Short fuse sufferers - how do you bite your tongue at work?

Stephb1986_2

I'd either laugh at him or I would take a deep breath and walk off.

Because if you did actually say something back you'd be in the wrong because he's your boss.

Steph

FBaby

I record absolutely everything as evidence in preparation for a potential grievance if their behaviour becomes such that expected to work with them becomes unreasonable.

BillJones

missindecisive wrote: »

I laugh at them and take the p**s. Works a treat, they don't like humiliation.:j

That's not very grown up, and is what most people would describe as cutting off your nose to spite your face.

How's it worked for you in your career to date, have you still achieved great success?

AbbieCadabra

FBaby wrote: »

I record absolutely everything as evidence in preparation for a potential grievance if their behaviour becomes such that expected to work with them becomes unreasonable.

this.

start recording all the incidents & try to get others to do the same. just keep to the facts about what happened, time & date etc. he shouldn't be shouting or swearing at you. do what you're already doing, stay calm & rational, don't react to his behaviour. tell him you're going to walk away as you won't be spoken to like that & he needs to calm down & talk to you later (para phrasing, you've already given good examples). go away & write it up & get any witness to this behaviour to do the same.

he's a bully, he's not rational & sounds like there's some narcissistic tendencies in there too (you can't beat them, it really isn't worth the effort & you'll just drive yourself mad in the process).

perhaps 2 or 3 incidents like you've described (possibly less, don't let it go for too long a time), with hopefully another member of staff doing the same & preferably with at least 1 witness - then follow company procedure & raise a grievance.

far easier said than done i know, but i think this is the only way anything will change. you could opt for the 'challenge him' route as you gave an example where he backed down, but do you want constant conflict & stress at work every day?

good luck!

FreddieM

skivenov wrote: »

I don't do biting my tongue at all well. For this reason, I've found life is infinitely easier if I work for myself.

Can I ask what you do for a living, this idea sounds a good option Ta!

getmore4less

One trick is to work out what the triggers are and make sure you press those buttons when the more senior management are around.

silentkiller

I too am a horrific short fuse sufferer - and to be honest, I don't know how to bite my tongue - it's a small family business I work for and I tend to get very angry and take it out on my mum, - who also works here, unfairly of course.

Biting of the tongue can be a good thing - like in the example number 1, because you just have to get on with it and count to ten, breathe in, all that sort of stuff, but in example number 2, I would not stand for a manager thinking I had said something which I hadn't so I would speak to him as calmly, professionally and diplomatically as I could to explain my side - if he doesn't care, then he doesn't care, at least you've put your side across.

But people above me have good suggestions on how to deal specifically with the anger part.

missindecisive

BillJones wrote: »

That's not very grown up, and is what most people would describe as cutting off your nose to spite your face.

How's it worked for you in your career to date, have you still achieved great success?

It has never failed me yet. It is very hard for an angry person who is carrying on like a toddler, to argue and tant with someone who is clearly not playing their game. It also makes them look stupid and this sort of person does not like that, they feel they are the one in control.
Ive have tried reporting grievances, talking to them like a human being, trying to resolve matters in a professional manner, following the correct procedures etc etc, does not work because this person wants a fight. Don't give it to them.!

AbbieCadabra

missindecisive wrote: »

Ive have tried reporting grievances, talking to them like a human being, trying to resolve matters in a professional manner, following the correct procedures etc etc, does not work because this person wants a fight. Don't give it to them.!

are you saying that your employer didn't deal with your grievance correctly? it should be dealt with someone other than the person that the grievance has been filed against.

DKLS

Over the years I have learnt to bite my tongue when needed, respond appropriately at a later time preferably via email, or simply bide my time until its appropriate for me to take action.