Do sex txts constitue an affair?

Eviesmummy

What do you think?

aileth

Personally, I absolutely agree with you.

Sex lines, sex texts, live cams, any sexual contact which is as personal as this is a step too far. Masturbation is normal, watching pornography is normal, but there's a world of difference between watching a pre-recorded vid of two people having sex to actually interacting with someone.

It's sexual or romantic personal interaction with another human you are attracted to outside of your relationship, surely that's dictionary definition for an affair.

You gave him fair warning. He ignored that.

hazyjo

You don't need a definition in black and white.

You have told him before that it's not acceptable to you and that the relationship would be over.

If you don't react, you're accepting it. Time to make that choice.

A close friend of mine found texts/emails to women on some FB dating thing. Some he'd arranged to meet but never did. She went mental but at the end of the day decided not to act on it. She made it clear it wasn't acceptable, but she buries her head in the sand now. They don't have a sexual relationship so she kind of ignores it and hopes he's not still doing it.

Wouldn't be my choice, but each to their own.

What do you love about him? What positives does he contribute to your life and that of your child?

Jx

neneromanova

He would be out the door if that was my husband!

sax11

it's the start of a long slippery slope

nip it in the bud early

HPoirot

So you provide him with house and home, look after all of his finances, bear the brunt of his moods, pacify him and his child after one of these moods. While he sneaks out and is "naughty" behind your back with debts, sex texting women, etc.

What would I do? STOP MOTHERING HIM. Tell him to straighten up / man up / grow up, stop playing you for a fool or he'll be out the door.

catmiaow

Yes I think they are. Any time that is taken away from your partner, where your feelings and emotions are distracted from them is cheating.

thorsoak

My view of it all : belongings in black binliners and boot him out!

You've done absolutely everything for him (apart from one ;-) ) ...and what does he do for you? He makes you miserable. That's not a partnership.

peachyprice

If all the texts and phone calls are to sex lines then IMO no, I don't think it is cheating, it's no different to !!!!!!. Those women are just doing a job, they're not sitting there getting off on it, they're probably watching TV or cooking dinner in between texts. There's no emotion involved, they're just texting/saying what he wants to hear to get as much money out of him as possible.

However, if these are not sex workers and are just women he's met through online dating sites and the like, women who could have an emotional attachment to him then that's a whole different ball game.

It sounds to me like the sex lines are the least of your worries TBH, your whole marriage is one sided, you seem to be doing all the giving and him all the taking. We know he gets plenty, he gets you pandering to his moods, cooking , cleaning, supporting him financially, put a roof over his head, but what do you get out of the relationship?

Eviesmummy

Thanks all, I kind of just needed to know that I wasn't over reacting.

marisco_2

I wouldn't say that sex texting constitutes someone having an affair as such. To do that involves two people meeting face to face, developing feelings for and having a level of attachment to each other. You cant do that with someone you've never actually met. To carry out an act that has the potential once discovered to deeply hurt the one you are with, and rock the stability of the relationship that you share with them, signifies to me that someone has emotionally disconnected and withdrawn from their partner. There is the very likely possibility that things could escalate to an affair. If a partner of mine were doing this it would end things between us instantly. There would be no way back once the bond of trust we shared had been broken.