Short fuse sufferers - how do you bite your tongue at work?

googler

On the first outburst

"Excuse me?"

If the outburst is repeated

"i'm sorry, what did you say?"

repeat as necessary,

"Sorry, still didn't catch it"

and eventually the outburst dissolves to a polite version, at which time you respond in kind.


Or, as stated above, lean in close to the bully, and very, very quietly

"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that, would you say it again so that EVERYONE can hear it?"

or

"There's a couple of folk in Mumbai who didn't catch what you said, can you say it a bit louder?"

and variations......

silverwhistle

"I'm sorry, I've got a terrible memory, you wouldn't mind if I recorded your instructions?":whistle:

FreddieM

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

are you saying that your employer didn't deal with your grievance correctly? it should be dealt with someone other than the person that the grievance has been filed against.

I would say that employers would rarely deal with grievances in an impartial way because it has a negative affect on the management. In this day and age where an employee has less power than ever before, I would like to see an external body deal with grievances.... someone neutral. We have a union rep working in our organisation, and it could be said that he/she needs to protect their own employment. The fact that there appears to be far more people unhappy at work is a pointer that things should be far better between employer/employee. That way short fuse people would be far less than threads like this show ;-) just an opinion of course

TBagpuss

i agree wit hthe advice to document.

The other thing which is worth trying is to be very, very reasonable.

For instance, in the example you gave of him staring at you, the sky etc, stop what you are doing and ask, politely, "Can I help you? You look as if you have a question about what I'm doing"

Similarly, if he starts shouting about not having done something, respond politely "I'm sorry that there wasn't time to do x, I prioritised doing A,B and C as I understood that those were my primary responsibility. In future, do you want me to come and ask you which task to do first, when we are busy and there isn't time to do everything?" If h responds by telling you you should know to do x first then you stay polite but again, ask him for clear guidance e.g."I thought I did know, that's why I prioritised AB & C which I understood to be the most urgent. AS I was obviously wrong, I need you to explain what things we need to take into account to decide what to prioritise in future, or alternatively I can simply ask you directly next time."

I have also found it quite effective to make the other person's aggressive/inappropriate behaviour the issue. e.g. if he is shouting at you then you respond with "I can see you are clearly upset. Can we talk about this once you are calmer?"

Morglin

Acerbic wit/sarcasm, with a smile, can be effective, and can really wind up those types of people.

Kin

NatMast_2

This is probably one of the main reasons I started having a cheeky cigarette every now and again after quitting. Sometimes it's handy for just the breathing...and being outside in the open air allows a few choice words to escape!

But I do have to agree with sarcasm and wit as Morglin said, does work a charm sometimes. Or even smile sweetly and say yes sir/madam...as you picture many numerous scenarios featuring their demise!

JustAnotherSaver

Thanks guys. Some very helpful replies. Just to comment on a few things...

Morglin wrote: »

Acerbic wit/sarcasm, with a smile, can be effective, and can really wind up those types of people.

Kin

While i agree, i'm not sure winding up is the best thing. I want to diffuse the situation. I wont shy away from confrontation but that doesn't mean i like it.

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

then follow company procedure & raise a grievance.

Been there, done that. Went nowhere due to 'lack of evidence'.

The problem is you need witnesses, otherwise it's your word vs theirs. Other people have their jobs to worry about & don't want to get involved in your hassle. Add to this that many people these days just "can't be bothered".

But like i said - if it's not making the company money or it's not costing them money then there's little (no) interest. A grievance is just a delay, an irritant that they can do without & as you brought it, you will get grief off them for 'wasting their time'.

I was told by the employer to report if someone was smoking inside. I don't care if this guy or anyone smokes outside, despite it being against company rules, it's when they do it inside where you're supposed to be eating & when they do it in the toilet & then you want to go but it absolutely stinks. So i reported it. The boss came out & although he'd only just finished, the boss claimed they couldn't smell anything. It stunk to high heaven. I was then told by others in the room that the boss was just joking about it in there as well.



Thinking about biting the tongue though - i remember my dad telling me after he'd had a heart attack & went to heart rehab classes.
They were all asked what they should do when stressed in situations as i mention. Should they bite their tongue? My dad who also spoke his mind said not. Everyone else in the class said yes as it's the 'dignified' thing to do, the 'classy' thing to do etc.
The one taking the class said this is incorrect. It's bad for your health to bottle it up. He went on to tell me why but i forget the exacts so i wont try & remember & end up telling you wrong.

Maybe an excuse for speaking my mind :rotfl: