Opinions re: Christening please

bunty109

snowmaid wrote: »

To look at it from another angle.

Your MIL would be comforted in having the baby christened. Your OH would like the baby christened, even though he doesn't attend Church. Obviously the baby being christened is something important to him even though he doesn't attend Church. So what? If the baby is christened, is it going to hurt it in some way? How is it going to harm the baby? All it is going to do is placate your MIL and therefore removing any 'weapon' she may have against you and at the same time, fulfilling a wish of your husband's. No harm done from what I can see.

Then in the future should your child wish to practice catholicism they can do, having been christened, whereas if they never want to practice religion, they just don't go to Church!

My daughter doesn't attend Church. She is having a baby end August. Although she doesn't attend Church she wants the baby blessed (we don't do baptisms until aged 8). She wants me to take her child to Church so that when he reaches an age to make a decision, it is an informed one, and not one based on ignorance.

She is not losing anything by having baby blessed and baby is certainly not suffering either.

Why cause waves when its not necessary.

Snowmaid has a point, but I think the issue here is also the fact that you wouldn't choose to have a child raised in the Catholic faith, not just the reservations about christenings in their own right.

Personally I am with the OP on this: I went to a Church of England School etc but vowed not to have my kids christened as I no longer attend Church. I still bring them up with Christian ethics, but myself and my OH chose not to have them christened and to allow them to choose when they are older.

I have to admit I would have grave reservations about the Catholic christening and I think this is an extra consideration here. Would your OH consider christening the child in your religious persuasion (C of E, Baptist etc)? If not, then maybe there's some common ground you can get him to understand how you feel? Would he insist on the child being christened a Catholic if you were a practising Jew, for example? It might be a way of bringing about the whole idea of a naming ceremony and perhaps you can suggest that the child is blessed by a priest/vicar (rather than secretly christened!!) at that time? It would be a compromise at least.

I really don't have much time with all this christening for the sake of it, to be honest so your MIL would get short shrift from me! One of my relatives was really upset with my decision not to christen by children.....becasue they wanted to make a christening gown!!!! :rotfl:

I think this is a tricky one as I sense your MIL may be set on this as being christened is a big Catholic thing. Good luck!

snowmaid

Another interesting point my daughter raised which I have to respect her for is that although she doesn't attend Church, she has said she would rather have her child attending Church with me, attending sunday school, youth activities etc, learning good values and learning about God, than her child hanging around street corners, drinking alcohol, drugs etc. She says that while SHE may have issues with Church, she does know it is a good place in general for her child to be, where her child can mix with children who have learnt similar values etc.

I think though to a lot of people, by the sounds of it, a christening is an excuse for a booze up, that is so sad.

I was raised catholic and can understand concerns people may have! I hated attending the catholic school with those nuns! However, that doesn't mean that all denominations are like that. The one I am in now is lovely. Perhaps try Church of England etc. Doesn't have to be catholic.

Sumostar

The belief that babies "won't go to heaven" if they are not baptised is more superstition than Christian.

Most Christian denominations believe that children below an age of understanding are "saved by Grace", so having them dunked or not does not determine their "eternal destiny" if they die before they are of an age. It's when it comes to adults that the arguing starts....and don't even mention animals....

the_devil_made_me_do_it

My opinion is don't. Children should have a chance to make their own minds up about whether they want to be christened or not. I've never agreed with the fact that parents take it upon themselves to choose their child's religious belief well before the child has the ability to understand and think things for themselves.

Justie

I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle as my OH is Jewish so we have had to work out how we are going to raise our children with an understanding of the cultural aspects of their Jewish heritage (often expressed through religion). As we're having a boy we've had to make decisions about circumcision etc (and you think deciding about Christenings is hard ). In all of it we are aware of both his family (parents especially) and their hopes/expectations and my family (mum in particular) and their hopes/expectations. If neither of us felt strongly either way then there's no way that we'd circumcise or expect our child to be bar mitzvahed, or anything like that, just to keep the grandparents happy. What is important to us is how religion and culture will fit into our family unit. There are times when you have to think about the cultural reasons why people want to use religion and religious ceremonies. Children bring out many emotions and make us think about the things we value - it's not unusual for us to reach back and take comfort in the things that are familiar and the element of superstition is necessarily a negative thing. In the end you and your OH should decide together and not do things to please the MIL but I wouldn't get too bogged down in it now as things may well change between now and when you have the baby.

snowmaid

Justie wrote: »

I'm coming at this from a slightly different angle as my OH is Jewish so we have had to work out how we are going to raise our children with an understanding of the cultural aspects of their Jewish heritage (often expressed through religion). As we're having a boy we've had to make decisions about circumcision etc (and you think deciding about Christenings is hard ). In all of it we are aware of both his family (parents especially) and their hopes/expectations and my family (mum in particular) and their hopes/expectations. If neither of us felt strongly either way then there's no way that we'd circumcise or expect our child to be bar mitzvahed, or anything like that, just to keep the grandparents happy. What is important to us is how religion and culture will fit into our family unit. There are times when you have to think about the cultural reasons why people want to use religion and religious ceremonies. Children bring out many emotions and make us think about the things we value - it's not unusual for us to reach back and take comfort in the things that are familiar and the element of superstition is necessarily a negative thing. In the end you and your OH should decide together and not do things to please the MIL but I wouldn't get too bogged down in it now as things may well change between now and when you have the baby.

Doesn't the mom have to be converted for the child to be Jewish? Not sure!

Justie

snowmaid wrote: »

Doesn't the mom have to be converted for the child to be Jewish? Not sure!

if you're Orthodox then yes the mum has to be Jewish (although the matrilineal inheritance is overplayed as you basically need to be able to prove you've been married in a Synagogue to prove your Jewishness which also proves that the dad is Jewish...) there are different expressions of Judaism though just as there are of Christianity so a Liberal synagogue will welcome non-Jewish partners and even some Orthodox and Reform ones will accept to a certain extent children where one parent is Jewish. There are many Jews though who only observe feasts at home such as Passover just as there are many Christians who only observe Christmas at home but don't set foot in church.

snowmaid

Justie wrote: »

if you're Orthodox then yes the mum has to be Jewish (although the matrilineal inheritance is overplayed as you basically need to be able to prove you've been married in a Synagogue to prove your Jewishness which also proves that the dad is Jewish...) there are different expressions of Judaism though just as there are of Christianity so a Liberal synagogue will welcome non-Jewish partners and even some Orthodox and Reform ones will accept to a certain extent children where one parent is Jewish. There are many Jews though who only observe feasts at home such as Passover just as there are many Christians who only observe Christmas at home but don't set foot in church.

Ahhh ok. My previous boss in South Africa is Orthedox Jew and I know his wife had to convert. I only came into contact with Orthedox and Reform. Beautiful religion. I love the customs and traditions. My first 'lesson' was NOT to shake hands with the Rabbi! :rolleyes: :rotfl:

Thanks for clarifying.

Justie

snowmaid wrote: »

My first 'lesson' was NOT to shake hands with the Rabbi! :rolleyes: :rotfl:

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

inkie

OK - ask yourself the following questions:
a- do you believe in God?
b-do you wish to give thanks for the gift of a child?

Then I think that the answer is that you should have any yet-to-be-born -child blessed(rather than christened. I actively discourage non-Christians from having a Christening if they have no intention to bring their child up in the Christian faith. Just a ministers point of view.
Oh, and being baptised catholic will not guarantee you getting into heaven, neither does the fact that you arn't necessarily mean that you won't!