Money Moral Dilemma: Should we have paid for restaurant owner's birthday meal?

stmartinsdiver

Would you like to come to my 'birthday do'?
Put in those terms it sounds like someone is offering to treat you which is obviously how you read it which is why you took a bottle of bubbly as your contribution as you may well do if it was a normal birthday party.
That's what you thought you heard but was that what was actually said?
Anyway it's too late now to do anything about it and a bill of £150 sounds like you might have been unreasonably extravagant thinking it was a freebie.
I'd have thought that the service charge might have been waived as you'd accepted the friends' invitation to dine in her restaurant so it seems to me that neither the invitation nor the acceptance were really based on friendship so I'd just draw a line under it and consider it a lesson learned.

pollypenny

Was the friend sitting with you at the table? How much did she pay?

Not much of a friend, anyway.

Voyager2002

Nada666 wrote: »

Why are people moaning about the service charge? Why should the waiters and cooks not receive their usual remuneration?

Cooks are paid from the price of the dish. A service charge is presented as an alternative to leaving a tip for the waiter, but restaurant owners often fail to pass it on.

minicooper272

This is a tricky thing without knowing how she worded the invite, and without being able to know more about the dining circumstances. The specific invite would make me think it was 'on her' too, but:

If she sat you at a table for 2, let you pick from the menu and let you pick from the wine list, I'd slowly start to realise there's a chance I'll be handed a bill.

If she invited you along to a big do, sat at a table with others, set menu, lots of wine placed on the table, and then handed you a bill, it's another matter.

Either way it's too late to say anything now. If the bill was for scenario 2, decline future invites and don't go back. If the bill was for scenario 1, possibly more of a misunderstanding. Don't go back for a few months, and then you can decide whether she's a close enough friend to 'forgive'.

I agree with others, even with both of these scenarios, it does sound like you've been taken for an easy target. Inviting you to a specific event, specific date, with others attending, a bill is a bit unfair. And if she was the one serving you, I think she should have knocked off the service charge. I don't think it's right to force friends to tip you - that's just purely profiteering!

andyjb49_2

that sort of manipulation is disgusting and quite un-called for - no excuses just a plain and emphatic no way!

andyjb49_2

Stevie_Palimo wrote: »

It's only money and surely friendship is more important !!!

with friends like that I'd rather not have any!

Talent

Chalk it up to experience and don't let anything like that happen to you again!!

maiasopohie

Love these "hypothetical" scenarios!

winston_1

Nada666 wrote: »

Why are people moaning about the service charge? Why should the waiters and cooks not receive their usual remuneration?

Waiters and cooks are paid a wage by their employers. The whole service charge/tipping culture is to enable employers to underpay their staff and to often avoid taxes. Every time you tip you are perpetuating this unfair, fraudulent, and demeaning system.

Many low paid workers such as supermarket checkout staff are not tipped. What is so special about restaurant staff?

Lisbon

If you say nothing, you'll just brood on it - so on balance I would say something, although I'd be careful what I actually said.

A bill of £150 for two people is pretty hefty, so sounds as if you more than made free with what you thought was her hospitality!