Short fuse sufferers - how do you bite your tongue at work?

JustAnotherSaver

"take your teeth, put your tongue between them & close" har har very funny.

Seriously though, how do you do it when someone you work with winds you up more than anyone you've ever known?

For those of you who find it easy to keep quiet & have done so throughout your life & are so laid back you're on your back then this thread isn't for you ...toddle along.

This is for those who generally say what's on their mind. How do you stop it before it gets you in trouble?


I've been trying it & it's been working ok until today. I don't get along with my line manager. Then again, i'm not being biased or exaggerating when i say i can't think of anyone who does. He really genuinely is that disliked throughout the company (aside from management).

He has his 'isms' that are difficult to explain. I'll try my best...

Normal person: "hey i don't think it's going to rain, so i don't think that item needs protecting from the rain".
Line Manager: walks up to you. Looks to the sky, looks to the floor, looks at you. You ask what. He looks to the sky, looks to the floor, looks at you. You ask what's up with him. He does it again. You carry on protecting item from potential rain as it's overcast. He then kicks off shouting at you that it doesn't need protecting....
...so therefore we don't protect it & lo+behold it rains & item gets wrecked. Line Manager says it's delivery drivers fault for not protecting it. :T

Normal Person: "i know we've been really busy but can you try your best to get this bit of work done"
Line Manager: announces that loud it must surely be to the world.... IT'S OK, I'LL EFFING DO THIS SINCE YOU CAN'T BE EFFING BOTHERED AS YOU'RE EFFING HIDING DOING EFF ALL. THERE'S ONLY ME WHO WORKS HERE, YOU'RE A LAZY EFFER.

I really could go on & give you 100s of examples, but basically this guy puts his own twist on things, he lies about things to get you in trouble, he exaggerates things to get you in trouble. Accuses you of not working just because he may have to do some difficult work when in actual fact you've been rushed off your feet because HE has been hiding playing on his personal phone.

I know i know - you've all worked with this guy.

Well, how about this one - i've worked with many guys in their 50s, 60s etc coming to the end of their working life who have worked over the country & for many different employers. They have all said and yes i mean ALL said that they have never worked with such a childish 40+ something who seems to love to cause drama for no good reason before in their life.


We had a big bust up because he accused me of something that wasn't true & i thought ok that is that, i've reached breaking point, enough is enough. I'm going to say/do something i regret so from this point on i will ONLY talk to him about work related matters. Other than that i wont engage in conversation as it just leads to fall out & all this childishness i can do without as ATEOTD all i want to do is get on with the job.

So, for about 8 weeks i didn't let the work suffer. I just didn't engage in conversation with the guy. All was well.

Today he came out of the blue & had a royal blast at me. I found it was sparked from another co-worker telling him something that wasn't really true & my line manager got offended & blasted me instead of asking if XYZ was true (another habit he has). It took me a good while to work out what was going on.
He was digging away, kept calling me childish & babyish & calling me all sorts more. I kept quiet, kept biting my tongue, kept not retaliating.

Then he just kept banging on, calling me this that & the other, pulling his stupid faces as i'm answering him & i snapped & let rip at him.





Biting my tongue is something i find incredibly difficult. I naturally do not take any crap. I speak my mind & if someone is having a pop & i think they're wrong then i will snap back at them.
If i feel it is deserved then i will take it.

Just throwing it out there as i could do with some advice as this will wind me in bother eventually which i don't want so am trying to cap it before that happens.

JKSandy

I always speak up however I say it with tact and decorum. People who can't construct opinions or feedback with decorum should go on a course on "How to deal with day to day life".

Southend1

Have you considered enrolling on some training? Giving effective feedback and dealing with challenging behaviours would be two topics both you and your manager could benefit from.

getzls

I have too much class to kick off when I'm working.
I may think they are a C--t but I won't say it.:cool:

dippy3103

I often have to bite my tongue at work... The first thing I do is take a deep breath and say I'm off to the loo/make a cuppa/whatever other excuse I can make to get out..

I then simmer down and decide if it really matters. If it does then I will go back and calmly explain why I am annoyed.

I never have been one to kick off but if I think someone is wrong I will tell them.

Speaking up can be done with dignity and if you are not ranting and raving you get more respect.

missindecisive

I laugh at them and take the p**s. Works a treat, they don't like humiliation.:j

Southend1

missindecisive wrote: »

I laugh at them and take the p**s. Works a treat, they don't like humiliation.:j

Apart from being an immature and silly way to behave, that kind of thing is also likely to backfire on you.

missindecisive

It hasn't so far!

skivenov

I don't do biting my tongue at all well. For this reason, I've found life is infinitely easier if I work for myself.

JustAnotherSaver

JKSandy wrote: »

I always speak up however I say it with tact and decorum. People who can't construct opinions or feedback with decorum should go on a course on "How to deal with day to day life".

Very easy to talk about on an internet forum, very difficult to do in real life. Maybe not for you, but then i suppose your working environment is likely different to mine. I'm not saying you work in an office, but taking office work as an example, they don't seem to understand where we come from. Office workers (at least at our place) are baffled by "male-banter" they call it.

Their 'banter' seems to be moving someones mouse from the right side of the desk to the left. Oooh don't get too ahead of yourselves :rotfl:But that's just banter & not dealing with a boiling over issue.

When you've got someone ranting & raving & generally being childish, effing & jeffing, pushing all your buttons, it's quite hard to not lash out, i find anyway.

Southend1 wrote: »

Have you considered enrolling on some training? Giving effective feedback and dealing with challenging behaviours would be two topics both you and your manager could benefit from.

If you mean raise issues with the powers that be & resolve them & make the world a better place then trust me - been there, tried that, got told to stop wasting time. If it's not making money it's not interesting or worthwhile. That includes resolving issues. "Just get on with it" is the motto.

getzls wrote: »

I have too much class to kick off when I'm working.
I may think they are a C--t but I won't say it.:cool:

That's great & all. There's a few at work i think are c--ts and i don't say it either because they're just general idiots imo, but they don't go out of their way to push my buttons.

Unlike this guy. Excessive childishness. Take the looking to the sky & ground & then me thing. What 40 year old does that? Accusing people of being lazy & can't be bothered when we've been busting our backsides while he plays on personal phones. May be very easy for some to stay quiet but i'm not asking those people. How can someone with a short fuse stay calm/quiet when he's throwing this ridiculous accusations?

That's what i'm trying to find help with.

dippy3103 wrote: »

I often have to bite my tongue at work... The first thing I do is take a deep breath and say I'm off to the loo/make a cuppa/whatever other excuse I can make to get out..

I've tried walking away from the situation. He generally just follows me repeating himself. I tell him to leave me be as i need to calm down. He bangs on - what you need to calm down for, do as i tell you, answer my question, stand there now etc.

He tried it with another lad who must be in his 50s/60s and has taken his fair of crap over the years no doubt. Line manager says to do a job. Chap says that's not what he was taken on for & not in his contract (he's new & doesn't have qualifications to do the job LM was asking him to do). LM then barks - you'll do as i tell you now get that done now.
Chap steps over to him, gets up close to his face - scuse me, i don't think i quite heard you right. Care to say that again.
LM steps back & does the har har i was only joking routine & shuffles off. Just another example of how he speaks to people & winds them up, not just me.

if you are not ranting and raving you get more respect.

Problem here is i've tried talking. It doesn't work.

Thing is - if he starts ranting & raving at you, you can speak back, you can shout back, you can stay calm or swear, it really doesn't matter ........... as he'll shout over you. He'll ask you a question, you'll try to answer but he'll talk over you & try rubbish what you're saying while you're saying it because he doesn't want to hear it.

And the classic - he'll get out a put down & then immediately walk off so he can't hear your response. Again, that winds me up no end. Who does that?

I just find it incredibly difficult. There's little difference between a verbal attack & a physical one in my view. If you were getting pounded on you'd defend yourself. You wouldn't just stand there taking hits to the face because "people with class don't hit back". Same way if you're getting verbally attacked - it's just knee-jerk (for me) to defend myself. Like i said, if i feel i'm in the wrong i take it, otherwise it's very difficult to take it.


I suppose today was progress. Normally i would've bit at the first snidey remark. :rotfl:At least he managed to get in about 5-6 remarks before i snapped.

Southend1

No I'm talking about interpersonal skills rather than resolving issues.