No children wedding

ariba10

I used to wondered why I hated weddings (Except my own). Now I remember.

POPPYOSCAR

If that is what you want then it should , of course,be respected.

However, you have to be understanding of the people who will decline because of it, and invariably some will.

Do not make any exceptions though, or if you do, be prepared to accept the wrath of some others!

aeb_2

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

POPPYOSCAR

aeb wrote: »

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

Words almost fail me!

Are you going?

aeb_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Words almost fail me!

Are you going?

I'm undecided for several reasons. I want to go for the sake of the family meet up (there will be lots of relatives on DH side that I rarely see) but it's 270 miles so 2 over-nights (wedding is 11 am). I do have friends who can look after the triplets and other friends to look after all 6 if needs be. They would probably think it quite exciting (village sleep-over), however, if I go alone it really defeats the object of meeting family. If I take the eldest 3 I don't want to be in an awkward position of explaining why I didn't bring the youngest.
I did tactfully suggest we all came just to the church. The girls would love the see the bride! Then not the reception. I'd be happy to make a weekend away and find something else to do but this was not acceptable to SIL

duchy

Ha Ha
"Your triplets aren't invited in case they steal the limelight from the bride"
Too funny

snow_ball

aeb wrote: »

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

"Not really his family"??? Sorry, this is just horrible and I wouldn't be going. If I did, all the children would be with me.

ellie99

aeb wrote: »

I would say make it clear and be tactful

Last month I received an invite from my niece to her wedding in October. It states 'no children except for wedding party' This is my late husbands sisters daughter.
OK, so not my children, I understand that.

Then a note on the back to say that of course my three eldest children are invited (10, 8 and 6) but the triplets (4) born 6 months after my DH died were not invited. On talking to my SIL this is for two reasons, "they weren't born when DH was alive so therefore not really his family and also because they are too much of a novelty, I should know because I had twins"

I'm still working out the logistics as it's 200 miles away.

I don't often post, but this has shocked me...just how hurtful and insensitive can people be?

It's bad enough to only invite some of your children, it should be all or no-one, but to say the youngest are "Not really his family"??? ..it's disgraceful.

And the worst thing is that people can say things like that without the slightest thought that it might be hurtful.

I don't think I'd go to the wedding if that's how they feel.

Principia_2

aeb wrote: »

I'm undecided for several reasons. I want to go for the sake of the family meet up (there will be lots of relatives on DH side that I rarely see) but it's 270 miles so 2 over-nights (wedding is 11 am). I do have friends who can look after the triplets and other friends to look after all 6 if needs be. They would probably think it quite exciting (village sleep-over), however, if I go alone it really defeats the object of meeting family. If I take the eldest 3 I don't want to be in an awkward position of explaining why I didn't bring the youngest.
I did tactfully suggest we all came just to the church. The girls would love the see the bride! Then not the reception. I'd be happy to make a weekend away and find something else to do but this was not acceptable to SIL

Do you want to go with the children? If so then is there anyone near the wedding who would look after your youngest children for the wedding/evening do? then you could meet family at other times.

I'm sure there would be lots of family who would love to see you all and would be disappointed not to see the youngest ones. I think duchy hit the nail on the head - someone doesn't want to be upstaged by triplets!

If it were me, if I wanted to go for me and my family then I'd go and try and work something out with other friends/family members. However, I'd not feel at all guilty if I chose not to go either.

My sister in law had no children for her wedding. 5 years later when her best friend had no children at her wedding, the sil had two young children and was spitting feathers at the insult - no she's not the sort of person who you can point out her hypocrisy but it was quietly amusing.

burnoutbabe

FBaby wrote: »

We chose a children free wedding for the same reasons. On the invite we just did Mr and Mrs but most people invited were friends we spoke to regularly and understood it decision. Quite a few said it was a good excuse for a child free evening! My sister is the only one who had an issue with it and as she is close family and was travelling from abroad that was fair enough and I had one friend who came with her son and that was fine too. we also invited my kids two best friends for the evening. They were all very well behaved and we're no problem bur was glad it was no more.

that does sound as though you are really saying "no badly behaved kids" as you did invite some but not others. So in that case you need to say its due to space, rather than wanting a childfree wedding. Else people will be annoyed that some were allowed and not others.