No children wedding

rachiibell

aeb wrote: »

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

This is the rudest thing I've ever heard!!! :eek:

I can't believe they don't class your triplets as part of the family just because they were born after your husband died. I think you've showed amazing restraint I would immediately have said screw you then (or something a lot ruder!)

xxlouisexx56

aeb wrote: »

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

I am also hugely shocked at this. As if your poor children haven't been through enough by losing their father before they were even born but not to considered really family for that very reason?

Words really do fail me

POPPYOSCAR

aeb wrote: »

I'm undecided for several reasons. I want to go for the sake of the family meet up (there will be lots of relatives on DH side that I rarely see) but it's 270 miles so 2 over-nights (wedding is 11 am). I do have friends who can look after the triplets and other friends to look after all 6 if needs be. They would probably think it quite exciting (village sleep-over), however, if I go alone it really defeats the object of meeting family. If I take the eldest 3 I don't want to be in an awkward position of explaining why I didn't bring the youngest.
I did tactfully suggest we all came just to the church. The girls would love the see the bride! Then not the reception. I'd be happy to make a weekend away and find something else to do but this was not acceptable to SIL

Then you are a better person than I am.

There is no way in million years I would want to be there and I would not go.

But you have to do what you think is best for you and your family.

aeb_2

Just wanted to say sorry OP I didn't mean to distract from your thread, apologies.

tinkerbellkirst

Abe,

No problem, your SIL sounds like not a very nice person

I went to a friends child free wedding last may, my eldest was flower girl, so invited, my youngest wasn't wedding party (boy) so he stayed with family. So I had a similar situation, I'm glad now really we had a much more relaxing evening with him home but I did feel
Guilty leaving one behind.

I'm glad no one wants to shoot me down for having a no child wedding. It's not even that we don't want kids there I'd love to have them there but the venue simply cannot accommodate a possible 40 kids aswell as 120ish adults so it has to be a rule.

I think I will have to make it clear that space is the issue as there may be a few children there that we see regularly and also to keep my own 2 entertained! Most of the guests I know have family members (grandparents, aunties, uncles etc) who aren't invited so can babysit.

Thanks for all your replies

Kirsty x

aniahill

I got married on Saturday and we had the same issue - we wanted to be explicit in not having children there without saying "Either they won't enjoy and will complain, or I won't enjoy them being there, with their sticky hands, bombing around the place and skidding on their knees"

In the save the dates and the invitations we reiterated the point and it was along these lines:

"We are taking this opportunity to let parents know that this will be an adults only wedding. We hope this will give you enough time to find a child minder for the night and give you a night off of child care. We sincerely hope you are able to join in our celebrations"

It did sound nicer on the invitation!

We only had one problem with an extended family member not wanting to come because his daughter couldn't come, but as I said to my parents, it's an invitation, not a summons. It was his choice not to come and I'm fine with that, and his partner chose to come which was very kind of her.

Good luck with finding your correct method, but I think you really need to be explicit and not just hope that people will go with who's on the invitation

duchy

Oh there is always one family member who thinks it doesn't mean them.
I had a child free wedding as it was just ceremony and sit down meal - no evening reception or disco just a nice meal for fifty. Kids would have being bored out of their skulls and that was how I presented it. No-one had any objection except one cousin who we'd only invited out of duty so when he kicked off and said if his daughter wasn't welcome he wasn't- my Mum said "OK I am sorry you aren't coming but I respect your decision Bye" Put the phone down fast and ignored his calls for the next hour ! (Caller display is a wonderful invention)

Ms_Chocaholic

aeb wrote: »

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

OMG!
I'd take them all

DigForVictory

aeb, please, take the whole tribe, triplets & all, to the wedding! Then be clear where your team are staying, so family can come and croon and cheer even if the bride can't and won't (as she's too busy even to be tactful - daft rabbit - *sensational* wedding photo right there!)

Kaye1

We had an invite last year along the same lines.


We wrote back a lovely letter, wishing them a fabulous day and all the best, but we would not be able to attend. We put in a little poem and a photo, so it was a nice refusal. My little one was only 7 months old and breastfeeding, so it wasn't an option.


They contacted us to say that we were welcome to just come to the evening do instead- it wasn't formal sit down meal more casual. It was very kind of them and we had a lovely time.


I think people should be respectful of want they want- after all it is their wedding!