Why do people take advantage of family members?

Viberduo

duchy wrote: »

Don't let facts get in the way of a DM reader's story

Are you saying I am a DM reader? Oh god no I grew up in a poor but hard working family who got harassment due to stereotypes, and a brother who spent a year in jail for a crime he didnt commit yet Police called family scum and he had a miserable time in there with no real luxuries and the self same prison he was in, was in the DM actually talking about how luxurious it was!

I wanted to be a journalist when younger until what happened with my brother i.e local media leaving out all positive things and editing any other evidence to imply he was guilty without saying it

FBaby

If you spoil someone, they will act spoilt. Both parties are as guilty of the outcome.

supersuzie50

It also works the other way as well - my mother is 94 and according to her she is dying. i moved back in with her to assist her. 7 years later - she is still dying. I am paying all the bills with no time off - I am the stupid one in being manipulated my mother. Now the scenario is don't put me in a home. I am exhausted and wanting to run. Yet still manipulated by mother. I was wiser at the age of 18 and left home. The moral of the tale - do not allow yourself to be manipulated.

dancingfairy

Viberduo, it's hard when you seem friends and family being taken advantage of but what can you do? If you say something you run the risk of being seen as interfering. All you can do is deal with your immediate family and leave the rest of them to sort themselves out.
Supersuzie I'm sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. I hope you can find a solution.
df

1trainer1

I had moments in life where I was taken advantage of and the worse thing was I always felt like I was doing it for love ( my brother or father) but later realised because I was semi successful in life they wanted the rewards of my hard work without actually working for it.

now im older I dont regret it as it is a lesson learnt and I am a lot wiser but its a shame that your own immediate family can do these things to you

balletshoes

FBaby wrote: »

If you spoil someone, they will act spoilt. Both parties are as guilty of the outcome.

exactly right.

thorsoak

Viberduo wrote: »

Are you saying I am a DM reader? Oh god no I grew up in a poor but hard working family who got harassment due to stereotypes, and a brother who spent a year in jail for a crime he didnt commit yet Police called family scum and he had a miserable time in there with no real luxuries and the self same prison he was in, was in the DM actually talking about how luxurious it was!

I wanted to be a journalist when younger until what happened with my brother i.e local media leaving out all positive things and editing any other evidence to imply he was guilty without saying it

I still fail to see what this has to do with the scenarios that you relate - and what the scenarios that you relate have to do with you - and why you should require any comments from us!

My advice : keep your nose out of other people's business and do not comment upon that which does not concern you.

SailorSam

Don't get me started on this subject. I've always put other people first before myself, especially those i use to think were family. There are very few things in life i feel bitter about but family is the one that hurts most. It's very late in life now and has cost me an awful lot, but never again i've learnt if you're nice to people they're not always nice back.

System

The psychological and emotional issues around friends/relatives and money are interesting. Alvin Hall writes well on this topic.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/You-Your-Money-Alvin-Hall/dp/0340793414/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1400421834&sr=8-1&keywords=alvin+hall+you+and+your+money

In the first chapter of this book ^^ he describes various different money personalities, among which are "The Parasite and the Fixer". I think this is what the OP is referring to.

The Parasite is always cadging, and looking to someone else to solve their money problems; The Fixer is the person who pays for things for them, and bails them out time after time. The Parasite gets a free ride at somebody else's expense while the Fixer seems to like the sense of maturity, importance and virtue that comes with their role. Unfortunately, the two seem to gravitate towards one another, as the OP has shown in those several different scenarios, and it's not always a conscious thing.

I recommend having a read of this book (or his other books), it's very insightful.

Viberduo

thorsoak wrote: »

I still fail to see what this has to do with the scenarios that you relate - and what the scenarios that you relate have to do with you - and why you should require any comments from us!

My advice : keep your nose out of other people's business and do not comment upon that which does not concern you.

You can have the same argument about pretty much anything in life, and just because you fail to see what I mean doesnt mean discussion should not be had thats self centered of you.

Its just nice talking about things like this and hearing from peoples perspectives thats all.