Do you reckon he's having me on/trying to do me over?
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MrsKrepsly
Posts: 59 Forumite
Bit of a backstory regarding the house which I have posted about before so if you've read it, bare with me.
Basically in the early days of our relationship my partner signed up to casual sex sites, dating and chat sites and was actively messaging people and trying to arrange dates and sex meets etc. This was after he'd met my children and we were supposedly exclusive. He aologised but it happened twice after. He's not done it since as far as I know but here is the foundations of my lack of trust regarding what he says and does.
So moving on, "we" bought a house, only I couldn't get on the mortgage due to not being employed at the time so the house is soley in his name yet he promised we could get a deed of trust set up to protect my financial contributions and the fact that if he dies, I'd lose my home. Initially I went back and forth on the idea as it seemed like such a waste of time and money for something we'd probably never need but then when we started arguining all the time I decided I wanted one. This is when he started being funny about it, saying iit was a waste of time and I could just save up £2k (the amount I put towards the deposit for the house) in my own bank which would be mine if we split. This is not the same thing is it! I've contributed much more since then for a start on mortgage payments and home improvements plus it does not protect me from him selling the house behind my back (for a profit most likely) and it does not protect me if he dies. But if I get into it with him, he starts arguing with me, saying I'm being awkward and if I want a deed of trust then he also wants it to protect him against petty things like the sofa and dining table etc!!! It's ridiculous.
Another thing is he proposed to me in Feb and says that when we marry (next year supposedly) I will be legally protected like I want. For one thing, that is a year away and secondly I've noticed he's coming up with a million and one excuses of why we shouldn't get married now. As I said, we've been arguing a lot so we agreed to make a conscious effort not to argue. We've been 3 weeks now without a crossed word and if I mention it he ridicules me saying 3 weeks is no big deal, he needs real "proof" that we get on.
So I'm starting to suspect that A) he doesn't want me having ANY claim on this house despite promises.
Him telling me to save £2k has been suggested as he knows full well we'll never do it. The savings account is currently set at £0. and C) he has no intentions of getting married, this has just been said to keep me sweet for another year and lay off the house legalities.
I also know that in a years time his mortgage payments go down, he gets a pay rise and will be able to afford the house on his own. Currently, he needs me to help me pay the mortgage. Therefore I'm starting to suspect that he is using me to help him get through this expensive year and as soon as the mortgage payments go down, he'll drop the act and want to finish the relationship completely.
All I want is a deed of trust drawing up yet if I mention it, he starts saying I'm threatening him etc yet he supposedly agrees that I should have the rights I'm asking to?? just not legally it seems.
Basically in the early days of our relationship my partner signed up to casual sex sites, dating and chat sites and was actively messaging people and trying to arrange dates and sex meets etc. This was after he'd met my children and we were supposedly exclusive. He aologised but it happened twice after. He's not done it since as far as I know but here is the foundations of my lack of trust regarding what he says and does.
So moving on, "we" bought a house, only I couldn't get on the mortgage due to not being employed at the time so the house is soley in his name yet he promised we could get a deed of trust set up to protect my financial contributions and the fact that if he dies, I'd lose my home. Initially I went back and forth on the idea as it seemed like such a waste of time and money for something we'd probably never need but then when we started arguining all the time I decided I wanted one. This is when he started being funny about it, saying iit was a waste of time and I could just save up £2k (the amount I put towards the deposit for the house) in my own bank which would be mine if we split. This is not the same thing is it! I've contributed much more since then for a start on mortgage payments and home improvements plus it does not protect me from him selling the house behind my back (for a profit most likely) and it does not protect me if he dies. But if I get into it with him, he starts arguing with me, saying I'm being awkward and if I want a deed of trust then he also wants it to protect him against petty things like the sofa and dining table etc!!! It's ridiculous.
Another thing is he proposed to me in Feb and says that when we marry (next year supposedly) I will be legally protected like I want. For one thing, that is a year away and secondly I've noticed he's coming up with a million and one excuses of why we shouldn't get married now. As I said, we've been arguing a lot so we agreed to make a conscious effort not to argue. We've been 3 weeks now without a crossed word and if I mention it he ridicules me saying 3 weeks is no big deal, he needs real "proof" that we get on.
So I'm starting to suspect that A) he doesn't want me having ANY claim on this house despite promises.
Him telling me to save £2k has been suggested as he knows full well we'll never do it. The savings account is currently set at £0. and C) he has no intentions of getting married, this has just been said to keep me sweet for another year and lay off the house legalities.I also know that in a years time his mortgage payments go down, he gets a pay rise and will be able to afford the house on his own. Currently, he needs me to help me pay the mortgage. Therefore I'm starting to suspect that he is using me to help him get through this expensive year and as soon as the mortgage payments go down, he'll drop the act and want to finish the relationship completely.
All I want is a deed of trust drawing up yet if I mention it, he starts saying I'm threatening him etc yet he supposedly agrees that I should have the rights I'm asking to?? just not legally it seems.
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Comments
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What do YOU think his intentions are? That sort of behaviour and attitude would be a deal breaker for me, and I'd be getting out before I invested any more time, money and emotion on him, with or without my £2k. There are much nicer men out there.0
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I would see a solicitor up find out what financial rights, if any, I have, and then I would walk away, regardless.
He doesn't sound much of a catch, to be honest.
Lin
You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset.
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I wasn't sure at first but I'm leaning more and more towards thinking he's out to screw me over. He can't really care about me, if he did he wouldn't be so awkward about me having legal protection, he wouldn't have kicked up a massive argument on the day my grandad died and and he wouldn't have refused to give me a hug when I was sobbing over my loss. He also wouldn't have had a go at me on the day of the funeral because I'd not managed to get any extra shifts at work.0
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So why are you with him?Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.
If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'
Declutterers of the world - unite! :rotfl::rotfl:0 -
MrsKrepsly wrote: »I wasn't sure at first but I'm leaning more and more towards thinking he's out to screw me over. He can't really care about me, if he did he wouldn't be so awkward about me having legal protection, he wouldn't have kicked up a massive argument on the day my grandad died and and he wouldn't have refused to give me a hug when I was sobbing over my loss. He also wouldn't have had a go at me on the day of the funeral because I'd not managed to get any extra shifts at work.
Sorry - what is the attraction here? :think:
He sounds a right b*****d, to be fair.
Lin You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset.0 -
It's not usual for a partner to be left off the mortgage because they aren't currently working I was a SAHM when we got our first mortgage. Did he organise it on his own and give you this excuse or did you both organise it with the bank/broker?:j Trytryagain FLYLADY - SAYE £700 each month Premium Bonds £713 Mortgage Was £100,000@20/6/08 now zilch 21/4/15:beer: WTL - 52 (I'll do it 4 MUM)0
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If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck its a duck!.
I don't think given your two threads this guy is the man for you, in fact i hope he's the man for nobody.
agree with the above too i am on the mortgage and got on it with no job, so he may not be telling the truth.When using the housing forum please use the sticky threads for valuable information.0 -
Money-Maker he never used to be like this. I'm only just coming to terms with what a b*s*ard he can be.
Needless to say he organized the mortgage on his own and told me later why I couldn't be added to it.0 -
I'd agree to the petty stuff.
He's welcome to half a sofa if your interest in the house is protected. See the bigger picture!What if there was no such thing as a rhetorical question?0 -
Fivetide I did agree to the sofa, I couldn't care less about stuff like that. But everytime I agree to something he makes some other excuse up and in the end makes it impossible to sort anything out.0
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