practice until I was 14, when I suddenly took full responsibility for it myself. I'm so glad she insisted.