Only freedom will do

hiddenshadow

elantan wrote: »

I have friends who for them 0 is the perfect number of kids to have ... the abuse they get is ridiculous

This is us (though if we count furry kids then my number goes up significantly ). I've had relatives assure me "oh, X swore up and down they never wanted kids, and then it hit them and now look at their adorable children" (cue me side-eying the screaming toddlers ). I've also had near-strangers ask if/when we'll have kids (in a tone of voice implying that it's the only true life decision to make).

I don't really mind when it's the assumption that one will procreate, because obviously that's the biological imperative and the majority of people do want to become parents. The bit that bugs me is when I state (either as off-hand comment or in response to a direct question about parenting) that I have no desire to have kids, my opinion gets discarded because "my biological clock will explode" (I'm 35 and it has yet to murmur) or "oh but kids are so great and life-changing!" (I'm sure they are but our lives have changed enough with pets, thanks), etc. Why can't people just take it at face value that I want 0 kids ever, and Ed/Mrs Ed want 1 kid? Maybe either of us will change our minds, but for now, that's the state of affairs.

/end rant

themadvix

edinburgher wrote: »

.

Thanks for the input PD, Amex does look like the likely candidate. The one with a fee is odd - I can't really see any benefit over the free product. Granted, the total cashback is higher, but this only cancels out the annual fee. Very odd, possibly just a marketing gimmick.

A lot of the time there are offers on which waive the fee for the first year - and you get the bonus points if you spend the minimum - we have one of these and will cancel it before the renewal (and therefore charge), having gained a lot of points, converted in our case into V1rgin miles.

ETA: Weighing in on the number of children debate - I am very much undecided (DH would like some but is happy to go with my decision - suffice to say this weighs heavily on me!). I too have had near strangers ask when I'm going to start a family and there's unbelievable pressure from 'society as a whole' - few people seem to accept that it's not anyone's decision apart from the individuals involved. I seem to know a lot of people with one child though, and they are perfectly happy! (I also know at our wedding one of my friends (2 children) said to the wife of one of DH's friends (one child, sticking with that!), that she thought it was selfish to only have the one!:eek::eek:

Everyone has to do what is right for them!

edinburgher

I'm barely coping with 1, I have come to realise how selfish I truly am in terms of missing the freedom to structure my own days!

£3.11 sent to savings, sig updated.

elantan

thats not being selfish Ed thats being realistic, having children is hard work. Some people have kids as they think that is what is expected of them, personally speaking I think that is more selfish.

misscousinitt

It is a personal decision for everyone and everyone should respect that.

I for one think that having kids is a blessing.

Ed you sound like a wonderful father...not selfish at all - I am sure that it takes some re-adjustment when they come into your life.

MCI

ETA Using up weird ingredients sounds fun - got to do a bit of that myself!

ajmoney

I will come out of hiding/lurking to contribute. We don't want any children, it doesn't enter into our plan at all, Mr AJM does have 2 children from a previous marriage. I have had the looks from people and you would think I had said the worst thing ever when I reply that I do not want children.

AlexLK

My wife's family often used to ask when we were planning to have another child as son 'must' have a sibling. :mad: Although I had a phase of potentially wanting to do it all again when my son went to school (that was more the fact I missed him at school than really wanting another child ), there was not a chance my wife would want another. On the other hand, my parents only wanted us to have one because they are paranoid that if they had two grandchildren by the time I die and pass their house to them, the grandchildren will sell it and it won't be passed through anymore generations. :mad: The views of both sets of parents annoy me somewhat.

A_Frayed_Knot

choccielover wrote: »

No please don't think I was implying that you would cause offence, it just Interests me why people won't always assume one is never the number.

Please don't worry and I am similarly sorry if I have offended you by asking.

Cor Blimey ! ! ! . . . Just shows you what ~ One icon and a few dots . . . . can do :rotfl: Who would have thought it.

Can I just say ~ I don't have any - furry, human or otherwise. So know only too well, all the comments, looks and suggestions that are given.

MamaSaver

Hey, just to pitch in, I have kids but I still get the nudge nudge wink wink about the "next" one from complete strangers, acquaintances and friends. When I bluntly say my DH had the snip and we are FINISHED they soon get embarrassed and shut up 🤐 :rotfl:

bournefree

It is strange how there is still so much pressure on people to have children. I have two myself. Both are very different. Of course, it was nice to know that I could, and I feel for people who can't and are desperate to have children. Having children involves responsibility and worrying about them. Where divorce is involved, things inevitably get more complicated. The responsibility includes considering whether or not and how to give your children a financial foot up in life. That would make for another very interesting thread!