Opinions re: Christening please

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lilmisskitkat wrote: »

Hello all Long sorry!

He thinks we should get both the new baby and DD christened in the catholic faith which i stongly disagree with.

For a start there is no way DD is being brought up a catholic - no discussion about this, end of so to speak.

Any opinions gratefully received please!

Thanks

Kate xxx

The answer is no. To have your child christened as a catholic is making a commitment to bring the child up as a catholic. You are not willing to do this therefore it would be a sham to christen the child.

A christening is a huge decision and responsibility for the god parents and the parents of the child.

There are many who don't take their wedding vows seriously or christening seriously seeing it as an excuse for a big party or do it just because it's the done thing.

If you are going to stand up in church to say the words do your best to mean them and follow them through.

Maybe make an appointment with your local priest and talk it all through with him.

Or if you are not married already how about getting married first and see how you get along with your wedding vows first (Before making another load of promises in a christening.)

Good luck in whatever you decide.

ailuro2

Tell her you'll have a naming ceremony in her garden, she can do the 'buffet'

It's probably as good a compromise as she will get- and she gets the kudos for arranging it, which of course is quite important to some people, sometimes more so than the faith side of it.

Explain you will allow your children to choose their own faith when they are older.

Only a couple of generations ago your DD wouldn't have been recognised by most of the branches of Christianity anyway- and you probably would have been branded too by the Catholic faith- you weren't one of them, not married etc.

This is what I told a minister who thought I should bring my 'child to God' !!

grahamliza4

If your OH was a muslim, would you convert both children and attend mosque, etc? If he were Sikh, would you convert them, join the local Gurdwada? If he were a Satanist, would you dance round a fire naked and do all associated things?

If no, then NONONONONONONO!!!!!!!

There was an excellent petition on the Downing Street website recently that moved to make it illegal to tag children with religious labels before age 16.

It would be an absolute sham to christen your children, and b*l**cks to the person who said 'lets see how you get along with your marriage vows first' Patronising so'n'so.

We arent married (dont feel need) and I wouldnt bend to stupid in-laws suggestions of 'how nice' it would be the have a christening, and wouldn't it be 'proper'. Stupid people spout twaddle like this as the never stop to think about anything they are doing.

MAKES ME SO SO CROSSSS!!!!!

If you turned up at your local mosque tomorrow and said you wanted to convert to Islam and could you please start attending next weekend they'd laugh you out the door. Same with a lot of other religions. Christianity seems to be the only one you can subscribe to casually and only do the bits you fancy. ie, have a christening, get married, but never go to chuch or believe in God, etc

Why on earth do people do and say such silly things? I recently heard a friend of mine say if you hadn't been christened you wouldnt be able to get married (a ridiculous idea implanted in her head by indoctrinating peers). What rot! Churches are gagging for people to get married etc, even if they dont attend as no one goes anymore and they quite frankly need the money.

For god's (!) sake dont do it. Why tag your children with this label so young when they dont even know what it means. Dont give up on your principles.

Does your partner let you sit on the bed when you have your period? Do you know any gay people that you havn't actively shunned? Do you eat black pudding? All these things are condemned in the Bible at various points. Mainly in the first section 'law books' - leviticus and deutonomitry (sic). Christianity has become so warped over the years now anyones take on it goes. All you ever hear are the 'good' bits.

Personally, I don't feel the need to personify the force of life into a 'God' figure. I think the closest we can get is what's natural. I think you are closest to what some call 'God' sitting in a field at sunset. I think people should take more care of life and nature. I have never felt any affinity with 'God'.

Didn't mean to rant at you but this whole issue does annoy me.

Elle00

My first reaction would be "no way!" But on reflection I would actually back down. A christening to someone who is devoutly religious as this MIL appears to be will find it very hard to accept the baby if it isn't christened and it will probably upset and worry her for a long time to come. It's a toughy but as someone who thinks the bible is a story book gone wrong, I try to remember other people believe it is real. This MIL obviously believes it is real and that the baby really will go to hell if it isn't christened and that would be hard for her to accept.

If you do not believe in anything, what is the harm in lying in church? You can't get struck down by an entity you don't believe in! I wouldn't do it as a general rule for the sake of attempting to respect those that do still believe. But an awful lot of non-religious folk DO insist on christening their kids even though they've usually had no wedding or a civil one!!! Most vicars seem to accept that this is a role the modern church has to play if they want to keep religion alive in the long run and reach new members.

The question is really; what harm would it do you to have the baby christened compared to what harm will it do MIL and partner (who MIL will never forgive or leave alone) if baby is not?

I hate most religions because I'm an equalist who took to studying women of history in recent years and very much begrudges the hardships bestowed on women through being forced to "repent to Grandmother Eve for women's eternal sins". But I would still give on this one for the sake of family harmony despite my deep resentment towards religion and the way in which it's backfired so many times over the centuries!

Whatever your end decision is, make sure you make it with all the consequences in mind and remember that one of you (you or your partner) is going to have to give on this one in the end. If the best you can do is compromise somewhere in the middle, offer your MIL the opportunity to have baby blessed ahead of a civil naming ceremony perhaps?

Best wishes in getting pregnant too!!!

kj*daisy

If there are good Catholic schools round you - it might be worth doing!

Seriously though- I agree that you shouldn't make the promises if you don't intend to keep them. Our vicar suggests a blessing at the Christening prep class instead of baptism if that'show you feel (but we are c of E).
I went to a family service recently and the children baptised in the previous month are invited to come to the first family service after their baptism to be welcomed into the Church family. Out of 6 or 7 babies names read out, only one family had bothered to come back.

inkie

What rot! Churches are gagging for people to get married etc, even if they dont attend as no one goes anymore and they quite frankly need the money.

I do not charge for the weddings that I conduct!

kathy206

My advice would be not to bend to pressure to please anyone. A member of my family went and had her eldest christened behind her husband and his family's back,(yes really,he found the bible and silver christening gifts in a cupboard months later) and him and his mother were gutted that his whole family had been excluded.
My son goes to Cubs and occasional church parades in the attached church and asks about and believes in God, (and Hinduism and Jedi:rotfl: ) he wasn't christened,neither is my youngest, neither was I. (much to my Nana's disgust she had christening gown ordered everything:rotfl: ) I reckon you could come to a compromise here. Have a non religious naming ceremony when babe is tiny, then let the child decide when they are old enough. Don't do stuff to please MIL/anyone, I think you will resent this later. Just my opinion,tho and no offence to those who have their children christened!!
Hope all turns out well Kathyx

Kimitatsu

My advice would be that these are YOUR children not your MIL's and you should bring them up as you see fit.

As someone who was brought up as a catholic - did the whole 1st communion, confirmation, narrowly missed a convent school (told my parents I would tunnel out and thankfully they took me seriously) I would not bring my children up in the catholic faith today.

My boys are aware of the teachings of god (all of them - gods that is) and I have one who believes and one who is an evolutionist but I think that is good, they can both decide what they want to believe in rather than being force fed the teachings of a church. Oh and neither of them are christened, I decided it was up to them.

Again I agree with you that if your DP is not going to take your DD to church then why should she be christened? The christening ceremony is one of welcoming that child and family into the church, if you are all not going to go then why? Your MIL comes from a different generation (unwed mothers? children born out of wedlock??) and you need to stand your ground. If your MIL takes your daughter to church is she actually going to take into account the realtive values and challenges that she will face today? When I was at school we had one nun who was in her 70's and honestly believed that you should bathe in a vest so the archangel Gabriel could not view your naked body - I did point out that angels were neither male or female but just got detention for being cheeky :rolleyes:

Best to get these things out in the open now, because the next thing will be you converting to catholicism so that any future children will be brought up in the faith.

Good luck!