A chicken is for life not just Christmas Dinner (An 11+ ELITE Thread)

bexter7

zippydooda wrote: »

velvet and white orchid
purple berries
diamonds and pink roses

the other one shows n/a for me against tosco

Cheers Zippy

lawrie28

From a facebook post doing the rounds:

Yeah, so I just about pulled something in my neck laughing at this..I just had to share. (I highly recommend that you DO NOT drink anything while reading.) lol
-Shay-

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.
No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north after checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) ..
I inhale deeply and brace myself...RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not! I touch. .. I am touching wax!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and ... OH MY GAWD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. Its sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works!!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair...?
THE HAIR IS STILL HERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......

fairclaire

mimi1234 wrote: »

Aww girl, you are too kind, but I could do with losing some more lbs. Ended up having a huge meal with friends!

Hope everyone at yours is OK sweet cheeks. :D

You and me both!! If anyone wants to come and eat my muffin top......:eek:
High waisted jeans are getting my seal of approval lately you can carry it off with the right tops , it's the slippery slope to M&S hidden elasticated waist 'slacks'.......that word 'slacks' makes me shudder :eek::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

streetlights

Goodnight everybody, I hope you all sleep well. They did not have the bacon in my store. I did do reduce to clear shop though so all was not lost.

helen4891

Hi just done a click and collect for airwick havent checked store price but can i just ask for a refund if i am charged full price instore? I always use these types of smellys so praying this works :-)

streetlights

Thanks lawrie I just had a very good giggle reading that. I should really be on bed. goodnight.

mimi1234

fairclaire wrote: »

You and me both!! If anyone wants to come and eat my muffin top......:eek:
High waisted jeans are getting my seal of approval lately you can carry it off with the right tops , it's the slippery slope to M&S hidden elasticated waist 'slacks'.......that word 'slacks' makes me shudder :eek::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Oh shush! You are gorgeous and you know it. Don't put yourself down honey. You are the best :D:D

altojack

Time for bed methinks before I crash out in the conservatory, can barely keep my eyes open. Will have to try harder tomorrow and stay the course. Night night folks x

mrsmac10

good evening

just returned from a sedate leaving dinner, but popped into asda to check if the air freshness were rtc they were now off to read back. only ever done one small c & c before bags of sweets and still got some :T

thanks dee dee and the other ops

bexter7

Thank you DeeDee x