A sad situation - WWYD? (long)

imho

Big mistake telling baby where they had moved to.
But like lots have said your aunt should try to find a friend to put her up for a while and let uncle sort out the mess that he has made worse.
Bad situation to be in .

marisco_2

You reap what you sow. To be straight your Aunt and Uncle seriously failed their son by the way they raised him. They were his parents not playmates, and should have been modelling him by example to become a decent man with integrity. Kids that are channelled positively, taught to live within acceptable boundaries and disciplined where appropriate, don't grow up to be totally dysfunctional adults.

It appears they have been enabling his destructive lifestyle ever since, by bailing him out and carrying him. Either your aunt and uncle get on the same page now, and show a united front in not letting their son destroy any more of their lives. Or she has to decide enough is enough and walk away for good. Life is way too short to live like that.

19lottie82

Your aunt knows what she needs to do, she just needs to find the guts to do it.

savingmummy

Seanymph wrote: »

I would say that just as Baby has had no consequences for his action nor has Uncle.

He has turned up time and again and bullied your Aunt into backing his way of parenting baby.

Time for Aunty to set some boundaries all 'round.

She needs, without telling Uncle if necessary, to pop and see a good divorce solicitor.

Get herself armed with knowledge - of how she COULD be independent and free of baby if she chose to.

Then she needs to confront uncle and mean it.

She has had enough, she deserves some happiness in her life. She wants her final years to be calm, and restful, and without drama. She has given a lifetime to baby who will not change unless tough love steps in, and she will no longer be part of uncle facilitating that.

she needs to explain to Uncle that she knows she is entitled to 50% house, etc etc etc - she has seen a solicitor, and if baby steps one foot inside the house she will be leaving, and Uncle will have made a choice which will put him living his twilight years under the care of baby not his wife. And good luck with that.

Then she needs to walk the dog for three hours and see what uncle has to say when she gets back.

Course, all that is easier said than done!

100% agree with the above!!

RuthnJasper

savingmummy wrote: »

100% agree with the above!!

I also agree completely with Seanymph's wise words. Based on the original post, my view was only going one way - which is this man is going to end up killing someone (intentionally or inadvertently as an effect of his tantrums).

I have great sympathy for your Aunt, OP, and hope she will be OK, even though she is partly to blame for her own predicament.

susieq87

this is a tough situation but your aunt turning her back on her son to me doesnt seem right because this is her fault. they had good intentions but they seem to be punishing their son for something that they are responsible for. they are trying to teach an old dog new tricks and not helping him is just cruel because he doesnt know better. he was never taught better.
her husband definitely needs to support her and i agree that she should make some sort of stand but also have a chat with her son and explain that she loves him very much but she cannot keep bailing him out. if she just leaves this big baby will just think that hes been abandoned.

Tygermoth

Thank you for your replies.

I should have mentioned, but as the post was already longer than war and peace, that we discussed moving out/divorce.

She's worked very hard to get a business off the ground. Uncle is in the business too but Aunty is the driving force and workhorse.

Its doing OK. pays the bills but they are not rolling in it by any means. they have debts and have been on an interest only mortgage for years and years. Moving to the cottage was a shock as mortgages have changed, they have no repayment vehicle and struggled. banks always threw money at them before but times have changed.

So if she goes she will get 50% of diddly squat. She seemed fearful of being her age, becoming divorced having nothing and starting all over again. Staying and maintaining the status quo means she doesn't lose it all. nothing to show for her hard work.

Baby used to work for them on occasion but Aunt fired him after he turned up a number of times drunk. (which Uncle got mad about)

This is why I didn't have an answer for her. I felt very sad, she is a lovely person helped me when i was a young lass and i will never forget her generosity the summer before i went to uni (i worked for her and she let me stay rent free which meant that when i arrived at uni i had a year in advance paid up)

she cant make a stand on her own. she wont leave.

So all i see is years and years of unhappiness.

susieq87

Tygermoth wrote: »

So if she goes she will get 50% of diddly squat. She seemed fearful of being her age, becoming divorced having nothing and starting all over again. Staying and maintaining the status quo means she doesn't lose it all. nothing to show for her hard work.

sometimes its about your happiness and peace of mind instead of what you have to show. her staying there is not helping but leaving could give her and her husband some perspective.

Caroline_a

Sometimes money isn't the b all and end all. I left 2 miserable marriages with zilch. Cannot tell you how much happier I am now!

19lottie82

Tygermoth wrote: »

she cant make a stand on her own. she wont leave.

So all i see is years and years of unhappiness.

sorry to be blunt, but yes, this looks like the case.