Bit of a niggle about a friend. WWYD?

hazyjo

I have a friend in Brighton who doesn't work, has two young children and a busy life. We probably see each other every year or two these days, but we always have a lovely time and say we must do it again sooner. I'm usually the initiator and add a note in a birthday card or something saying meet up soon, but she always rings.

She's always busy when I have rung her (rarely). She doesn't have internet/email/mobile which, unfortunately in this day and age, means we don't really keep in touch via the means of FB or email or jokes sent or texts... honestly, I don't know how she does it, but that's what she wants. I hope we remain friends and have stopped caring who rings who first. Another friend in Surrey in a similar position.

You could always say let's meet every first Saturday in July and every first Saturday in December (or (obviously) whatever day suits). Maybe that'll be easier.

Jx

red_devil

Friendships should be two way, it dosent take much to send a text these days.

Soleil_lune

red_devil wrote: »

Friendships should be two way, it dosent take much to send a text these days.

I agree with this, and it is annoying that the OP is the one to always text this friend.

That said, going on what she has said, and the fact that this friend seems to enjoy seeing her, they go back forty years, she buys nice cards and gifts, and she never lets her down, etc etc, I would suck it up, and text her.

If that is her only 'fault,' I would let it go.

Amanda65

If you want to stay in touch with her and value her friendship then I would just accept that you are the 'organiser' and not let it spoil what are otherwise very nice social occasions for you. If it makes you feel undervalued as a friend and annoys you, then stop getting in contact.

I am an organiser (but also very busy with work, children and family committments) and sometimes do feel if I didn't make the effort there are some friends I might not see but I would rather send a text and see them than never catch up.

Emm-in-a-pickle

One of my dearest friends moved 120 miles away for work - that was 20 years ago, but her parents still live near me. She had to give up work for long-term health reasons, and we can only meet up when she`s over here visiting her folks (her OH drives).
She is the one who mostly keeps `regular` contact - brief texts, e-mails, letter cards. I always really mean to reply at once, but often leave it for weeks. (I also start letters that get rather long and are out of date when she gets them, but she says she really enjoys them anyway!)

The point is, on the rare times we do meet up it`s like we were only chatting the day before. We both KNOW this is a really treasured friendship and she brushes away my apologies as she doesn`t send a card expecting a reply, she just sends because she feels like doing it, and she says she always enjoys one of my long letters because they don`t arrive too often!

Billie-S

Hi everyone, and thanks so much for all your replies. I made up my mind to take heed of the majority of the replies, and to just accept the fact that she was rubbish at contacting me, but pretty much a good friend in every other way.

Then, weirdly, amazingly, freakishly, this afternoon, my friend texted me out of the blue! "Time to meet up for a pub lunch soon?" You could have knocked me down with a feather.

The first time she has texted first in about 3 years, and it was just a day after I put my post on here!!! Coincidence? Or did she see this thread? #awkward

Well if she did, she would see what a great friend I said she is... haha

So we are meeting next week, and thanks for the advice everyone. I will bear it in mind for the future.

pattycake

The power of MSE! Or just spooky.

Enjoy your outing.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Primrose wrote: »

I think in a lot of these cases it is simply that somebody is so busy that time whizzes by, one week dissolves into the next and people simply just don't realise how much time has passed since the last contact. I just suggest getting in touch and not making an issue of it. It,s not worth upsetting a friendship for, even it it's bit of a personal irritant.

That's my life.

Texted my best female friend last Friday, saying I thought she might be back from holiday now and did she want to meet up.

Got a text back the following day, saying they'd been back for three weeks. But yes, she'd love to meet up.


I thought I'd last seen her about a month ago. It's nearly 3.

Billie-S

pattycake wrote: »

The power of MSE! Or just spooky.

Enjoy your outing.

DEFINITELY spooky! :rotfl:

And thank you - I will.

Billie-S

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

That's my life.

Texted my best female friend last Friday, saying I thought she might be back from holiday now and did she want to meet up.

Got a text back the following day, saying they'd been back for three weeks. But yes, she'd love to meet up.


I thought I'd last seen her about a month ago. It's nearly 3.

Well I must admit that I was surprised when I worked it out yesterday, that it had been 4 months! Felt more like 2 to 2 and a half. And I am not busy at all these days, so to my friend - who is much busier than me at this point in our lives - it must felt like a month.